Wednesday, January 19, 2011

When I grow up...

 "For children, childhood is timeless. It is always the present. Everything is in the present tense. Of course, they have memories. Of course, time shifts a little for them and Christmas comes 'round in the end. But they don’t feel it. Today is what they feel, and when they say ‘When I grow up,’ there is always an edge of disbelief - how could they ever be other than what they are?"

 -Ian McEwan

Sometimes it's shocking to me that I am a Mom, that I am married, that I am an adult.  I still feel 15 half the time, and it seems so strange to me that no no, I am 28.  For those in their teens or early twenties who read this blog, trust me, it goes by so, so quickly.  And I know, everyone says that.  But I guess I never understood it until I realized that I AM grown up.  I'm not 15, I'm not even 22 or 23 with a big chunk of my twenties still to live.  I'm going to be 29 in May, and absolutely, 100% grown up.  But what does this even mean?  When I was a kid, I used to dream big.  I would tell everyone, anyone who would listen all about my large plans for when I was "all grown up."  I wanted to be an astronaut one day, a pioneer another (yes, I wanted to be a pioneer, someway, somehow), a doctor, a cruise director, the President.  As I got older my dreams changed, things shifted, and I got a degree in English.  I became a teacher.  I couldn't imagine doing this when I was a kid, and it's funny to me to think back to my small self and envision that little me being told of my future: you will go to school in Arizona, get a degree in English, meet your husband, go to grad school, become an English teacher, and then leave work to become a stay at home Mom.  I can only imagine the look I would have given the bearer of this news.  UM, excuse me?  But this is what my future turned out to be.  I couldn't imagine it any other way, and I feel happy and satisfied about this life that I live.  Now with a son, it's interesting to think about his future; what will he "be"? Who will he strive to become? The quote I included at the top of this post was thought provoking to me- I remember all too well those feelings of disbelief that things would ever be different than they are.  Time went by in the blink of an eye though, and looking back it seems like my childhood was over in a rushed breath.  Thinking back to particular moments it seems much slower, but overall time has gone by so very quickly.  Pondering the idea of time has been a regular thing now that Henry is here, and daily I find myself saying things like "time flies," or "where has the time gone?"  The older we get, the more aware of time we become.  Perhaps because there is an imaginary hourglass in our heads, sand falling with every second, or perhaps it's because our days aren't as slow paced as they once were.  Whatever it is, I know now that 28 years has gone by, it's interesting to look back on all of it and then again at where I am now.  Would my 5 year old self be pleased with how I turned out?  Would she look at me and say "hey, you've done a good job"?  Even though I'm not the astronaut, the pioneer, or the President, did I fulfill my dreams in my own way?  Would she be proud?

I think about this a lot, and at this point in my life I have come to a place where I can say yeah, I love where I am, I love who I have become.  28 years later and I think I can finally say this without any exceptions.  Although my life isn't exactly what I envisioned when I dreamed and dreamed as a little girl, I'd say that my "when I grow up" hopes have manifested into something even better. 

So how about you?  What did you want to be "when you grow up"?  Are you there yet?  Are you on your way?  I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, or if you're inspired feel free to post on this topic and link back here!

As always, thank you for reading. :)

74 comments:

  1. I know exactly what you mean, and I've questioned myself in the same way. As a kid I always wanted to be a veterinarian...really thought it would happen but life just didn't go that way. Love your blog, keep up the great work! <3

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  2. I love this post, and I too think about 'what I want to eb when I grow up' frequently. I'm only 19, but feel like i'm 30. I have a high paying full time job working for the government, make thousands more than any of my friends, have my own house, am going to college and the stuff that a lot of people want and I am NOT happy with my job situation. I've been reflecting a lot on what I truly want to do, and I don't even want to go to college or make tons of money! I just want to open my own business and have lots of babies with my love. Since realizing this, I'm working super hard and saving money so I cna finally quit my job and truly to what I want!

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  3. I think about this often also. I'm 21, I just adopted a 2 year old, my Husband and I just got our 2nd car, He's active duty Navy, I'm a baker (I wanted to be a teacher when I was little), and we rent an apartment. :) Now, I'm very happy with everything we have going on, but would I have thought this was going to be my life? Not really! I was never going to move from California (Thanks Navy!), I was going to have an amazing career, and I definitely didn't see us adopting. I wasn't ever going to live in the snow (I live in upstate NY).

    It's so amazing to think about the places that life takes you. :) What you thought would be terrible or not in your future, turns out to be everything you ever wanted. :)

    <3 Bridgette

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  4. hej there,
    what a thoughtful post! <3
    for me, it´s just the other way: when i was young, i wanted to become a young mom (my parents were 30 when they had me). and now that i am 28 and see my friends becoming parents, i just can´t imagine that for me in the next few years. yeah, i feel the same like you; i feel like 15 sometimes, and while i´m keeping that child inside of me alive, i feel more and more that it´s okay to have the first child in my thirties. okay, we´ll see what the future brings, but the main point is: i´m not osessed with my plans anymore, everything is fine as long it feels right in the present. so, here we are, both the same age, in sooo different states of our lifes - but both happy with it :)
    much love to you, beautiful mama!°
    anna

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  5. Im still so young, not even reaching my twenties. When i was 5 i wanted to be a Dolphin Trainer, a vet, and a marine. Now i'm majoring in Information Technolgy and i want to be a web designer. I still cant beleive i was a senior in highschool, i graduated(still blows my mind.), i have a wonderful job and im a freshman in college. Its crazy how life fly's by. I work at a preschool with 4 year olds and watching and listening to them everyday about what they want to be when they grow up is heart warming.
    Life and creation is amazing.

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  6. it's amazing how much your idea of the future changes even within 10 years. i remember when i was 15/16/17 all i wanted to do was be in business or international relations (more practical than when i was 6 and wanted to be a princess or a pony). i thought about it all the time!

    now, i'm almost 24 and am in speech-language pathology-- i didn't even know what that WAS when i was 17. i would have thought future-jamie was CRAZY.

    it's strange to think about!

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  7. What a beautiful post, Danielle, it is quite thought provoking.

    I still feel like I am a teenager and I am a few years younger than you (26) so it is very easy to relate. When I was younger I wanted to be a psychologist and I never really thought about marriage. I am married now though, and I really do love my life, everything about it too. Needless to say, I am not a psychologist. Though I will soon be going to school to become a kindergarten teacher, but a part of me wants to be a guidance counselor. We'll see what happens of that!

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  8. When I was little I used to think "what do adults do?" As in they don't get to play with toys, they must be really bored! Ha! We play alright, just in a different way! But I always wondered what it would be like to be older. I wanted to be a doctor until I discovered I'm quite sqeamish. I never thought I would move from Arizona to Virginia. But life happens & takes you in different directions! And I can't believe that I too will be 29 soon. I'm starting to realize that life goes by fast & you don't get it back.

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  9. Oh and you were so adorable when you were younger (still are)!! Too cute.

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  10. So funny... about a month ago, I was standing in my kitchen, making dinner for my family... and it hit me: When the hell did I grow up and become responsible for 3 other human lives??? Or have a really grown up at all? I still feel about 17 most of the time. Will I ever 'feel' truly grown up? Ahh, ones of life's mysteries.

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  11. when i was little i went to sea world w/ my dad and got to the kid who fed the beluga whale and pet him during the beluga whale/dolphin show. ever since then i have wanted to be a marine biologist. then i grew up, that dream took a backseat and i went to college. being stuck in dfw i kind of forgot about this dream and picked studio art as my major. it wasn't until i graduated and had been working in the 'real world' a few years that i remembered my dream. i sometimes wonder what life would have been like had i pursed marine biology. it's such a different path than the one i am on now. i'm only 25 (26 in april.) so i know it's not too late to go back to school. i just don't know if i REALLY want to. i might have chosen differently though if it was 5 yrs ago.

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  12. You always come up with the greatest posts. I still am asking myself what I wanna be when I grow up. I just really wanna be a kid. When I was a child I wanted to be a teacher. Then I realized that I really didn't like school. For a few years I was lost then I got a job at Cosmos at 17 as a receptionist, got talked into beauty school and ta da, I've been a stylist for 13 years. It's pretty crazy how life works. It really confirms my beliefs that everything happens for a reason. I was meant to get a job at a salon (even if I wasn't the girlie girl, makeup wearing type) and get pushed into something I had no interest in. It is the PERFECT job for me!!

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  13. you are SOOOO right...I remember wanting to be so many things and then I too became a teacher,and now I am a stay a home mom. I love it...and yet I still feel like I may be transitioning even if my 20's are slipping away...it does go by so very very quickly...

    http://bluebirdandtree.blogspot.com/

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  14. I absolutely loved this post! I think about this all the time as well. It's so strange how quickly things change as you get older. When I was a child, I always assumed that when you 'grew up' you would just know how to do everything that grown ups need to do. Adult me wishes that were true! :)

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  15. Oh my goodness, I'm gonna cry! Too many thoughts sprung up from this post! I'll have to think on it. So good!

    ReplyDelete
  16. I wanted to be an astronaut too! Even more though, I wanted to be a cartoonist. I still want to be a cartoonist and I still draw fairly regularly. My mom thinks that I should send my comics in to the newspaper. We'll see :)

    I love this post. Keep it up with the philosophical :D

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  17. I agree that life never goes as planned. I'm 26 and about to start university as a mature age student. By the time I finish studying I will be 30. I've lived in four different countries since I was 19.
    I've tried work in hospitality to theatre but it's taken many years to find my path and still searching. It was not just about me in those years of choosing it was also about the people around me. The places I've travelled and the people I've met along the way and their stories, being there for a friend in need has been the most amazing moments of my life. I'm happy with where I'm at even if society says I should be living my life a certain way.
    Awesome post, thank you and congratulations on your handsome baby boy :)

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  18. Hi, I'm 16 and I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. As I'm about to start my last year of highschool, I feel like I should have some direction by now. I don't really want to 'grow up', because that means I have to make choices, and they might be the wrong ones.

    I think my point is, thank you for reminding me that I don't have to know what I want my future to me for it to turn out the way I want it; so that I'm happy and fulfilled.

    That's probably why I read your blog :)

    Love, Steph
    http://stephslittleblog.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm 22 and see it both ways. On one hand I can't wait to have babies, marry my bf, and hopefully one day be a SAHM; on the other hand I miss my undergrad days and don't want to wish these freedom-filled years away.
    I've read your blog a long time and watched you grow -- it's really cool to see :)

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  20. Your twenties really does seem to fly by! Sometimes I don't realize it because I'm so busy trying to get things figured out. I see thirty as an ideal mile marker though, by then people usually have settled down, maybe have a family, finished school and are somewhat financially secure. I'm definitely going to enjoy my twenties, but I see thirty as definitely something to look forward to :D

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  21. I'm the same age as you and I do really feel that it's just hitting me now. I'm almost thirty! That's totally a grown-up age.

    When I think about it, it's a really great motivation to do more things. Do what makes me happy. Live!

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  22. i always wanted to be a drag racer my whole childhood.

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  23. I love this, it's so true! Since becoming a mom it's like you have to mentally wake up and tell yourself "cherish the little things" "live in the moment" and when you're a kid you can't imagine doing anything but the moment. I'm only 19 so I guess age wise I'm still a teen but I'm a mom of a 2 year old so mentally I feel so much older and feel more obligated to think about the future. With that said, would my 5 year old self think that my 10 year plan was to be pregnant the following year? NO WAY! but life changes, and the Beatles couldn't have said it better "Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. It's easy. All you need is love. "

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  24. When I was six years old I wanted to be an Olympic swimmer. That then changed to office manager (like my mom!), then to artist, then to artist/national geographic wildlife photographer. Then at 12 I decided I was going to be a zoologist. I went to college to do that then I flunked some classes. Now I have a degree in and work as an archaeologist. I get paid to work in dirt, hike, and essentially write and understand history. As I am only 23, I still have a backup plan to be a history teacher once this job wrecks my body.

    I feel like I am still starting out in life and still figuring out if this is what I want to do for the rest of it. My goals have always been changing so the thought of doing one thing for the rest of my life is scary. I can't even settle on where I would want to live for the rest of my life. In fact the only thing I am sure of is the guy I am with and lets face it that is never a certainty in life

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  25. I enjoyed this...because I have been thinking about this stuff a lot.

    I never thought I would be a teacher either...I wanted to be an interpreter for the FBI or something like that. I took nine foreign language classes from my freshman year to my freshman year of college and then I realized- this is not for me.

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  26. I love this post. It's oh so true how what you imagine your life to be completely changes (mostly for the better, at least for me) and you just become happy with what life gives you and what you earn as you grow up. When I was little, I wanted to be an ice skater, and I wanted to work the drive thru at McDonalds JUST because they got to wear those cool headband-microphone things.

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  27. I'm 26 and I feel the same way. Every year, I think "what happened, it went by so quickly" I remember when playing for 10 more minutes felt like such a joy, such a long time, such a treat! Now all I do is blink and I've been reading blogs for almost an hour! My childhood self would have never been able to imagine what my life is like. What journeys I would embark upon. Married my high school sweet heart, Air Force wife living in Germany, a stay at home mom to a precious 2 year old girl! I think I'm happier than my 8 year old self could ever imagine! :)

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  28. I actually did a blog post on this a while back, here's a link:
    http://beyondelysium.tumblr.com/post/1327410447/dreams-ambitions

    I hope one day at least one of those will come true.

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  29. It really does go by so fast!
    most of the time I still feel like this silly teenager, but then Im almost 30 this year, I kinda wish I was that carefree teenager again sometimes though.

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  30. I turned 22 just over a week ago and, while birthdays don't usually phase me, turning 22 felt strange. I finish university in a few months and I have no idea what I'm doing from there. I'm excited to see where life takes me though! I wanted to be a pet store owner when I was a kid, hehe. I can safely say that's not on the agenda anymore but I still don't have any better ideas.

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  31. Your wedding plans sound so sweet and elegant. I look forward to seeing the pictures. Did you find your dress yet?

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  32. These are the kinds of posts that I love most about your blog! I love hearing your sincere and honest thoughts about life...I feel almost like I am reading a journal entry. I also love that after reading the post, I couldn't help but think about my own life, and agree that I don't know where the days, years, have gone. It's weird that I can think back on particular memories and think "wow, seems like yesterday" but also think "wow that was so long ago." Great post!

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  33. Lovely post Danielle.

    When I was a kid I wanted to be a baker and a gardener. I am not either of those, but I bake regularly and have some plants next to my window, and that is enough for little me to feel satisfied. I like to think that little Andrea would like the fact that I have stayed true to her, that I enjoy the same things (with slight variations). I might write about this too, it's interesting to think about. Will link back of course!

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  34. When I was a kid and I thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up, it ranged from private detective to fashion designer, from geologist to bartender (I really liked the little umbrellas...). Sometimes I pictured having a family, sometimes living alone. Sometimes I thought of living in the city, sometimes I thought about being a hermit in the mountains.

    I think that speaks to what I really am most of all - a dreamer, a reader and a writer. I may not be able to live every fig off the tree, but I have the best imagination.

    Now at 37, I can reflect and see all the different paths my life might have taken. The one I took has brought me many wonderful things. Other paths might have been just as good or not.

    Either way, I'll do my best to live the life I have with as much gratitude and happiness as I can.

    And I only feel grown up when I am paying bills or working or dealing with grown up life stuff. The rest of the time I still absolutely feel like a teenager.

    - Best, Alison
    (http://twitter.com/RubyAlison8)

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  35. I love reading your posts, and your baby picture is too cute, but to answer you question, right now I don't love where I am because I feel like I haven't lived life the way I would like, but I am hoping I get there soon enough.

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  36. This was such a great post and so inspiring, I had to do my own "when I grow up post! Please check it out if you so fancy at:

    http://lilaclace.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-i-grow-up.html

    And thanks again for the inspiration. Your blog makes me so happy!

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  37. When I grew up I wanted to be a singer on Broadway, a second grade teacher, a recipe card artist and a solid gold dancer. When I finished college I wanted to be someone who made money. My dreams shifted dramatically towards...how much will this pay me? My experience since has taught me that I knew nothing and money IS NOT the key to happiness. So two years ago while working full time I went back to school full time and THIS summer I will graduate with a degree in Visual Arts. Seems like recipe card designer isn't far off!! Even though I am in my 30s I still feel like I have growing up left to do. I love this post and thank you for asking. :)

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  38. Danielle! I love this post!

    When I was younger, I always wanted to be an attorney, when I finally got to college I was like ehhh is this what I really want to do! I even wanted to be a teacher or astronut also, hehe.
    But I had an unexpected life change, my dad passed & it changed everything. I started working as a teller at a credit union full time & now I am just about a loan officer. (yay) I just turned 24 yrs old & still trying working toward my degree but it's hard having so little time.
    I still am unsure what I want to do with all my life but I know for sure I want my degree!
    I just want to look back & be proud of myself & in the future be proud of their mom :)

    xo

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  39. You inspired me to blog on this! :) I think about these things so much, so I had to.

    http://take-hart.com/wordpress/2011/01/all-grown-up/

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  40. You have articulated something that has been weighing quite heavily on my mind as well lately...and inspired me to put my thoughts into words as well. Instead of typing up a tedious summary, I'll direct you to my post, if you happen to be interested:

    http://shertownstudios.blogspot.com/2011/01/when-i-grow-up.html

    Sort of my own version of your post.

    I love your blog, I'm always so excited when it pops up in my reader. Thank you for provoking thoughts and being such an inspiration!

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  41. I've been reading your blog for a while now, although this is the first time I've left a comment.
    When I saw this post I freaked out, because I've thought the exact same thing so many times!
    "If I ran into myself at 7 years old, would 7 year old me be excited to grow up to be 22 year old me?"
    I believe the answer is yes. I haven't figured out my "calling" in life yet, but I work two good jobs, have my own apartment, a boyfriend, two cats, and five tattoos. I have lots of friends, a car, and plenty of things to do on any given evening. So I think 7 year old me would be pretty happy with 22 year old me.

    I love that you wrote this post, though, because I've asked other people that same question, and they look at me like I'm insane. It's good to know someone else thinks about things like this.

    Now the real question...Will we be happy with ourselves at 40 years old?

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  42. This is a great topic! It is very surreal to me that I am an adult. A real adult with a house and a kid and a grown-up life. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away?
    I wanted to be so many things when I was a kid - a farmer was a big one. I also really wanted to be a mommy. But the funniest thing I aspired to was being a Wookie. Yes, my dream was to be Chewbacca. : ).

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  43. Knowing that I'll be graduating in one year's time has really brought growing up into the present. I just kind of figured out what I want to graduate with, but I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up. It's less of something I want to do, and changed into more of what kind of person I want to be.

    ReplyDelete
  44. I'm 28 and I'm refusing to admit I'm a grown-up, lol. When I was in High School my senior English teacher had us right what we wanted to "be" in 10 years. I grew up in this teeny-tiny cold, rainy town on the north coast. So, I wrote to myself in this letter that I would be a Web Designer designing web sites on a warm, sunny tropical beach. Well, this year, 10 years later she sent me that letter and low and behold I am a Web Designer. But, I'm also a Graphic Designer, a Wife, a Mom to 2 Puppies, a friend and probably a lot more. I'm not on that beach but I own my own home and run my own business and I really at the core I have everything I could ever want, well except maybe the sunshine :)

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  45. I just turned 28 in August too. It was truly the first birthday that made me say to myself,"GIRL. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER." 30 officially is in the near future. I have been so afraid of putting myself out there, open to criticism, that I have spend the last 10 years going from retail job to restaurant job and back again, taking classes part-time but not towards a specific end. I am finally ready to take the leap and in March I start taking classes toward a certificate in Interior Design. I've always been too afraid to follow this dream because I've been so worried that people wouldn't like what I did, but I am finally ready to deal with it and learn and do something that I love. I don't want to regret anything- life is just way too short and I want it all! And the only way to accomplish it is to work for it and I'm so ready!!

    But enough about me- I think it's really fantastic that you have done so much at 28! And it's wonderful that you are able to stay home with your son- I'm sure 5-year-old you would be incredibly impressed and proud of the lady that you are : )

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