Sep. 17th, 2005 | 08:42 pm
i am happy today. this afternoon i spent some time kind of reflecting on times passed and about times when i felt so depressed but hardly anyone knew. it was such a sad, lonely place to be. it makes me happy to know that i am in such a different time in life and i hope i never go back to that. lately i have given up the whole idea of expectations in regards to people and events. it is much easier to expect nothing from people, and this way i am never let down. i used to get disappointed a lot because i just didn't get why people would do the things they did, or why they would choose to not do certain things. best friends who you talked to every day shift to every other day and then slowly fade to talking to every week, to twice a month, and then whatever comes next. it's okay for friends to fade out of your life, and this is a good realization. i have spent too much time putting effort into people and relationships; shouldn't it be easier? i should want to call him or her, and vice versa. not being relieved when the voice mail picks up because we don't have to actually spend any time catching up. and thus, the personal relationship ends and a new one begins. one of avoidance and excuses, from both sides. we are all in our own bubbles and somewhere along the line i don't care anymore to try and to force old friendships to stay current. people change. ideals change. a lot of the girls i used to spend a lot of time with aren't in my radar anymore. we have different ideas of happiness and about life. these aren't reasons to end a friendship, but when you don't spend any time making new memories, and rely solely on the old to fuel conversations about times gone by, there is no need to continue it. i like where i am right now. there are a handful of people whom i love more than anything, and our relationship has grown and weathered change and adapted to life. and to the others, it's okay to say goodbye to what we had, and welcome in a courteous hello and how are you when we meet again.