Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Well, sweet boy your mama is almost 9 months pregnant now. It's funny because before I was ever pregnant I always thought that if someone was 9 months pregnant it meant they were about to give birth, but no. It's a full 9 months which means you could be in here for another four or five weeks, give or take. Now that we are all settled in the new house everything seems a lot more real than it ever has. Things are happening very quickly and with every little thing we build and set up for you your Dad and I kind of sit in awe for a second thinking about the fact that soon this little swing, or that little crib will soon be yours. This week we will be both beginning and finishing your nursery. We have all the pieces to make it the perfect room for you, so after we paint the walls a beautiful gray we'll start putting it all together. Luckily your grandparents (my parents) will be spending a few days with us so they can help me while your papa works. And speaking of work, the countdown is really on for me to leave my job as a teacher. Officially I have 17 more working days at the very most and it's starting to sink in a bit how much everything is about to change. There was never a doubt in my mind that I wanted to stay home with you- I couldn't imagine not raising you this way, and I am so grateful for your father that he makes this possible for us. He's a hard worker and you'll see this when you get here! Just the other day we were at a shop, buying something for your room and the woman who was helping us asked me what I did for a living. I quickly responded with "Oh, I'm a high school teacher." And then realized that this would only be true for another few weeks. It's funny how much of our identity we tie to our profession. It seems natural and normal for me to respond with "teacher" when asked what I do. And I suppose I will still be a teacher, but of a different kind. A couple of people have asked me if I felt like I would be "wasting" my Bachelor's and Master's degrees by not working, but really, how could any preparation in life be seen as a waste? I've spent the last six years of my life working with amazing people, spending time with inspiring, wonderful children, and I really feel that this has prepared me to be a Mom more than anything. I've loved my time in the classroom, but I am excited and ready to be a full-time Mom to you, and to make the best life possible for our family as the years go by. I don't feel like I'm giving anything up; I truly feel like I am gaining so much more.
As these days wind down I find myself realizing that everything as we know it "now" will soon become "then." This will all be "before we had Henry." To say that your arrival is life-changing is an understatement. You will change everything, for the better. You already have. I just wish I could take this version of myself, a Mom but not-quite-a-Mom, a younger me, on the cusp of this incredible journey, and save it for you in a bottle. I'd like for you to be able to meet this person after years have gone by. I'd like for you to know your Dad in all of his young, Dad but not-quite-a-Dad wonderfulness, which will be just as wonderful as the Dad you will know, but quite different. I want you know what we were like as teenagers, then as young twenty-somethings falling in love, I want you to know our story, what we liked and loved, what made us tick, I want you to know those two people up there in that photo. I was thinking and thinking about this late last night and then I realized that this space here, this little corner of the internet, this is where you can come if you ever want to know more once you are older. Here you can read about your parents before we were your parents, here you can learn about all of the things that made me happy and sad, and in a way, get to know a different version of us. And that is comforting.
As this next month flies by, I want you to know how excited we are. You were our world before you ever even really came into the world, and have always been a part of us. I've said it before and I will say it again, whoever you are, whoever you want to be, we will accept you fully and love you to no end. You are already loved so much, and this was so evident last weekend during the baby shower that celebrated your life and impending birth. I've also said this before, but when you arrive it will truly be like a friend coming home. We've been getting everything ready for you, we've been preparing, and now we are waiting. The anticipation is unreal and oh-so very exciting. I feel like I should decorate the hospital room with streamers and balloons, complete with cupcakes and favors. Hello Henry! Welcome home! We've been waiting for you.
I love you,