Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Mama Said, V.6


This week our Mama Said advice comes from two of my most favorite ladies on the internet, both of which are no stranger to being featured on this blog. The first, Jess, is pretty much one of my favorite people in the entire world, internet or not. Her blog is an honest place, full of funny stories, moments from her daily life, and adorable photos of her family. Jess is the wife of a touring musician, so she often plays the role of both parents while her husband is out with his successful band. She's a great friend with a heart of gold, and she also happens to be one of the funniest women I've ever encountered. The second featured lady today is Megan, another long time friend and a mama who holds a really special place in my heart. Megan is a military wife, and she is the mother to a darling little girl. Megan's blog is another one of my favorites, and I've so enjoyed reading along with her as she shares everything from delicious recipes to advice on whole living and healthy choices. She's a young Mom with an old soul, and I am constantly inspired by her creativity and drive to better her little corner of the world.

I'm excited to have both of these gals on Sometimes Sweet today, so without any more of my rambling (except to say that I love how they both ended on the same note! hah!), here's Jess!


Hey ya'll, it's me Jess, from The Doe Or The Deer. If I am new to you, here's a little bit of my mommyhood history. I am a mother two polar opposite personality children, who are only 18 months apart in age. You could say the hubs and I got right on that baby making train quickly.

 Zoe, 2 years old, is feisty, outgoing and smack dab in the middle of an emotional roller coaster of tears, laughter and full blown, face on the ground tantrums, also known as the "terrible twos". Ezra, 11 months old, is a dorky, goofball of a baby blob, who snorts with laughter and has mastered the art of flipping out of his crib.  Both kids are equally awesome.

I'm amazed that Danielle even thinks to ask me to guest post here on Sometimes Sweet still, considering I am the worst procrastinating guest blogger in the whole wide world of blogging! She still loves me... Phew!

So, here is what THIS mama says about parenting. Tread carefully....

Take my advice; don't give any.
I don't care if you have 1 baby or your last name is Dugger. Don't do it! Unless the mother-to-be is on her hands and knees begging for it, with a signed waver saying that she asked for it and you hold no personal responsibility for her stabbing you in the face, then go ahead, open your big ol' opinionated mouth.

Advice tends to lead into guilt. Like us mothers don't carry enough guilt of own!?! We get these bitches, er, I mean "friends", in our life telling us we birthed wrong, because we had a baby in a hospital delivered by "evil" doctors, or that we didn't try hard enough, because we didn't breast feed for 3 years, or that we have to get our son circumcised, because it will look weird, or we're fucking up the Earth, because we chose to use disposable diapers, or that we are Satan, because we let our kid eat a chicken nugget or even worse, SENT OUR KIDS TO PUBLIC SCHOOL. The horror!  (And yes, I've been told ALL these things. Bitter still? YES.) All of which, we NEVER asked for to begin with! Just shut your mouth and nod your head. Then go straight home and blog passive aggressively about your opinions on other peoples parenting styles, like I do...

Don't watch Dr. Phil.
Or Maury or 16 & Pregnant.... Unless you want to reconsider having children (especially daughters) all together.

Wine is a gateway drug to more babies.
It's true. Drink responsibly and preferably with an IUD in place.


Hi, I'm Megan, from meganislove.tumblr.com! Some of you may know me from the other features Danielle has included me on.

I'm so thankful to be here again, talking about my MOST favorite thing...motherhood!

To sum us up; I'd say....we're a Military, attachment parenting, raw eating, outdoor lovin' family! My two year old, Scarlett, is still currently breastfeeding, co-sleeping, the whole sha-bang! She also loves all things princess and raising havoc! ;)
 
When Danielle asked me to do this, I kept thinking over and over, of all the pieces of advice I've gotten. I'm a people-pleaser at heart, I love making everyone (but myself --by mistake!) happy. I often took every piece of advice someone gave me, and thought it was the right thing to do. Many o' nights, I'd lie awake..thinking of how unsatisfied I felt as a mother; "guilty", "wrong," "confused," were what ran across my mind. So now being able to share my OWN advice with you, well - I was MORE than a little nervous.

After the countless books, and words from friends, I still never felt like I knew what I "should" be doing. I went to find ANOTHER book to help me solve my problems, AGAIN (out of desperation) and came across "I Was a Really Good Mom before I Had Kids," thought it'd be a funny read, and it ended up being my lifesaver.

It didn't "teach" me how to parent, but helped me understand that I wasn't "alone" in this craziness called "motherhood." So, I give you -- the best things I learned in this book :D
 
"You can have it all! Just not at once" The amount of expectations I had for myself, my family and Scarlett - were endless. I thought there was a certain "way" I had to be.. "She should be sleeping in her bed by this time, she should be eating these foods, playing with these toys...talking by this time..walking by..." the list goes on. I'm sure you've all felt the same way at one point or another! "Realize that expectations can influence your choices." Friends, family- even though they mean well, sometimes steer you in a different direction you may want to go in, parenting wise. Just stick to your core principles and values, and after making your choice- make it a rule not to second guess yourself.

"Oh my god, I don't want to color right now" (Living in the moment!) I know there's many times where I'm stressing about what's for dinner, if the laundry's done, house is clean, if Scarlett is getting enough one-on-one time, versus independent play. I have a hard time, living in the "moment" in general! I'm a planner, I love thinking of what is ...next! Enjoying Scarlett, just being, is something that I try to work on, daily. Just remember, don't fight the stage you're in. If it's a challenging phase, know that it will pass quickly. If you're in a blissful phase, cherish it, because it will also pass quickly.  

"Am I a bad mom if I don't buy organic spaghettios?" (lose the judgement) I know we all judge, (don't lie! - you do it too!) ;) we ALL do! We all think there's this idea of a what a "good" mother is. I'm not going to lie- I had a really hard time with this, especially since we do things A LOT differently than most parents. At playgroups, I would try not to stare when I saw a mother giving their child something I'd NEVER in a million years give Scarlett. BUT! you know what! I learned that what works for me, definitely wouldn't work for another mother and vice versa. Co-sleeping works for us, but I know a family whose son HATES sleeping with his parents and would much rather be in his own room, lights out, door shut. Again- something I'm totally not used to, but that doesn't make her a bad mother. We're all different, our kids are all different, and there is no right or wrong when it comes to parenting. Surround yourself with a positive support system whether it be real life friends or blogging ones :D and stick with 'em!


 And when all else fails, there's always wine!

16 comments:

  1. Such great statements made in this post - I especially agree with Jess on the advice thing. Every parent's experience is so vastly different and not everything that worked for one will work for another. Do what works for YOU.

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  2. Jessica, I love reading your posts.. and yours too Danielle!

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  3. Thank you so much for letting me a part of this, Danielle!

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  4. Jess, how refreshing.

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  5. Your intro made me tear up!! Love you!

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  6. I'm 26 weeks pregnant now, and the advice is just POURING in. It's all getting to be a little bit much, I'm glad it's not just me :P

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  7. "When all else fails, there's always wine." So applicable to so many things... ; )

    XO
    Carly

    All This is Grace and Charm
    http://allthisgraceandcharm.blogspot.com

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  8. I love how both segments on motherly advice end with wine. :)

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  9. Hehe, I know what Jess is talking about with wine being the gateway drug to more children. I preemptively got my IUD for that reason!

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  10. This is probably my favorite one yet! I couldn't have said any of this better.

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  11. Hi Danielle,

    I've been reading your blog for a while now but haven't ever commented (I'm one of *those* shy folk!). Anyhow, I just wanted to tell you that I love reading your posts and I especially love your weekly "Mama Said" feature. Great idea, and it is wonderful reading what more seasoned Moms have to say (my little guy was born October 25th).

    Anyhow, keep up the good work.. I love your blog! :)

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  12. LOL I had two glasses of wine and one minute ago updated my twitter about wanting more babies then I go to my reader and see this:

    Wine is a gateway drug to more babies.
    It's true. Drink responsibly and preferably with an IUD in place.

    well said. next time I drink wine it will be after my iud is inserted.

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  13. I love Jess! She is so adorable and inspiring and her advice? AWESOME.

    ~Andrea

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  14. I hardly ever comment on blogs I read but I thought this post was perfect. Almost the total opposite in their approaches to motherhood but both ace. Jess is too funny and Megan is a total sweetheart. I used to feel alot more connected with baby/new mother blogs. I recently lost my baby but I cant wait until one day when I am lucky enought to experience this. p.s loving the Taylor Swift post too, as a life long smashing pumpkins fan I was surprised her songs touched me too! xo

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  15. Oh my goodness, jess is hilarious!

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  16. great advices!! thanks these two moms are great connoisseurs !

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