Saturday, February 20, 2010

Anxiety, I hate you.

more tea

Yesterday started out wonderfully. I wore a new dress to school, I had a full day of lesson plans to cover, and I was feeling good. During one of my classes, something that I would typically let slide right by morphed into something else and it began to eat away at me. It was a strange situation with some of my kids, and it got to me, and made me really upset after class was over. Normally I wouldn't make a big deal about it, but it got under my skin and I'm not sure what it was- be it the huge green tea I'd consumed, or the anxious feeling that had quietly been sneaking up a little more day after day this week- but I started to really feel very out of sorts. In my typical fashion I faked it through the rest of my day, smiling and having a grand old time, but inside I was literally shaking like a leaf. If you've read my blog for awhile, you know that I suffer from occasional bouts of anxiety. It's nothing debilitating by any means, but it comes and goes. I've had a few full-blown panic attacks, and they've mainly happened in the shower- heat is a big trigger for me, as weird as it sounds. I started to get that feeling in my mouth- that weird dry taste, my throat started to feel tight, and I knew it was not going to be an easy afternoon. I'm not sure why I'm like this. 98% of the time I am super easy going, positive, take everything with a grain of salt kinda girl. I avoid drama and I despise negativity. But then other times, like yesterday, I obsess and rethink things over and over, until I make myself physically sick. I don't ever talk about specifics because I think that's unethical when dealing with children...and also really unprofessional, but what happened wouldn't usually be a huge deal at all. My normal, rational mind would have been fine- laughed it off, no big deal. I talked with my friend at work about this at length, and she reminded me of this. But because I was in this not-so-good place, it completely spiraled out of control in my mind. And even knowing my thought process was skewed, I was unable to bring myself out of it. So I came home, got into bed, and only got out to eat dinner. Can you guess where I spent then entire night?

I often think about how lucky I am to have so many great days. I rarely have bad days, and whether that be a product of my mindset or my surroundings I don't know. All I know is that when that blue moon arrives, and my bad day hits, it's hard. I don't like that I get like this, but it's not frequent enough that I feel like I need to "see" anyone about it, and I don't take I cope. It's funny because all week I could feel this coming. I'd have little spells of feeling a bit panicky, then they'd go away. Then yesterday it hit all at once.

I woke up this morning feeling a little better, but not my normal self. I'm trying to pull myself out of it, and I know once I hit the gym in a bit I will be a lot, if not all the way, better. I'm at a point now though, where I think it is good to acknowledge these feelings. I try not to get upset with myself that I feel anxious, or upset...I more so try to accept these as a part of life, as feelings, acknowledge them, and attempt to move on. Typically I am a firm believer in the idea that we choose our own happiness, and I really make this choice every morning when I wake up. I say to myself that yes it IS going to be a good day, and almost all of the time it works. It's hard though, when I don't feel it's necessarily situational and in my control- I think it's something chemical up in that head of mine and no matter how many of my "tricks" I do to cheer myself up, they don't typically work. Feelings like this have progressively gotten fewer and farther in between, so I know that whatever I am doing, it's working. It's just such a bummer when a wonderful day takes such a sour turn.

So, woe is me! Haha. Sorry for this "down" post. When I had my formspring up, I would often get comments like - "how are you so happy all the time?" Here's proof that I'm not! I'm happy most of the time. :)

With that said, do any of you suffer from depression, anxiety or anything of that nature? This has been a question posed on my blog before, but it was when I had just 100 followers. I'm curious to see who else deals with things like this. What are your coping mechanisms? And thank you so much in advance for your input. It can be quite unnerving sharing things like this with thousands of people, but I always feel better once I type it out. Thank you for reading.

I hope all of you have a beautiful day, I am definitely trying! :)


  1. Sometimes taking a day to recharge can cure my blues. Crawling into bed, checking out and napping can sometimes help me from over thinking things and spiraling into that sense of doom.

    Other things like baking, looking for new music, cleaning out my make up case or bathroom, etc..distractions.

    My husband takes it personally when I tell him that he can't fix it, because he feels that he should always be a catalyst for my positive thinking. Which on any other day is absolutely the truth.

    But when my anxiety is up and I'm distressed over something that is beyond my control I find that I just need to crawl into my hole and move past it on my own time. Which thank goodness is usually just a day.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, Danielle. You're human and you're susceptible to feeling a wide range of the, "blahs". Just remind yourself that this too shall pass!

  2. Hi Danielle! i absolutely love your blog, and I can`t even remember how I stumbled over it but it was through someone elses blog. I come from Finland and have two blogs, one with my drawings and stuff like that ( and another one just for everything else ( :). I don`t update every day so not maybe a usual blogger in that sense. But I am also getting my first tattoo this spring, big, old, school and coloured and I am soo excited.

    But what I wanted to say was that I myself suffer from depression and anxiety attacks and I am eating medicine for it and it has helped. I used to think that medicine is not for me, but at one point in my life I was in such a dark place, that I could not handle it on my own. Now I am also seeing a therapist twice a week, that I just started seeing. But when you said that you are usually quite happy and easygoing, maybe that is exactly why you can get these attacks sometimes. Nobody can be happy all the time :).

    Oh, this got a bit long, but just wanted to drop in and say hey and tell you that I love your energy and positivity and that there is nothing bad a t feeling a bit low sometimes.

    Best regards,


  3. I have suffered from depression since I was about 15. I have never taken anything for it until about 3 months ago. You probably already know from reading my blog that I am having some medical problems. I'm not suppose to take any over the counter meds for 6 months..but for some reason my doctor is ok with me still taking the prozac? So I just stopped taking it this week. It really doesn't even make a difference, I think it's all mental. I also have social anxiety really bad due to some things that happened in my past with old friends. I use to have panick attacks on a weekly basis. I'm just all screwed up lol. BUT I have been doing so much better and trying to be more positive and not let things get to me. I think waaaaay too much about small things. Over the last few years it has gotten much better, probably has something to do with me getting older and realizing there are more important things and better ways to spend the time I have left. So anyway, I completely understand what you are going through x10. Hope you feel better tomorrow! :)

  4. I do, although it's under control with meds at the moment.

    I could used to have a panic attack over the tiniest things.

    I used to get into bed and watch buffy all day, with the covers up to my chin. When I wasnt sleeping that is. Sometimes I'd stay like that for days (I was signed off work, sick), only moving to change video, make tea and go to the toilet.

    I'd have days where I'd sleep literally all day. I'd wake in panic after an awful dream, cry for a bit and go back to sleep. It was tough, but the meds help so much. I went to councelling and doctors tried to get me to do these lame mental exercises but none of it helped.

    I admire your attitude of you making the choice for your mood. My parents tell me that all the time but I just can't do it. This 'positive thinking' stuff just isnt me. I try, but I cant manage it somehow.

    Sorry for the huge splurge haha! hope you feel better xxx

  5. I just recently got put on medication for my anxiety. (As in, about 2wks ago)
    It was something I always figured I had a bit of an issue with, but with a recent job and some other life changes, I started to see it grow and grow quickly into a full-out disorder.
    About 2wks ago I had two pull panic attacks resulting in vomitting in less than one week. One of which happened in the bathroom of my work. I decided enough was enough, took most of the week off to regroup and see a doctor.
    So now, I'm attacking it from all angles... got the medication covered, going to see a therapist in a week to talk out some of the issues, and just trying to keep myself in a healthy routine.
    So no, you are definitely NOT alone.

  6. Your post was really coincidental. I had what was called 'mild depression' by everybody but me because i hated the term up until i was about 16, and i haven't had a 'down day' for over a year but today i'm just really really glum for no apparent reason. Hate to say i don't have any ways of dealing with it...i spend a day or two almost always by myself and with sad music and I write a heck of a lot...then i'm over it :)

    I hope you feel a whole lot better soon, you're usually such a happy blogger! ♥

  7. I have anxiety as well and often get attacks.
    My first one hit when I was 13 and boarding a roller coaster. Normally, roller coasters are easy peasy for me and I don't get anxious on them but this particular time I just started thinking about "oh man it's gonna crash", "my harness thing isnt on all the way", "its gonna come off when it moves" and I got really hot, my throat closed, and my breathing got all sorts of crazy and I just started screaming to get off.
    The ride started to move and I screamed more and more and then my boyfriend at the time was screaming for them to stop it and they did. I got a paper bag and was inhaling in it haha just like in the movies.

    My most recent time I was at a concert and I was fine in the beginning but then I started zoning in on how many people were surrounding me and the fact I kept getting pushed and once again I got really hot and dizzy so I walked to the back out of the crows and passed out on the floor. Luckily right before I passed out some guy saw me and moved me out of the way because I was going to pass out and hit the bar with my head.

    I dont get it often but just like you, it happens sometimes.

  8. i just read this post and could instantly relate.

    like you, i'm happy most of the time. but sometimes (no often) i have those full blown anxiety and panic attacks. sometimes they are so bad that i feel like i can't get enough air.

    they're far apart like yours, but when they do happen i usually sit down and take a few deep breathes. i close my eyes and try to clear my mind. sort of like meditation. i drink some cold water and focus on breathing. it usually helps me (maybe not all the way, but it calms me down enough to get through the day).

    sometimes, all that is needed is relaxing! also, tea doesn't do it for me, but i always have to drink decaf coffee. if the coffee place messes up and i have regular, i'm anxious all day long and it's not good.

    i completely get where you're coming from.. and from the looks of your other comments so does a lot of other people! :) xoxo

  9. Found your blog via Elsie's and I love it! Here's my "share" for the day:

    I also get bouts of awful anxiety. It's usually under control with a low dose antidepressant, but sometimes it rears its ugly head. I usually just take some time to hang out in bed and watch old movies while I crochet and it helps some. I've had anxiety lately; I think it's just because of yucky weather.
    Hope today's beautiful for you!

  10. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling anxious, what a horrible feeling.

    I had a major depression maybe 3-4 years ago which I took meds for and recovered from.
    I still have some anxiety issues left over from that time, which most of the time are bearable but sometimes not. This week has been one of those weeks.

    I often feel anxious early in the morning when I first wake up, or at night as I go to sleep. Something would have happened during the day that I keep thinking about, or I will remember something (like a bill I need to pay, something I did that I'm ashamed of a long time ago).
    The feeling I get is certainly physical (tight chest) but it's the feeling of dread that bothers me most. It feels like I have forgotten something incredibly important, or done something terrible.

    What I find most helpful is writing every thing that worries me down and then ranking them in order of importance. It doesn't solve any of my problems but it does help my anxiety - if I start thinking about things again I just tell myself "You don't need to think about that right now because it's all written down".
    Maybe that doesn't make sense but it works for me!

    I hope you feel better soon xx

  11. I am thankful you made this post. I at times suffer from anxiety as well. It is more rare but it sneaks up on me at times when I am either very very stressed and nervous about something coming up or if I am put in a very uncomfortable very nerve racking situation. its rare but it does happen.
    I don't like medication either and I have found things like yoga, naps, healthy eating, but the Most
    successful thing I have found to relieve my anxiousness is to go get a massage. It cures me every time.
    thanks for your inspiring blog.

  12. I have been a sufferer from depression for a good chuck of my life. I am also diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). So, I know exactly how terribly anxiety and/or panic attacks can be. I have been on an array of different psych meds throughout my life. I have always hated taking them because I always felt "fake" as I put it.

    Something that helped me a lot is a mix of cognitive therapy and something called EMDR (I dont remember what it stands for exactly, but google it). When I have a panic attack I usually have to stop what I am doing, tell myself everything is going to be ok, and then assess what may have brought it on. Tell myself "why are you feeling this way?" decide if its a rational fear or reason to get so worked up over and slowly I start to realize its ok. Meditation has really helped as well.

    I have learned a lot of things through my major alone (psychology), I am by no means a psychologist yet but I have done a lot of research on GAD and PTSD. You may want to check out holistic remedies for General Anxiety Disorder.

    I hope you feel better! Just remember to breath.

  13. Hi! Love your blog!

    I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, a severe form of panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder.

    The SAD (haha) has died down a lot. I'm very shy but, generally speaking, I don't care what anyone thinks anymore. Being in a room with a lot of people makes me nervous sometimes, but I'm not sure why. I don't like being crowded.

    The panic disorder is much, much less severe. I only have a few panic attacks a year now, which is much better than having them everyday!

    I do feel anxious almost all the time about various things, but that's mostly because I'm a bit crazy in general. I'll sit awake at night and ask the boy questions like, "what if the roof collapses and kills just one of us or chops off one of our arms?" or "what if I hit my head really hard and my personality changes drastically and you don't like me anymore?!" Crazy! I'm not really sure where that comes from but it started probably around the time I was 8, but not bad until I was 18.

    PTSD, for me, means a lot of bad dreams. I try to avoid seeing/hearing/reading about gun related suicides, but it's been a lot better. Most of my bad dreams are now just crazy bad dreams and not related to what caused the PTSD.

    Ah, the BPD. That, I'm pretty much stuck with. It kind of reads like typical moody teenager but it's not. It presents differently in everyone - I am prone to rage easily, extreeeeemely black and white thinking and crazy mood swings similar to bipolar disorder, just without the mania and much more frequent.

    I have good and bad days, lately there have been more good days - mood-wise anyway - and that's good enough for me. The boy has definitely helped with this and so has the whole "I don't care what you think" thing.

    Things like baking, knitting, music (The Proclaimers never fail to make me feel a bit better.. ever), cleaning, dancing around and walking help to clear my mind when I feel I start getting down. Sometimes nothing works and I just have to wait it out.

    One day at a time! Everyone's human and everyone is allowed to feel any way at all. It happens.

  14. PS. I think its really important to allow yourself to feel the reverse side of good feelings from time to time. I feel that sad and scared is a perfectly normal primary emotion. It's very ying and yang if you think about it. So long we don't let those feelings get to a place of something more intense its very healthy. So no saying sorry for a "downer" post! It happens to us all!<3<3<3

  15. I meant to say I was put on prescription drugs for all of these things - you name it, I've been on it - and none of them worked for me. I've had to make changes within myself and in my life, which is far more difficult, to make any of it "better".

    Some of it just involves a lot of waiting.

  16. Hi danielle,
    I was "diagnosed" with social anxiety disorder about a year ago. Like your anxiety, it's not debilitating, but I do experience it frequently. It just creeps up on me, in the strangest of situations. Situations that are normal, everyday things and I really have no reason to be anxious...but I am. It can be impossible for some people to understand. I was prescribed medication, but I refused to take a pill everyday. Instead I have Xanax to help with anxiety in the moment. That way I am only medicating myself when I need it to get through something.

  17. Not sure if anyone recommended this for you yet, (you get a lot of comments!)but,

    I am like you, anxiety happens, not crazy often, but enough that I definitely know when it is going to hit.

    I use Bach Rescue Remedy from Whole Foods. There is a drop version and a spray one. I swear by this stuff. I know you don't take meds and don't want to go that route, so I really suggest this stuff for you.

    I have to take a little more than the dosage, but seriously it's awesome.

    Let me know if you try it and what you think.


  18. Oh Danielle you are so not alone. I didnt read all of the comments so i am not sure if i am repeating someone elses advice but i wanted to share with you what works for me.

    I have a family history of anxiety and depression. Almost every woman on my moms side is on meds. I have been dealing with it since my teens.

    Almost 3 years ago i decided to get help. I do Cognitive Behavioral therapy which means no meds! I learned why and how this happens to me and ways to cope. For me i had to change my way of thinking. I am big into the positive thinking like yourself, deep breathing exercises, a ton of relaxation, and a ton of self talk. So i pretty much give myself pep talks all the time when i am starting to feel it coming on. I have to remind myself that it is temporary and it will pass, nothing bad is going to happen, and if it doesnt go away right away i find my happy place and ride through it. Im lucky that therapy works for me. I control it well enough to not go on meds but the woman in my life probably wouldnt be here today without their medication - for them it was a life saver. Just please dont beat yourself up over this. Doing that is what made me it much worse for me. We are human, It happens.

    I really was trying to NOT make this the longest comment ever. I just wanted to let you know you arent alone. It happens to the best of us. We just need to learn ways to cope that works for ourselves since everyone is so different.

    There have been 12 beautiful and strong woman who have commented before me. We are all in this together!!! Hugs to you all!

    Stay positive...and remember it will pass...

  19. Oh you poor dear, I have the exact same plight you do. I am a worrier and most of the time I can keep it healthy but I also have those days where something eats at me until I can't handle it anymore. I know exactly how you feel.

    Oddly enough, heat is a trigger for me as well. Once I was at a summer camp I didn't want to attend, and the first day there I got so hot I started panicking (sadly in front of a bunch of girls I would never cry in front of) and had to leave.

    But I find the older I get, it only happens once and a while. I'm sure your hubby helps a lot with the pressure, I know my boyfriend does.

    I love you can clear you head, you poor dear. <3

  20. I can definitely relate.. I've had anxiety problems for about a year now and it usually happens when I let things overwhelm me... It started in high school towards graduation and all of the sudden it seems like everything was way to overwhelming and had panic attacks at the thought of going to school. My mom took me to the doctors and I did the meds thing for awhile but didn’t like how they made me feel, so I try to just take it. I have this issue every once in a long while now, usually when seeing everything I feel like I 'have to do' spread out in front of me triggers a very intense emotional response.. I’m prone to panic attacks when I get in these moods and I'm not sure where it comes from. I guess I psych myself out by letting my to-do list grow and grow and get to a point where my little mind feels like it cant handle it, which usually is not the case. I love having a lot of things to do and always having a plan, but sometimes I just have off days, and the hysterics start. The day ends with me in a horrible mess under the covers trying to sleep it off.. which seems to work. They are always pretty far apart now, maybe every 4-5 months. The boyfriend hates it when I get like that.. he’s always the one person that can calm me down during whatever is going on but he doesn’t understand that there really isn’t anything he can do, that its just something with me. I guess my coping methods are close to the same as yours. But every other day of my life I’m the happy-go-lucky, friendly to everyone, don’t let anything get to me type:)

  21. Anxiety sucks!!! Virtual hugs to you

  22. Danielle,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your day! I hope you're feeling better now.
    I often smile all day, even though I feel like crying on the inside. Living so far away from my family for this long is really eating away at me. I barely sleep anymore, I spent most of my night wondering what I am doing here, and what they are doing, and what I am missing out on. I worry all day if I am gonna get to see my grandpa ever again, or what if something happens to my mom or dad while I am here.
    I get anxiety, and panic attacks more often than before, and being out of work for the last 6 months has definitely made me slightly depressed.
    You are definitely not alone.
    What seems to help me is keeping myself busy, I try to focus on my arts and crafts, because it seems to put my mind else where.

    I wish I lived closer, a walk in the park with our cute pups, would definitely help a little :)

    I hope you feel better pretty lady!


  23. My week was just like that too. Anxiety, know the feeling. My mindset, get outside, exercise and be grateful for my beautiful life.

    xo, hope you feel yourself again soon

  24. I hope you feel better soon. Anxiety can be awful, especially when you know you can ordinarily let something go.

    I think it's awesome that you realise people do have days like that and that it's ok. Beating yourself up about feeling down is not very helpful!

    For me, I like to spend time with my nieces and nephews, talk to my mum about things, confide in my boyfriend or watch some fave movies. Or all of the above! And now, from reading your blog, I am increasingly using exercise as a way to feel more mentally positive. It does work wonders. :)

    Take care!

  25. oh yes, i also have anxiety and depression. i went about 24-25 years of my life believing that i was the most laid back, healthy, "normal" person ever. then a few big things happened in my life and i started to have panic attacks. i was so ashamed. i couldn't believe me of all people could have something that made me feel so weak, something i felt i couldn't control. i tried to ignore it and it got worse so eventually talked to my doctor about it and she put me on meds. but that freaked me out. i didn't want to be on meds, which also made me feel shame. so i went to a therapist. i ended up getting off the meds in 4 months. however, years later i still see the therapist. she has given me a lot of tools to help cope. one of them, like you said in your post, is just acknowledging the feelings and not judging yourself for them. loving yourself anyway, no matter what. i know it is so hard, because you dont want to feel "bad" but we just aren't always going to be happy. and as humans, we have a full range of feelings. even the uncomfortable ones need to be accepted. i think that helps move them along faster. i do also take time to be alone when i'm feeling that way. i also have a list of things that make me feel better. so when i get that way and i can't think, i can look at the list and see if anything sounds good to me at the time. depending on the level of anxiety, sometimes just being in nature helps a lot. or a massage. i also have a homeopathic medicine called Anxiety Relief by NaturalCare. it works nicely, altho i don't really get major panic attacks anymore. there are some writing exercises she has taught me. basically, being your own support system. for long term help, i have done acupuncture. i really liked it. i think it helped and it was very relaxing. yoga helps a lot as well. the yoga at a studio where they are concerned with mind/body/spirit. not just "fitness" yoga. i have found usually just having the instructors guide you thru the class has a really soothing effect. they usually have a very grounded, calming energy. i also have many friends who i can talk to that have the same type of things happening so that helps as well.
    well you definitely are not alone danielle! i really do sympathize with you. like you said, you have a lot of awesome days, so yay to that!!!

  26. hi friend,
    i didn't read all your comments so don't know if this has been mentioned or not, but this product helps me soooo much when that anxious yucky upset tummy dry mouth uck feeling comes on:

    i adore it. i keep it in my bag at all times, it's a natural tincture and i've found it really really helps calm me down. (they sell it at New Frontier's)

    thanks for your honesty about your anxiety---and i love what you said about acknowledging your feelings.
    so key if you're going to accept them and move on.

    love to you!

  27. i'm a teacher, too. i teach middle school orchestra, and i also have anxiety issues here and there. it's a wonderful, wonderful job, but there is a lot of opportunity for these moments to creep up and ruin your day.

    my parents always reminded me of a favorite john prine quote that helps me:

    it's a half an inch of water/ and you think you're gonna drown/that's the way the world goes round/one day you're up/the next you're down.

    and some people thought he was saying "it's a half an enchilada.. " so sometimes we say that for short.

    thanks for blogging. it helped me to read what you wrote and i hope you feel happy as much as possible.

  28. Days like that suck, especially when you have to suck it up and pretend that everything is okay.
    I've had depression probably my entire life, I finally recognized it in 7th grade and was doing good for a while but there have been a lot more stresses in my life lately and it's come back hard. Dealing with mental illnesses is not easy at all, especially because I think a lot of people don't really believe you, I've hidden and don't really tell many of my friends at school about my depression or anything because it's a hard thing to deal with and you don't want to have others look at you differently ya know?

    Panic attacks I think are worse than depression sometimes, I get them too, small ones probably once a week, bigger once every few weeks.
    I usually just try to take a break from whatever is stressing me out enough to have an attack, which I'm sure is not easy when you have to keep teaching and deal with it.

    I hope everything works out for you and you feel better soon!

  29. Hi Danielle, reading you post made me feel like I should comment. The hard days are pretty damn annoying, aren't they? A serious glitch in a seemingly good run.. I am not a huge fan of "seeing someone" for it, but sometimes having an impartial person to chat to is a good idea. I am going through a little bit of stuff at the moment, and plan to go and see a psychotherapist to get to the root of the problem. it's the only way I can see myself making improvements in my life. I myself am a therapist, and can see how intervention makes a difference with the clients I see. Although your anxiety isn't a regular thing, it may be a good idea to have a chat to "someone" on ways to cope with it when it does arise. I see you have loads of comments on this, and I hope they help :)

  30. You are one lovely, lovely lady! I agree and think it is VERY good to acknowledge your feelings, good or bad. You seem to have an extremely good head on those shoulders of yours. You know your strengths just as much as your weaknesses.

    I really, really agree with your thoughts on medicine. It's an extremely touchy subject, so it's hard to discuss it usually, especially in a public place like this! I think there really are some people who do need medication. But I also feel there are people who instead just need to change their situations, outlooks, ways to handle feelings, etc. Before I ramble on even more I'll stop myself.

    It's always good reading what you have to say :)

  31. i have depression, borderline personality and anxiety.sounds like a lot but i learned to deal with it about a year ago on with a mix of therapy and medications. and sometimes on a really bad day just crawling into bed and letting yourself feel bad for a while so that you can get up a bit more refreshed the next day

  32. Hi! Im Rachel, I haven't been following your blog for long but I love it! I think its great that you are open to how you are feeling. I suffer from the same things. I have done a lot of research and have gone to counseling for my anxiety and off and on depression. Even though it is very infrequent, in the moment it feels like forever!
    I have found that when I drink to much I feel really sad the next day. I now work out everyday and only have a drink now and then.
    I used to do a daily log of what I ate and how I was feeling day and night to try and pin point some of the issues. Its a lot of work but its good to reflect and be open and talk about everything to the people who are special in your life!
    I hope you feel better!

  33. I suffer from anxiety as a result of my phobias and unfortunately it is currently debilitating, but i'm getting better day by day and i have a wonderful boyfriend to support me. Have just got out a book from the library about anxiety and depression and i'm hoping it will help somewhat. But i have to say this, to you and to anyone else with anxiety, DO NOT take medication. I did when my anxiety was just a small problem, then i quit the meds and the terrible withdrawals turned anxiety into a BIG problem. Ironic really. So yes, anxiety, i hate you too.

  34. i've suffered from panic/anxiety attacks since high school... and while i don't get them to often anymore, it's still really scary when i do. it's just the most awful thing, and i never really know how to explain it to others. and while i don't wish this upon others, at the same time, it's nice to see i'm not alone and completely crazy ;), and that others are going through the same thing. is that selfish of me? probably... but no one likes to feel like they're going through something alone, right? i think that's a big part of anxiety, too. i'm sorry this happened to you this week, it's the kind of thing that just throws you off completely and it takes a little bit to get back on track. i understand. i hope you're feeling better soon. just know, you're aren't alone! <3

  35. Wow, I'm shocked. I found your blog through "a beautiful mess", and was instantly drawn to your writing. What shocked me is that as I scanned over your pictures, I recognized the buildings! I also live in Prescott. I thought that I had to be wrong because your style is way to cute for this town and did I read that you're a teacher here? Yavapai? Anyway, it was great finding you. I just started my new blog, I had another one but because of a lot of changes in my life, I decided to start a new one. I'll be checking back often.

  36. you probably already have plenty of input but i've dealt with anxiety and depression a LOT. mine is mostly seasonal--i have seasonal affective disorder, so my mental health takes a major beating in the winter.

    i've tried a couple of different medications and i've had terrible side effects with all of them, so i don't touch 'em anymore.

    i eat freshly ground flax seed every day (the omega 3s are good for mental health) and take a vitamin d supplement. i also supplement with vitamin c and calcium (more for immunity though) and magnesium--helps to calm me down! i've also found a homeopathic anti-anxiety medicine (actually for stage fright!) from my natural foods store that really helps if i start feeling anxious.

    i've found the best remedy for an anxiety attack for me, 9 times out of 10 anyway, is my boyfriend. he really makes me feel grounded, comforted, and peaceful. usually it just helps to have him in the room. sometimes it doesn't help though, and i have to make him leave, so i can just "lose it." sometimes losing it is the only thing that will help--i have to get it out of my system, as much as i hate the crying and shortness of breath and panicking. i avoid that at all costs and usually only have one of those full-blown panic attacks two or three times a year.

    i think it's important to realize that it IS your brain chemicals. it's like saying that you can choose not to have cancer or a sinus infection or something--if you are sick, you can't think happy thoughts and make it disappear. mental health disorders--anxiety, depression, etc.--are a sickness. just like we have echinacea or vitamin c or nyquil to get us through colds, we have tools to get us through anxiety.

    i hope you and your readers know that it's okay to feel anxious sometimes, and to not always be cheerful, as long as you are living with balance and doing your best to use the tools you have in your own defense!

  37. I have that happen while teaching also. It used to occur a lot more often when I first started, but now it only bothers me occasionally. You learn not to let things bother you - seventh graders can be very abrupt. But every once in a while...

    Also, I'm teaching juniors this year, and even though I have had them all before, I get nervous before every class. Once they actually arrive, I feel better - it's a bit annoying. I hope thing are going better for you.

  38. Me again I realized that you know my sons girlfriend Ariella Myers. She's living with me right and she's talked about how much she liked you. This really is a small world.

  39. I am a California girl, born and raised, and for the last 3 years I have been living in Washington State for my husbands job in the Air Force. I have come to terms with the idea that I suffer through some kind of seasonal depression up here due to the fact that the winter season is unkindly long... and for this sundress wearing, flip-flop sporting lady, 9 months in snow boots is 9 months too long. It is especially hard since I have 2 kids under the age of 4, and can't hide fact I can't even go to the restroom by myself...but I digress. Point is, you are ok, you are human and the fact that you are putting it all out there is amazing. I know when I first felt "down", I was embarrassed as I prided myself as being the happy girl, but life is tough at times and being REAL with yourself and others is such a gift. I know when I have a down day, I immediately paint my nails, bake something sweet, call a girlfriend, and order some fabric online. Art is also another way i deal. My 3.5 year old daughter and I just draw...and thanks god she usually draws sunshine, butterflies and hearts. Here's to you on a "down"ish day...sending you a sunshine, butterfly and a heart!

  40. I've had anxiety since the time I was about 10 or 11.

    It doesn't happen often but sometimes the darkness is overwhelming and anxiety quickly turns into days or week long bouts of depression.

    I wrote about it recently on my blog, about being a teacher with depression.

    I hope that you start to feel better and I'm glad you recognize some of the little things you can do to clear the darkness out.

    For me those things involve watching movies in my pajamas, baking cupcakes and surrounding myself with my closest girlfriends and family members who understand and care.

    Thanks so much for writing about this honestly, It feels so good knowing that there are people out there who feel the way I do.

  41. Thanks for posting this, Danielle!
    I'm a disaster when I have PMS and I usually read blogs like yours to get myself out of my rut!
    You always seem so put together and happy but I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this from time to time!


  42. I have dealt with anxiety pretty much my whole life. I was on medication for it until I got pregnant with my first child, Mason. During my pregnancy, I felt great. I was so worried that I was going to have the worst postpartum depression due to the anxiety, but that was completely false. Since having children ( we now have 3) I have not had to use medication for it. Not to say that it never creeps up on me, but when it does it's not nearly as bad. So there's my solution, have a baby!


  43. I have been suffering from anxiety and depression for 9 years now. It really is something that you cannot explain to another that does not have these challenges in their life. I have had many full throttle panic attacks and not gotten out of bed for more than a couple minutes in a day. I was pumped full of medication for years and just a year ago in January I decided, man I really want to start living, because I am so lost and so numb. With that said, I have only had two or three really severe attacks since! But I do a couple things to calm myself down on a daily basis, you are welcome to try :) First I use lotions and scents that are soothing such as lavander on a daily basis, as well as exercises (I know you do this, but I always try to do yoga once or twice a week, but not like the "ohm" yoga, it's a sweat). I also try and take time to myself without anyone around to trigger me from not focusing on myself. I think that many times anxiety shows up because I care so much for others and how they have affected my and vice versa, this time allows me to evaluate what I could be doing differently to enhance myself! I drink a lot of water and less soda and sugar or caffeine drinks, so non caffeinated tea would probably help. And of course a quick nap can do wonders for your body to reboot. I admire that you are open about this subject. You have really lightened my days ever since I found your blog. You are a great woman and I think sometimes just hearing little somethings such as that make anxiety dwindle down, even just a smidge. You are wonderful and tomorrow is new day with great promise for you. Keep thinking positively and you will get through this :)

  44. It's so good to know that other people feel this way sometimes. I'm glad you posted about this!

    I've suffered from panic attacks most of my life. When I was a teenager it was horrible. They tried therapy, medication all that jazz. What ended up helping was my mother taught me how to breathe slow and think of one good thing that is going to happen in the next twenty four hours and just concentrate on that as hard as you can. It takes a bit but it would distract my brain from the bad stuff that was putting me into a panic. Now I'm 23 and barely ever get them and know how to deal when I do.

    Sorry for the novel! Hope this is helpful.

  45. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks also. Mine are quite similar to what you described. Heat is a big trigger for my panic attacks. I used to live in LHC,AZ so it was a constant anxiety ridden time. I try to get out of the house (im a stay at home mom) and get fresh air. Exercising works really well and just talking it out with some one.

  46. I feel as though everyone has days like that, I know I do, and I think that it is just a normal part of life. I like to either have a nice cup of tea and read my favorite magazine or book. Or I will go to the gym, like you do. I find that it is very calming and gets my mind off of anything that is causing me anxiety.

    I definatley have been dealing with depression latley. I'm a student and I am finding that being away from my loved ones and having all of this stress on me right now is becoming increasingly hard. It really helps to read your blog and hear that I am not alone. I totally admire your positivity, I think it is so wonderful. It makes me believe that I can change my day around with my thoughts if I really want too. So thank you!!! I love your blog and I am so happy I found it when I did :)

  47. i hope you had a better day today, anxiety sucks because you can't fix it or explain it, and it's so hard for other people to understand.

  48. You aren't alone. I think we all have those days when anxiety consumes us. I, by nature, am a worrier. But I can still cope. I am actually Bipolar and struggle with anxiety on a regular basis, so for me medication works. But I think being able to rationalize and take a breather is something that can really help ease those breath taking feels. I hope you are already feeling better and that the anxiety slips away for a long, long time.

  49. I have been managing panic attacks and anxieties for years. The past 2 years it was a bit better but lately due to things happening in my personal life they have been happening on a daily base. I did see a shrink to a point and he told me I could learn do live with it but that I could never get ride of it as it is who I am. I just have to accept it.

  50. i am a compulsive blog reader and this is only the second time i have commented! i'm sure you hear this all the time, but your blog is absolutely wonderful, i look forward to it.
    with that said, back to your post. i have suffered from anxiety/panic attacks for years. most of the time, life is fabulous, but i have bad days. i always will, i think we all do. you dealt with yours exactly how i would have! i recognize it and i deal with it! somedays, i go for a run...others, i lock my bedroom door and do absolutely NOTHING at all! the kicker..i WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY FOR IT! i've noticed that those bad days and anxiety move along so much faster when i give myself time to let it pass.
    it's OK to lay in bed for the day! it's ok to have a good ol bowl of comfort food if that feels good! as long as this is a once in a while thing, you can chalk it up to one and i are human! how would we ever appreciate all the other wonderful days we have if we didn't have a few crappy ones in between?
    you are a wonderful soul! have a great week!

  51. yes, i suffer from anxiety. especially around large groups of people. and sometimes vertigo when i get really upset. you are not alone darlin.. :]

  52. I can relate to so much of what you just said, even down to the part of faking it happy while you are dying on the inside and just want to get out of the situation and go home!

    I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, a little depression too, i was on meds for 2 or so years, but went off them, as they were just making everything too numb, and taking away all my energy.
    Ive had it since i was about 18, lots of things trigger certain things off, and I guess, considering most anxiety issues are related to the brain, and the different levals of serotonin there isnt alot that can be done, you need to find the way that works best to you, to cope through situations that do trigger it off, i know you know what i mean when i say that :)
    and if that fails, just keep smiling on the outside right? lol

  53. I am a perpetual worrier. So much so that I have given myself an ulcer. I worry about everything. Did I do enough? Did I do too much? I too obsess and rethink everything that I say and do. I know that I am not perfect, that people are not perfect, but I try so hard to make everything just right. And, sometimes it's overwhelming. I have people and life pulling me in ten different directions. And because I worry about letting anyone down, I try to keep it together. But sometimes, it's too much, and all I can do is sit down and cry.

  54. Sorry you were feeling anxious. I get that a lot, have panic attacks often. They're triggered by my OCD, which is all over the place. If I am unable to fix what is bothering me it throws me off the whole day. I try feeling better by joking with friends, laughing it off, making me forget what bothered me in the first place. It works alright. Usually I just go to sleep and know that I will start a brand new day tomorrow and all will be well, no need to feel upset. :)

  55. I cannot say I personally deal with anxiety but I have friends that do. I can sympathize with what you're going through and can only say the cliche; we must all experience the bad days to really appreciate the good. Keep your chin up! <3

  56. I have very bad panic disorder, with mild ocd. This is actually diagnosed, not just my self-diagnosis. I have been on hordes of different medications when they first diagnosed me, because I was younger and just needed the feelings to go away, but now I take no medications at all and have learned to adapt to my symptoms to decrease the behaviors.

    For example, I don't drink much coffee, as caffeine can trigger. I also try to decrease all external stimuli when I am starting to feel panicked, or twitchy (my OCD manifests itself with uncontrollable facial twitches).

    Also, my parents and brothers are very good at helping me rein in those irrational thoughts that start to cycle and create panic attacks.

  57. I love your blog...inspired me to write my new post about tattoos.


  58. I use to have terrible anxiety a few years ago, I don't get it as much anymore being that my life is a lot simpler now,,but when i do, what helps me is getting in the car driving on the coast with super loud music and singing at the top of my lungs!!...sometimes i just get in the car, drive and cry. I'm sure i look super ridiculous to the people driving by me, but it's what helps me!
    A few years ago when i had it super bad, i didn't know what it was, i went to the hospital because i thought i was dying. The doctor told me i was having an anxiety attack and gave me a booklet to read, she seriously looked at me like i was crazy!!!...somewhere in the pamphlet it said that anxiety is controlled with the brain, that if we let it consume us it will. So lightbulb went off in my brain. I told myself, "i am the one causing this to myself so i will stop it"
    whenever i am in a stressful situation, i step out of it, and look at the scene from the outside in, i take a moment to relax and process life has been so much easier because of this!
    I feel for you, anxiety is not a happy thing, but it will pass, promise!!!

  59. Sometimes life has me strung tight and then one simple, usually menial event gets me all out of sorts. I usually have to push everything out of my mind, take a nap, listen to some calming music, and usually I try to do something crafty. Art is my main relaxer. I actually recently removed caffeine from my life, except for chocolate :), because it was stressing my body out which made my mind stressed.

    Anyway, we're only human. And that's okay. Love your blog and I'm sure everything will work out.

  60. a couple of summers ago i was diagnosed with OCD.
    and it's been a huge cause of anxiety in my life.
    at the time that i was diagnosed it was a lot worse.
    now, i'm pretty much like you.
    it's nothing just comes and goes.
    but when it does arrive, it's really rather sucky.
    i don't take medicine or anything for it anymore.
    i decided that i needed to learn how to just deal and push on through.
    and i know i can! :)

  61. I have had issues with anxiety. I take a low daily dose of lexapro to help with that. I also have ADHD and before I took meds for that I was much more anxious because I paid attention to EVERYTHING! I got very panicky in crowds- too much to see and too much noise. Now- the combination of adderall and lexapro help me make it through the day. I know you are not one to take meds if not absolutely neccessary. But after many years of trying to do it without, the decision to take these has made a difference.

    PS- stay away from paxil- it's the devil.

  62. I think anxiety is a normal part of life. No matter where you place yourself on the scale of anxiety frequency, I believe that everyone suffers from it in some mild way. I know for me, a girl who has suffered with anxiety and depression and eating disorders, but has come out on the back side of all of that as a much happier, and much more easy-going person, the more that I let "build up" by just brushing it off or laughing it off, the easier things can build up. I think sometimes there are just those days when too many things have piled up and there are too many factors working against our generally positive and happy selves that a small trigger can just push everything off the edge.

    I think what has helped me if finding ways to release the "little things" every once in a while. Even if they seem like nothing, just talking them out and laughing about them with someone (your coworker, Hank, friends or family) can help you "release" that bit of anxiety or stress that can pile up.

    First time commenter, but long time reader of this blog. I'm still in college to be a high school English teacher with tattoos. Needless to say, you're a huge inspiration!

  63. I'm like you, 98% of the time upbeat and relaxed, but when i do get anxious, it's usually pretty bad. Sorry you had a bad day, hope today you're feeling better.

    I usually just try to breathe slow and not too deep so i pass out, and I try to vent to either my husband or my mom who are really supportive and help me see that it's only that day, or one little thing, or that things will change, and that helps. I'm sure having this blog, which is like a diary, to express yourself, and supportive people around you, is a good thing.
    PS, I have the same D mug, my name is Danielle, too.
    Have a better week!

  64. I get anxiety attacks infrequently but have been getting them more regularly over the past few months.

    The last one I had was especially strange because my arms froze in position unable to move them,which caused me to freak out even more.

    Normally, like yourself I feel pretty calm and comfortable so I like to think of them as a little reminder that nothing can be calm all the time. An usually the beach sorts me out. Or a country walk

  65. i have also been doing its going to be a good day kind of thing. its bad to think about what the next day brings. i have social anxiety! and this weekend for me was crappy too. bad mood for sure!

  66. I have had problems in the past with anxiety and panic attacks. I had one that was so bad I ended up in the hospital because I couldn't breathe and my arms were going numb! Yikes! I have always been a chronic insomniac and found that on days I was super exhausted my brain just was not capable of dealing with certain things. I would get into this space where everything just felt out of my hands and I would start to freak out. I discovered this homeopathic tincture called Rescue Remedy. It really takes the edge off and allows me to breathe and calm down. Getting out in the sun or going for a walk also help me a lot!
    Hope you are feeling better!
    -M x

  67. I'm one of those people who, if something goes wrong - something at work, i somehow get into an argument with someone (that i dont know), something bad, even if its a tiny thing - then i will think about it over and over and over - its all that i can think about. I generally won't ever forget about it. I relive those kind of things again and again in my mind, thinking what I could have done different, why it happened....
    I guess I don't have a way of stopping it! My hubby is pretty good at distracting me, as he knows I do things like that. I find it I curl up in a ball in bed, I'm more likely to think it over, so doing something else that distracts me is best, as hard as that is!
    I'm not sure that its entirely what you're describing, but thats what I get.

  68. Thank you for writing this! Your entry and all the comments are really inspiring--it's good to know that other people go through the same things.

    I have anxiety, most of the time triggered by unfamiliar social situations (which usually results in me coming across as standoffish or disinterested, when really i'm just trying NOT to come across as stressed, anxious, weird, etc.!)

    The first thing I do is make sure that I'm really honest with those around me about how I'm feeling -- for example, in the past, I've had to tell my boyfriend that I feel really nervous to go out in large groups or really anxious about meeting his whole family all at once. Things like that.

    To make myself feel better, I try to do relaxing things: read a book, craft/make something, pilates or yoga, even taking naps. I try to put myself in my highest possible comfort zone if that makes sense.

    I hope you start feeling better soon! XO

  69. Ah, the lovely world of anxiety. I've been taking medication for anxiety since I was 5 years old. It seems a little crazy, but at 21, I still take the medicine. I've gone through phases, in middle school mostly, where I didn't want to be "different" anymore. I didn't want to have to take something everyday.

    It took me awhile to realize that it wasn't my fault. Like you said, it's something chemical in your brain.

    So while I've dealt with so many panic attacks I can't count, Just know that being able to "control it" as much as that is possible anyway, is a really good thing.

    Even if you were to "see" someone about it, they would ask you if you can control it/if you have it under control, so it sounds like you know what you are doing.

    Sorry, That turned a little random. But anyway, you aren't alone in the ugly battle of anxiety!!!

    BTW, my name is Maddie, and I'm currently a Graphic Design student in Portland, OR and I think I got to your blog originally from BlueBird Vintage. I'm not sure though. Either way, I think it's cool you are so happy with your life, a majority of the time anyway!

    so yeah, that's all. Hope you're weekend ends well!


  70. I have problems with depression and anxiety, the way i understand it is that a lot ot the nerve endings touched on for both anxiety and depression in our brains are the same, so one can often come with the other, just maybe not with the same intesity. I have been through years of counselling and psychiatrists.

    The best thing I have ever been taught to do it to assess my thought process as soon as before the spiral! After the spiral gets going it is REALLY tough to take control of all those feelings. All I can seem to do is cry a lot of it out, journal, and treat MYSELF with 'kid gloves' until it passes. It's something going on in my brain and it is not anyone's fault that it happens. There are some good books out there to help you learn to assess your thoughts and look at evidence before you allow the feelings to take control. I like Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, because it is a workbook and easily set up to pick and choose what you need from it. I think even when I am able to catch myself, I still need to realize those feelings were close and treat myself nicely for a couple days. When I feel things building up, sometimes the best thing I can do for myself is to just take a day off, fill it with more things I want to do than have to do, and take that preventative step.

    Sometimes it is not easy to remember but good moods inevitably follow bad ones.

  71. Danielle-
    Thank you for your bravery. I'm sure that you will find some sort of strength in the support of your fans and friends. I have certainly had my fair share of anxiety. I really believe that much of mine is self-induced. I mostly find it in situations where I over think every detail. The anxiety evolves in something else entirely as I make it bigger and bigger in my head. Usually it stems from my high expectations or my over analytical thought process. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job managing and we all have to give ourselves a chance to just feel what we feel and work though it. Best wishes,

  72. Danielle... this post was so comforting! i have been having a lot of these anxious/blah days lately as i am going through some major life changes. these feelings can be scary, and it's nice to know that so many people feel the same way! i agree with you, i think it's something in our heads and out of our control. some days, i feel like taking medication would be the best thing for me, my mind is constantly turning and i worry so often, taking something to calm down my over-active mind & imagination would probably improve my life! i love how you mentioned that you wake up and really decide that it is going to be a great day. i'll definately be giving that a try. :]

  73. Hi, I wanted to say thanks for being so honest, somehow it's reassuring to read everyone's comments (including yours in your post) and realize so many many people go through the same problems.

    Anyway, I have panic attacks, and the thing that helps me most has been discovering that they are (while unpleasant) simply a biological way for your body to get rid of stress and tension. Just like people sometimes have outbursts of tears, some people have anxiety attacks. So it's perfectly natural and automatic, nothing we do really causes them to happen.

    Then the other thing I find comforting is that our bodies will naturally take care of themselves. If we don't become afraid and more panicked by the symptoms (which I unfortunately do a lot) then the body naturally calms itself down. I'm in the midst of practising this now... I have a feeling it takes time to re-train your thoughts.

    Yeah, I guess we have to learn to trust that we can handle the occasional bouts of panic.

    Good luck-- xox

  74. I struggle all the time with anxiety and depression. I find that if I am doing something I am truly passionate about that I can sort of combat the onset of these issues but they still sneak up on me. When I'm feeling particularly anxious I love to do something mindless and crafty. I'm a big knitter so I'll sit down with an ongoing project and just make stitch after stitch to let my mind go. I also find that exercise helps so much. On truly awful days I go to the gym and cry while I'm running on a treadmill (people at the gym probably think I'm crazy but it totally works). Also swimming or taking a long bath can be really helpful. Something about water is so peaceful :).


  75. I completely relate- I get debilitating panic attacks and sometimes i have to just take sometime to lay down, and BREATHE- I get them so bad I wont leave the house form time to time- but figuring out your triggers right away is definitlely a good thing- I just say thank you, gratitude helps and imagine light and love flowing through my body...that gets me back into a rational mind after some time.

    hugs and love.

  76. have you told the story of how hank proposed yet?? that will make you feel happy!!

  77. just letting you know you are not alone :)
    i had MAJOR depression/anxiety attacks for years in my early twenties, and it was debilitating. the interesting thing was when i got pregnant later on, my hormones evened out and i felt sooo much better and no longer had the extreme highs and lows that i had before. i still sometimes tend toward 'the dark side' at times, and i did have post-partum depression with my second child, but now in my thirties it is really few and far between, and at least my mind is clear enough now that i can realize that it's just a dark time and it WILL go away.

  78. Wow. Some really great comments here.
    I think I first starting following your blog when I read your last 'anxiety' post. I remember it made me feel like you were a real person who dealt with the very same feelings I do.

    "I try not to get upset with myself that I feel anxious, or upset...I more so try to accept these as a part of life, as feelings, acknowledge them, and attempt to move on."
    This is how I feel as well. I cope. I'm not a crazy person, but I have my horrible days too, (not often, thankfully) and I just lump them up as being apart of me, of what makes me... Me, and I ride out the wave because I Know... 'This Too Shall Pass'.

    Just wanted to send you big hubs sweetie, and let you know that 'I feel your pain'.
    Hang in there sweets. The sun will shine upon you soon enough, just gotta get through the rain.

  79. oh nooo, this is terrible!. I get like that sometimes, I do breathing exercises that helps,and when I get sad, I primal scream into a pillow, and cry like no ones business, for hours and hours, then I have a huge glass of water and I feel super better. Feel better friend!

  80. i totally have moments where depression just sneaks up on me and takes over. it's usually when i've spent too much time alone. my man-friend will come home to find that i've been moping and sobbing around the house all day. totally not normal because i am very even-keel and "let it slide off my shoulders" most of the time. i guess it's got to catch up with a girl sometimes!!

  81. hey. :) i'm a high-strung person by nature...a lot of the time that leads to high energy and getting a lot done. and...sometimes that leads to spinning my wheels and my brain freaking out a little. i find myself tapping my feet quickly or some other kind of silly repetitive motion...which signals to me that my mind is engaged in some sort of anxiety. blech.

    i don't have answers. a small treat, hot cup of tea, reading a magazine...some way to put the pause button on the day and hope that the anxiety has passed when i hit play again.

    sometimes it works for me... :)
    love. tiny twig

  82. I had my first panic attack last December and since then (through opening up about it) I have been shocked by the number of people going through the same kind of thing! Reading your post and these comments make me feel so... normal.

    My anxiety is bizarre, I don't have to feel stressed but it will still come around. It doesn't happen very often and I haven't had a panic attack in awhile. Something that has helped me like you couldn't even imagine has been acupuncture. I'm kind of against medication (for myself) and this has been an amazing alternative to that.


  83. It's interesting that you mentioned that the shower triggers your anxiety attacks sometimes because of heat. Mine is the same way. Although the attacks usually don't happen until a little bit later when I'm out of the shower and my body is cooling down.
    I had a bit (a large) meltdown when I was living in Portland. It got to the point where I decided to go see someone at my college. I then went on medication which I am not slowly weaning off of.
    I completely understand the feeling of being thrown, when something just doesn't sit right no matter if it is a big deal or not.
    Thank you for sharing.

  84. I have been struggling with anxiety attacks for a while now to, or what I "THOUGHT" were panics attacks. When it happens, I get very dizzy, hot flashes, blurred vision, rapid heartbeat, numbness, a feeling of impending doom, and just that out of body experience. I've seen many doctors..been through every test, every kind of specialist, and a year later I have gotten a final diagnosis. Seizures. They often disguise themselves as panic attacks because the symptoms are so similar. I now take medication for them, and that's it! I'm mostly normal again! You're not alone, many of us suffer too but we like to hide it because we don't want to be embarrassed.