Sunday, April 12, 2009


What a wonderful, relaxing weekend. I'm sad, almost devastated actually, that it's over. I had a half day Thursday, off Friday, and of course had the weekend off. At the start of my mini-break I promised myself that I would really try and relax, rather than stretch myself too thin with all of my friends, try and shop at every store I love, eat at every frozen yogurt shop I enjoy, etc. I always do too much and end up needing a weekend from my weekend. But not this time. I stayed up super late every night, slept in, and relaxed everyday. I only ended up hanging out with friends Friday night, and doing lunch with Sarah Saturday. I spent every other moment at home, hanging out with my family, spending time lounging in bed with my laptop, etc. I feel so rested and rejuvenated I am really looking forward to a positive week!
Amber is visiting from San Francisco this week so we just had a little movie night and watched Rachel Getting Married (finally). My family and I were going to watch it last night but my parents elected to watch a soccer match instead. Anyway, we both really liked it, although it was so upsetting at times. It's very engaging and Anne Hathaway's acting makes you almost feel invasive for watching it- it's that good. It was so nice to just sit with Ambs and talk, she is moving home next month and I feel so happy about it.
And happiness...I been thinking so much about this, as an idea. As someone who has struggled, and still struggles, with feeling the ups and downs, it's something I think about a lot. Sometimes when I am really really happy I stop and think about how this won't last. That's so weird to me. Does anyone else do this? It's like I am willing my happiness away by acknowledging that it will be short lived. And I know no one can be happy all the time, but it seems weird that I think about how fleeting happiness is, while I am experiencing it. I don't even know if that makes sense, but I need to stop doing that and just live in the moment.
And I guess if I am on this whole topic, something else I have been thinking about are people who just hate to hate. I don't know if their hating stems from jealousy or what, but I have experienced certain girls who just can't be happy for others. Here's any example: I put my life out there- I post photos all of the time, I blog, I love interacting with people on the internet. My friends are scattered all over the place and I adore that the lovely internet keeps me in touch with them. I usually couldn't care less what people think, because the people who do want to be negative are not people whose opinions I care about anyway. But there are times when, in the back of my mind, I know there will be some person out there, who, for whatever reason, will find a reason to hate on what I put out there. I dwell for a minute on that negativity and it's such a bummer. So right now I am really trying to just let go of people like that, live my life, and hope they life their own and don't worry so much about my little one! Another example is a friend of mine, she also has a blog, and recently had to change her commenting to private because she was getting nasty, anonymous comments. How horrible is that? It makes me sad. I shouldn't have even wasted a paragraph on that kind of nonsense but I started typing about it, and there it was.
Another thing that has been on my mind is the beautiful inspiration I have been drawing from my parents. I adore my family, and these past two years have been a nightmare of health problems for my entire family, minus myself somehow. I haven't even shared some of the things that we've gone through, because it's never ending and sometimes I don't want to get others involved. But what's insane to me, after my Mother's battle with cancer, sarchidosis, etc., my Father's heart failure, surgeries, things my sister has gone through, they are hands down, the most positive people ever. I don't even know how they do it. I struggle with staying positive, just being a support system. I am typing this and almost crying because I feel so much emotion about them all, how much they inspire me, and I just want everyone to realize that no matter what you are going through, you make a choice to either give in, or give it up and go forward. Every single day we have that choice. When we wake up, we decide what kind of day we are going to have. Since I have been with Hank, he has been a constant reminder of this. On the days when I wake up and feel so sad, he reminds me that I decide what kind of day I am going to have. So I choose to have a good day. I choose to smile at people and be nice to rude people. Everyone has their pain, some just choose to give in to it. And some don't. My parents, amidst some of the most adverse circumstances, choose to not give in and choose to be happy. I have these reminders everyday about why I choose to live my life for the positive.
So, on that note- this week I have a few goals for myself. I am planning on eating "clean" all week (if you'd like to know more about this, let me know- I don't want to fill this blog up with all of that- I could write a novel). But yes, I usually eat clean but this week I am really making a conscious effort to keep everything I eat home cooked and wonderful. Another personal goal for the week is to really work on loving more. I know that sounds silly, but I feel so filled with love my heart right now and I want to make sure that all of my loved ones know how much they are valued and cared about. I feel like there are so many little things I could do day to day and sometimes I just don't, either out of laziness or who knows what. So this week I am working on loving more, and better! silly as that sounds!

I hope all of you had a beautiful weekend. xo

Here are some photos from our Easter brunch at my parents, we went a little Photobooth crazy!

my Dad- so healthy :)
pops- looking so healthy :) yay

Laur and me

The whole family, minus Hanky. He was with his side of the fam today!
my whole, entire world! minus hanky

sister, sister

I don't usually eat sugar, but today I did, and I enjoyed it sooo much. These are my all-time favorite candies!
so good, but soo bad

pretty sister
pretty sissy

Nanny and me!
nanny 'n me

I love them so much.
the "hawthorne" girls

Happy Easter ;)
happy easter!


  1. I love Nanny so much, she looks like a doll in those photos. What a great family you have. :-D

  2. And Nanny loves you so much! And thanks :).

  3. I'd love to hear more about your eating "clean" if you don't mind! Thanks :-)