Friday, August 6, 2010
You should be here in just over 100 days, maybe more, maybe less, and your Dad and I are just over the moon excited about your impending birthday. We've likened it to waiting for a dear friend to visit- we've put the date on our calendar, marked it with a big red x, and now we are just trying to make everything perfect for your arrival. But in this case, it's not just any friend's visit...it's our son's homecoming. Time is speeding up, and at the same time, it seems to be dragging along. I'm trying to really take in all of these last moments before you get here, because I know nothing will ever be the same.
Recently I've thought about the fact that you will have the ability to look back on my words one day, and it's interesting to think about what you will think when you read letters to yourself, learn about what you Dad and I were like when we were young, and enjoy so many stories and photos. I can't even begin to think what it would be like to be able to read such a detailed account of my Mom's! So on the days when I just don't feel like blogging, when I don't feel like documenting everything, I think of you and I think of the future, and I have no problem finding the time and energy to come to this space.
I feel like I'm already a better person having become your Mom, even though you're not quite here yet. I'm venturing into uncharted territory, and although I'm scared, there's something in me that knows this is right. You are the most amazing gift in the world and it's indescribable how it makes me feel to be bringing you into this world. I can't even fathom what it will be like once you are in my arms, when my day is all about you, when your Dad can rock you to sleep and call you his son.
There are so many things I want to teach you: to love everyone- to love every single person on this planet no matter who they are or where they come from. Not to judge, not to be mean, to have an open heart and to play and have fun and be a kid for as long as you can. I want you to embrace life and take it in every single day. I want you to look back on your childhood with fondness and feel way down deep in your heart that you are really, truly loved.
At the end of each day, if I can look at you and know that on that day, I did the best I could to love you, I will feel like that day is a success, and if I can look back on my life and know that it was filled with day after day of days like that, days full of loving you, then I will have lived a good life.
See you soon,