Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A reminder for myself, and maybe for you too!

silly- for my blog

I've always known this, maybe more than others, because it's a nasty little habit of mine to feel like I want everyone in my life to be happy.  Over the years though, I've learned that those who try and please everyone please no one, including themselves.  In blogging or creating this is an especially important lesson; whether you have a new blog or you've been blogging forever, it's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to make everyone happy.  You do this though, and it's a surefire way to one, totally hate what you're creating, and two, probably kind of dislike yourself because you're running around ragged trying to gain approval.

The longer I blog the more I realize that I have to keep doing what I love.  Whether I have five readers or five thousand, there is no way to make everyone happy, and I hope I never fall into trying to do so.  Talk about exhausting!  I didn't start this space for everyone else, I started it for me!  Somewhere along the way I've picked up many friends who enjoy this space (and many who don't, too!) and in that big number lies thousands of different people with different interests, likes and dislikes.

I was reminded of this when I put my survey out yesterday.  For those who missed it, I asked six questions: how long you've been a reader, how you found this blog, what time you typically visit, likes, dislikes, and suggestions.  The first three questions' answers were what I was aiming to learn more about, and I was hesitant to ask the more open-ended ones because although I value everyone's opinion, I wasn't planning on changing anything to suit anyone in particular. I was more just curious to see what people thought, and I sure got a lot of thoughts! The results came rolling in very quickly, and it was so interesting to read through all the comments. I found the answers to the likes and dislikes questions the most fascinating, and those two sections were what prompted me to write this entry.

On one line, someone would say how much they loved Tattoo Tuesday, on another, how they hated it and wished I would stop it right this moment.  Someone else said I post too many photos, another, not enough.  Further down the page: I don't write enough personal posts; my posts are too long and wordy.  I'm too happy, I seem fake, or my blog was so real and they appreciated how genuine I was.  In one line I don't post enough; in another, I post too much.  Others talked about how they disliked the "Slice of" posts, some told me that was their favorite feature. Many people said that they come to my blog because they really love the positive energy I put out, one person said it gets on their nerves.  A few comments said that there was too much baby talk going on, and then conversely many others said there wasn't enough.

So you see, out of thousands of people who come here, this was a 100 person cross-section, with incredibly differing opinions.  If I was to listen to every single person, I wouldn't be able to blog about anything.  It's almost humorous how back and forth all of the comments went. I could stop this or that feature to appease those who dislike it, but then I'd upset those who do enjoy it.  I could go in circles with this...but what it comes down to is something I already knew, but only validated by this survey:  I just have to keep doing what I'm doing, and do what makes me happy.  You can never please everyone, and why even try?  What a waste of energy.

This can be applicable in everyday life too, and I've spoken about it before here and in numerous other posts.  You just have to keep doing your thing, stay true to yourself, and not worry about what others may say.  I thought I would share this because I, and maybe you too, could use this reminder.  We can't please 'em all, but if we can please ourselves and be proud of what we put out there, I'd say that's a success!

And before I go, I also wanted to say again how much I enjoyed reading every single comment, both the criticism and the accolades!  I love that you all took the time out of your day to share your opinions with me, and although I won't be changing anything major to suit anyone in particular, I did become inspired to do many of the suggestions sent my way.  :) Oh, and some of you had mentioned how you wished I still had a formspring.  I definitely won't be using that account anymore, but you can always email me and I'd be happy to answer any questions you have!

Have a great day! xo

66 comments:

  1. This is something I have to remind myself of daily. I spent a lot of years trying to please everyone and not only did I fail in that, but I made myself miserable in the process. Now I just keep doing what I do, and if no one gets hurt, then I'm a happy camper. :)

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  2. What an excellent post, especially to start off the new year. It would solve so much TIME and frustration if we could carry this advice with us into our daily life :)

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  3. Thanks ladies! And Lori, definitely! I feel like I learned this lesson most of all from blogging and I'm happy it's carried over into everyday life!

    Thanks for stopping by <3 <3

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  4. I think trying too hard to be someone or something you aren't is also going to get you in the same hot water. I learned that when I was younger trying to find my style and such. Being yourself regardless is a best bet.

    What I wonder is if you are so irritating and annoying with your positive tude and (awesome) pictures featuring your cute new bebe why do they follow at all? Move it on haters! I've been watching your blog I think for a year now and if its too much whatever I just wait for the next post.

    PS. I had fun doing Tattoo Tuesday so uh!

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  5. danielle you are a beautiful person, and no one should ever try to put you down...if they do they are jealous, and that is a fact. so ignore them, and do what you want!

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  6. I love your blog! Keep doing what you're doing! :)

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  7. Oh snap! Good for you, it's all about doing what we love and what makes us happy. Sadly for some that takes a long time to figure out!

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  8. I think your blog is great, and if someone doesn't like it entirely, I don't know why they would even come to look? If someone dislikes one of your features, then its a good thing its your blog and not theirs :).

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  9. Thank you for this Danielle. I just started blogging two months ago and I was intimidated at first to put my words out there for fear of what people would think. Thankfully I brushed that aside and I'm glad I did. Just as in life, not everyone is going to like you and that's ok! :)

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  10. Great reminder. I work as a training consultant for colleges and universities, which means that I have read tons of positive and negative training evaluations - room was too hot, room was too cold; session went too quickly, session was agonizingly slow. It was a real hurdle for me personally but it's been a great learning experience. I think you have a great perspective on the whole thing. Keep up the great work :)

    Oh, and I'm with the girl who has the same name as me - if people don't enjoy a blog why even read it at all? So far I have loved absolutely everything you've done, and if I didn't, I wouldn't return!

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  11. Great post! Something most of us need to be reminded of now and then, and it can give others courage just to say it... er... aloud, so to speak.

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  12. What I've learned in life is that the only person you can make happy, is yourself. You do what you want with your blog and don't worry about what others think. If they don't like your blog, then they shouldn't read it. Who cares if you lose readers? You'll still have yourself and your family at the end of the day.

    I love reading your blog. It's like I've known you for years; your posts are honest and quite lovely. Keep up the great work!

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  13. Thank you so much for posting this. As a new blogger i am constantly trying to get people to approve of what I am posting. Like you, I started this blog for myself and maybe someone else would like it enough to read. Again, thank you for reminding all your readers that you can't please everyone and that shouldn't be the goal.

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  14. this is a great post with a great message. you definitely can't make everyone happy so by posting about what YOU love you will meet people who like you for you...not someone you are pretending to be.
    i think you're great :)

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  15. blogging is always a weird balance because you are choosing to put your words and opinions and lifestyle out for everyone to see, but it hurts when people are negative or rude about things you say! i have this issue with my blog a lot (and in real life too!)

    you're right, you can't please everyone -- but look how many people are here and love your blog! that's something to keep in mind, right? i think your blog seems honest and fun and happy! XO.

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  16. hi friend! obviously, I LOVE you and everything about your little blog! Being yourself is the best medicine and I think you were so brave to even ask opinions of others. No matter what, in the end...people would flock to read tidbits about your life if they didn't love you too. And as Oscar Wilde said, "be yourself, everyone else is taken!"

    xoxo

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  17. I love this and completely agree with you. It really does bother me when readers try to get a blog to change and honestly, I believe if you don't like the blog WHY ARE YOU FOLLOWING IT?! When it comes to blogs, you should be able to post whatever you feel! :)

    The Sweetest Life

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  18. This post was very well called for. Thank you for the reminders, your experience, and clarity. You are awesome and I don't think I'll be going anywhere. :)

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  19. Love this post! LOVE Tattoo Tuesday!

    xo.

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  20. What I love about your blog (and what I think those comments also tell you) is that it nearly has something for everyone! I think you would be hard pressed to find a reader that doesn't really enjoy X or Y feature/section. You do a wonderful job of diversifying your posts. Keep it up, girl.

    XO
    Carly

    All this is Grace and Charm
    http://allthisgraceandcharm.blogspot.com

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  21. such a good reminder. keep up the good work on being yourself.. its what makes this blog so great.

    i forgot to comment the other day on the post for new readers to leave their blog URL..

    you can check mine out: http://www.vanillaandlace.blogspot.com

    i blog about everyday life, hobbies, veg cooking and healthy baking.

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  22. again great post! if they don't like it don't look.
    Its simple.
    Love your blog.

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  23. I think that's the beauty of blogs, if you don't like a post then skip it! I love this blog, keep doing what you're doing!

    <3

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  24. The crazy thing is if you gave that survey to the exact same people on a different day and time, you'd probably get different answers. The great thing about blogs, readers can skip the post they don't like and devour the ones they do. Blog on!

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  25. That's what I love about your blog! You do what you want...and that's the way it should be! I have to remind myself of this all the time, so I really appreciate the pep talk! :D

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  26. Great post, Danielle. Don't worry about making others happy and keep this blog for yourself. You obviously are doing something right. If someone doesn't like something you post they can skip over it. For me, I love reading your personal posts, your posts about Henry, and your insights. The "features" aren't my favorite thing but I'll glance at them and see if anything catches my eye. If not, I skim through and move on. It's your blog and you should do what you want. I'd never stop reading because I didn't like one of the features. That's just silly! And I love your positive attitude. I am very much the same way and it's so good for you. Keep it up :)

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  27. From one "people pleaser" to another, thank you for posting this. It was just what I needed to hear! You're a peach!

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  28. Thanks for posting this. This is something I struggle with every single day when it comes to blogging. I've resolved to be me no matter what because like you said, it's not about the number of followers you have.

    You're genuine & fantastic. Keep doing what you're doing, lady. <3

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  29. danielle, i always appreciate your positivity! keep your blog the same.. it's honest, interesting, &perfect as is! (but i'm sure you already know that! i just had to reiterate!) your blog is certainly a favorite of mine!
    xoxo nicole

    ps. you remind me, i need to write more in mine!

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  30. This is a great post and definitely a great reminder! I know I can't help but want to "please" those who stumble on to my blog, because it's nice to have readers and it's that much more fun/rewarding when I know people are returning to read what I write because they really enjoy it- but I know that if I ever stop enjoying it myself that I wont keep it up. (which has happened with previous blogs!) So I love this little reminder to stay true!

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  31. Why would anyone continue to read a blog that annoyed them?! People are so weird. I love your blog just the way it is! And if you changed it, I would probably love it just as much because I also love change. I didn't get to take the survey, but if I did I would only have the nicest, most positive things to say about you and your little chunk of the internet!!

    Also, life is YOURS to live. No one else's. So do what makes YOU happy. And if you can make someone else happy in the process than more power to you. But you certainly don't owe it to anyone! I try to tell myself that everyday. Sometimes you have to be just a little bit selfish to stay sane...

    <3

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  32. Hi! I didn't get to do the survey yesterday but I just wanted to let you know that I think your blog is perfect the way it is! You motivate me when I read your blog. Thank you!

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  33. Trying to please everyone and have everyone like me is something I'm guilty of all the time, and it really is so draining and upsetting after awhile. I need to just let that go - working hard to get there!

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  34. I find it really odd that people actually complain about the things other bloggers do. If someone doesn't like the content for the day, don;t read it? I understand you asked the questions knowing there would be some negativity but it all seems to silly. In the long run, unless we know you personally (real life friends, not blogger friends!) I have no wright to say you are fake or too happy. I don't understand why being happy all the time is a problem either!

    To make this now long story... just a bit longer... I love reading your blog. If its something I 'm not so interested in that day... I wont! So keep posting... keep those pictures coming.... and for the love of god... KEEP HENRY ALL OVER THIS BLOG! I'm slowly falling in love with him.

    A/C

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  35. i needed to read this + really appreciate you taking the time to write it.

    keep on keepin' on with your awesomeness!

    xoxo

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  36. I actually reminded my MOM about this today! You can't win 'em all. You also should surround yourself with people who make you happy, not the opposite. You can't change yourself to make everyone else happy, but you can remove that person! I did, with a few people. :)

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  37. Danielle, thank you sooo much for your lovely and thoughtful posts! Its lways good to have someone to remind you about the important things in life!

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  38. Annoyed by your positive energy...really?!?! Pish posh!

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  39. I've never commented before, but I've been reading for maybe a year now. I can't remember how I found your blog, but I'm glad I did. You are so cheerful and uplifting that I love when my reader says you have new posts to be read. You are adorably sweet and as an expectant mom its nice to see someone so happy and content with the life changes a child brings.

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  40. too true! btw, I like all the pictures! keep 'em coming! but if you don't, I won't complain ha ( :

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  41. I'm sure it's hard when people leave nasty comments but just remember that we all come to YOUR blog. If someone doesn't like it they can easily close the page. I read your blog because you are interesting and well written. Keep doing what you do and thank you for opening your life up to all of us!

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  42. I like your blog because within one or two posts I know what you are about and what I am going to continue to read about or not. you are positive and happy and giving of your little space to feature so many people and I think its great!
    Anyhow I missed the bus the other day but I recently started a blog you might like it, might not but you asked for links so here is mine if you want to come visit!

    Hayley
    http://www.theweekendfile.blogspot.com

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  43. I love your blog!! Thank you for being you!!!

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  44. I adooreee Tattoo Tuesday <3

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  45. this is totally true :) i think it's crazy that you put the option out there for people to give negative responses back, but only because I would be too scared to read them! i agree though, you have to do what makes you happy! and if there's a certain post someone doesnt like to read? they can skip that day ;)

    have a great night!

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  46. You are so right on. I tried one time to please everybody and I didn't like one bit what I was posting and that I was trying to be someone else. Now it's just me posting...things that come to my mind..much less effort...much more happiness! :)

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  47. I struggle with this myself, it's the main thing that keeps me from writing or just being who I want to be in general. Great reminder.

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  48. So true! (I definitely need to remind myself of this more often than I'd like.) Glad that you'll keep doing what you're doing! ;)

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  49. what a great reminder for everyone in any life situation, especially at the start of a new year!

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  50. Great post; great YOU!

    I'm a new reader of your blog and I adore it all :) May not be for some, if so.. don't read what you don't like yeah?

    You do an amazing job, you inspire me!! thank you!

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  51. You are so right:-)

    I like the diversity in your posts, keeps everything interesting and new.

    I don't like Tattoo Tuesday because it makes me wanna have a tattoo and that's something that isn't very welcome in my future job :-) (nor social environment). (Read: I actually love Tattoo Tuesday:-)).

    People like you inspire me and make me wanna blog, which I'm trying now:)

    So just keep on doing what you're doing!

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  52. I agree with you. It's your blog, keep on being you. Why pretend to be someone your not in order to please someone else...not worth it.
    No one will ever be able to please everyone.

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  53. I say, if people dont like certain parts of the blog or whatever, they do not have to read! If they dont like certain posts, they can skip over them! I love the way you blog, not everything is for me-just as if you read my blog, Im sure the same thing would happen. So, yes, keep blogging the way you blog!! :-)

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  54. I've been reading your blog for over a year now, but this is my first comment. Blog for YOU. If others don't like a certain feature/post they have the option to not read it.

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  55. Your blog is so cute!! :)
    -rylie form www.outnumberedblog.com

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  56. Great advice online and off. But we all need to remember that as a consumer, reader, visitor etc not everything is going to 100% suit 100% of the time.

    Remember why you started visiting in the first place - and is it really that hard to scroll past something we might not be that interested in anyway. I am a very new reader and love love love your site. Don't change a thing!

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  57. I know I'm newish to your blog but I really find joy in all of your features. I'm always curious to check them out. I'm glad that you are writing what you want and doing things for yourself. It's exhausting making everyone happy and of course impossible. Your blog is an inspiration. Keep up the amazing work.

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  58. Well for what its worth, I love your blog exactly the way it is. I completely admire blogs that are true to the person who writes them, and I admire your blog for being so genuine. You are an inspiration to me and I'm really happy I found your blog!
    It makes me sad that people would be so negative. :(

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  59. The only person you need to worry about pleasing is you. If everyone agreed about everything, then the world would be seriously boring.

    Can you imagine if we all liked the same things? It's a nightmare!

    The fact that people feel they need to tell you to change are really just unhappy with themselves and seeing you as the problem.

    And even if you are fake (which I don't think so), then why waste their energy telling you? I steer clear of things I don't like... I don't get it.

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  60. Oh my goodness.
    I've been away for a bit, so I had to read back quite a few posts and just barely found this.

    I think you're an amazing woman, with a huge amount of love, respect and intelligence in a little body.

    If you feel like posting a million pictures, or an angry rant, you have the right to do so. It is your blog.
    *stomps foot*

    People come here to read about you, your life and your opinions.
    If they don't like it, they need not comment on it.

    Your blog is wonderful, and having such an up-beat blog to read every few days is quite the mood-booster for me.
    :)

    ps-I love love love Tattoo Tuesday.
    I wish I had as many, and as lovely tattoo's as those you feature do!

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  61. I was thinking about this just the other day. I've always posted playlists on my blog, and they obviously reflect my personal taste in music, which is mainly punk rock, emo, indie and folk punk, so not something that would appeal to everybody. The other day I was preparing my 2010 playlist and thought "why bother posting it if most people who read my blog will probably hate it?". Thankfully the answer came soon: "beacuse I care and it is my blog". I think this is something similar to your tattoo posts, it's something that doesn't normally appeal to the mainstream and, once a blog gets a lot of followers (and yours has a lot) it is unavoidable that most of that won't necessarily be into the same things as you, especially when they are not so common. But as you said, this is your blog and it's up to you to post about whatever you feel comfortable with. The great thing about blogs is that, as opposed to most print press, they actually reflect a variety of different personalities, and most things that people have complained about are what makes your blog unique.

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  62. oh, and I will be adding this post to my weekend links. It's such a good read!

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