Sunday, October 31, 2010

On nasty, anonymous commenters...

{image via weheartit}

What could I possibly say about this topic that hasn't been said a million times? It's funny because a year or two ago, when I received my first mean anonymous comment on this site, all of my blog friends said something along the lines of "congratulations, welcome to the club!" Getting anonymous comments are (unfortunately) par for the course. If you get a few hundred, or a few thousand visitors everyday you can be assured that there is a large handful of those people amidst that big number who probably can't stand you yet still come by to read what you write! It sounds odd, but it's so true. It goes back to number five on my "things I learned in my 20s part one" (click here to read). The point I made there is that not everyone will like you (and that's okay)! Mean comments don't happen very often on this blog, but they do every once and awhile. I don't care about whatever it is they decide to say, but the fact that someone is out there, so worked up and ANGRY...taking so much of their energy to write something nasty...well, that kind of freaks me out. Luckily I'm at a point now where it doesn't get to me. We're all human though, and if you're not in the right mindset, words can definitely hurt even if they aren't true statements- the anger alone can be the upsetting part. Just this week I had an anonymous commenter come and leave a comment, which was ironic because just the day before my friend had gotten a similar, horrible comment on her blog that we had discussed for a bit. I chose to delete the comment and just quickly respond on the post, telling the person not to come back. I'm sure they're still reading, and that's okay (oh heeey rude anon!), but maybe that person has thought a bit about how silly and sad they really sounded, although that's probably a stretch. Opinions are welcome- yes, even negative ones about me- and I of course support everyone's right to say and feel how they want, but when they turn nasty it's just wrong. So with all of this in mind, I just wanted to share a couple of things that have helped me when I've received rude comments.
  • Remember that you are dealing with a very sad person behind that anonymous screen. For someone to come willingly to your space on the internet, read what you have to say, and then take the time to leave a rude comment, really takes a lot of negative energy. In the past few years I've gotten away from even reacting to these people and instead it's turned into feeling so, so sad for them. What an unhappy life to want to bring others down, and try and hurt them!
  • The happier you are, the more "haters" you will receive. My blog is generally pretty upbeat, I talk about happy topics, use a lot of exclamation points from time to time, post quotes that inspire me, and I make no apologies about leading a life full of love that I am incredibly thankful for. I can imagine this would really annoy some people. You have to remind yourself though that these commenters have come willingly to your blog. Remember that. They have sought you out. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about putting yourself out there, or being happy, just because they're not.
  • Also, remember that the internet is just that- the internet. Don't get too wrapped up in what anyone thinks, be it good OR bad. Blogging is fun, but it should be something that enhances your life, not something that becomes your life. I personally like to take a "delete and ignore" stance on anonymous comments- I responded a bit to the person the other day, which I probably shouldn't have, but I went ahead and deleted their rude comment because I didn't want the entire thread to turn into people "defending" me unnecessarily and defeating the whole purpose of what should have been a positive post. Handle the comments however you'd like, but for me, not even allowing them to exist works well. It can be hard not to want to defend yourself, but by doing that you totally are validating the effect and importance of the nasty words. I used to feel like I had to write back to anything rude or unkind. "Fake?! You want to call me fake? How dare you! blah blah blah!" What an epic waste of energy. Instead, just move on.
  • And don't forget, the rude person often has some reason for not liking you, your blog, their perception of you, whatever, that has less to do about you, and a LOT more to do about them. That phrase "haters gonna hate" fits pretty perfectly into this- no matter what you do, you can't please everyone, so just worry about your own happiness and wish the best for anyone who decides to try and bring you down to their negative level.
Thanks for reading this little list- so much love and happy blogging! :]

40 comments:

  1. i think you're the bee's knees! silly people! xo

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  2. You are so sweet and positive and I'm sorry that people leave you negative mean comments. Your happiness is contagious and I'm glad you don't let the rude comments get you down. I adore your blog <3

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  3. People are seriously soo stupid. I have to approve all my comments because of all the anonymous comments I was getting. I love your blog! Thanks for writing this list.


    www.alittlekingandiblog.com

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  4. Positive vibes to you for looking upon this so kindly.

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  5. I'm amazed at how well you're able to let go of the negativity! A few weeks ago I found out a classmate had said some really negative things about me (including that I was lazy because I left work at 5 or 6 in the evening), and even though it was ridiculous and I didn't particularly care for her, it hurt! You have a loving husband, and adorable baby on the way, and most of us readers are head over heels for you!

    As for staying positive, my blog is about trying to embrace the beauty in every day, you're always welcome to stop by! It's baumers.tumblr.com :)

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  6. well said friend! people let blogs in general take over their lives and the anon haters out their are just annoying!!
    Happy Halloween!!!!
    xo

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  7. It's so inspiring how you are able to rise above negativity like that :)
    I bet you're a great role model for your students!
    Happy Halloween xoxo

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  8. Great post Dani. Since you get mean comments every now & then is there a setting on your blog to make it to where it doesn't allow people to comment anonymously at all? That might be something to look into that way you don't have to deal with it period. (of course, assuming that every mean comment will be posted anonymously because no one seems to have balls these days)

    Anyways, I just wanted to let you know that I find your blog to be very inspiring. The way you live your life in positivity is amazing and I aspire to be a lot like you in that sense. I used to have severe depression especially in high school and though I've learned to not be so negative about things anymore reading your stories and just your outlook on life is totally astonishing and I guess you could say whenever I'm in a funk or having low self esteem I like to come to your blog because it just reminds me how beautiful life is and to always see the positive. Sorry for the long comment!
    Love you girl!<333

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  9. Well said.

    There's enough negativity in this world; I love finding blogs with a positive outlook, reminding us all to take pleasure in life!

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  10. Amazing! I wish I could be like you lol. Somehow I let the negative stick with me sometimes.

    Little Sugar Monster

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  11. You are such a beautiful person! I love reading your blog - you are just so inspiring!

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  12. You are so motivating! I'm glad you don't let it get you down. You obviously have a very solid opinion of yourself and I definitely admire that in anyone! I hope to be that sure of myself someday! =) That's why I read your blog. Why spend your time reading something that bothers you so much that you feel the need to be mean about it? I mean really!

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  13. I like this post (: it is quite motivating!

    Love your blog xo

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  14. Wonderful post and so true! Some people are just plain mean and that is life, just gotta deal with it and move on. :)
    -K

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  15. I'm loving this post!
    Thanks for writing it!!!

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  16. Brilliant as usual. You are just fantastic Danielle. I love your upbeat positivity and your love can be seen in your writing. It's SO awesome to read about your life and I'm glad you don't let the jerks bring you down. You wouldn't have as many readers as you do if you were doing something wrong! :) <3 <3

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  17. totes agree. i haven't gotten a rude comment yet, on my blog. but i am anticipating the day it arrives. people sure have a lot of time on their hands...

    xo
    Stephanie @FemmenaMala

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  19. this is why i read your blog.
    keeping it positive!

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  20. Well said Dani. Just remember that there are a bazillion of us who know that you rock. xo

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  21. I love reading your blog and I love going back to read the 5 things you've learned in your 20s. I just hit 26 and am still learning some of the things on your list.

    I am glad to read such an uplifting, positive blog :)

    Hope you are having a happy halloween!

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  22. such a great post, danielle... every blogger should read it! i love how positive you are - sometimes it's so hard not to get defensive and put anons in their place... but i've realized that just deleting their rude words is SO much better and totally deflates their anticipation for a reply. it's unfortunate that we all have to deal with this in the first place, and it's sad that there are people out there who are so insecure with themselves and SO jealous of everyone that they have to dump all of that onto others... i wish i could tell them all that it doesn't have to be that way!

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  23. You are totally right on point. I think it is just plain sad when someone wastes the time and energy writing mean things about someone else and their life choices. It is so incredible that you can let it roll off like you do. I am new to your space but I love it already. You are so positive and upbeat and I love hearing about your journey through pregnancy (I am 18 weeks right now!!).

    Keep smiling :)

    PS Loved your post the other day about staying motivated to workout!

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  24. Hi!! We know that this kind of comment is not relevant... We love your blog! And please give us the recipe of the pumpkin biscuits from your mom!! Look delicious! xo

    Happy halloween!!

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  25. I cant believe someone would write a nasty comment on your blog - I absolutely LOVE your blog!!! shame that some people are so sad and bitter!! Good on you for not taking anything they say on board!!! :)

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  26. Hi!

    I love your blog! I'm your newest follower, when you get a chance maybe you can check out my blog too.
    http://diaryofabrand-newmom.blogspot.com

    Thanks :)

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  27. how could someone leave a nasty comment here? its such a beautiful kind blog.

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  28. hi! first time commenter, but as a broody 20-somethink, i've been vicariously enjoying following your pregnancy on here :) i decided to take down comments on my blog after an obsessive anon got out of hand. it made me really sad. this list was lovely, and helped me put it in perspective, so thank you xoxox

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  29. long time reader, 1st time poster from Sydney, Australia. I cannot believe someone would bother to do such a thing, and of all blogs to yours??
    You come across as so adorable and sweet I just cannot imagine what someone could take objection to?

    Love your work

    carpet-burns.blogspot.com

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  30. aw. i really love that you took the time to write this; it speaks so much of your character that you want to help people in a similar situation as you!

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  31. may i just say that as one of your blog followers, what on earth could anyone say about you that is bad? granted none of us are perfect, but you blog is such a sweet and friendly place. i lovelovelove your blog- and this post was a great one. hope you get only positive comments from here on out. :)
    -kel

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  32. I just love when you post...thanks for just being you and sharing your life with those of us you owe nothing!

    Blessings!

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  33. Anonymous posters are a pain, especially when all they can say are negative things. As my mom always told me, "Treat others the way you want to be treated!"

    I'm lucky and don't have an "Anonymous" option for my blog, one of the main reasons why I stopped using Blogger.

    But I think your blog is just lovely and people are crazy to hate on your blog!

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  34. Agree with everyone. Those people are just haterrsss!

    and ya know ... Its funny how they taken time outta their life to write something like that. Shows how much time is on their hands. I think ur great ♥

    xo

    Kristin

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  35. This is fantastic! I adore that strength you have not to answer to the nasty ones, perhaps most of us would have done so...
    I'am pretty new here, but love your blog :-)

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  36. Mean people suck. Good for you for taking it like this.

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  37. amen. I have only had 2 mean anon comments in just over 2 years, but yeah, I'm sensitive. I moderate my comments now, just as a pre-caution. I appreciated reading your take on the situation, however rare or insignificant. It's like a road rage thing, where it's usually the guy giving the finger that has the issues, not the 'fingered'. I like making crazy swirly finger :0D Wish there was a emotocon for that!!!! (Ps. I like !'s too).

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  38. You have much more class and tact than I. I tell them to eff off, whoops!

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  39. I too think you and your observations pretty wonderful. I just received my first nasty anonymous blog comment. I approve all comments first, so I deleted it, and immediately reset my blog, and no longer accept any anonymous comments. I wrote the following, and posted it under my 'I love your comments' picture, and the 'thank you to my kind readers', in my sidebar:

    "It is everyone's choice to read a blog or not. I do not allow anonymous comments, feeling very strongly that one should stand behind whatever they say. In my opinion, comments on any blog should be made in the spirit of kindness, friendship, and support. Nasty personal attacks are not, and never will be, tolerated."

    This works for ME. I chose not to publicly 'call out' the coward, and like you, I feel sorry for someone---(a woman, I too am sure), who is so miserable that she must make a gratuitous, mean-spirited, personal attack on me. My feelings were not hurt. I feel she is someone who is ignorant, jealous, and extremely unhappy with herself.

    I am a happy person, and have striven to make my blog one of class, grace, and a reflection of my own life, and the happiness I am blessed to have. I have chosen never to dwell on my hardships, and when I started my blog, it began as a way to focus on, and to celebrate the positive things in my life...I will NOT ever use my blog for negativity and whining, nor will I ever recognize or dignify such pathetic cowards...

    I found your blog serendipitously, and whatever residual 'harumph'or outrage I may have momentarily felt is now completely dispelled.

    I agree with all the gentle readers here who feel your happiness is contagious, and your blog pure joy!
    Mary
    http://anhistoricallady.blogspot.com

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