Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Dear Henry,

Henry- newborn photos

Dear Henry,

You don't know this yet, but your mama is a thinker. I can be analytical to a fault, and equally as emotional. And because of this, I notice so much; the ticking clock, life going by, seasons and changes. And when I became your mother I think the days and hours and minutes whirling by only seemed to quicken. I felt like we were in our own little cocoon, the two of us, and the world kept speeding along, tugging at us to hurry up. And now you, my almost ten-month-old baby, are becoming more independent by the moment. Less wanting to nurse, more wanting to go-go-go, growing up before my eyes. Today I sat on the couch attempting to wrangle wild, squirming you, trying to get you to focus on eating rather than playing. But you were off in a flash- exploring, looking, touching, finding a new toy here and there. And I thought back to when you were so small, how we'd sit on this same couch, you in my arms for the longest time, sleeping, eating, and sleeping again. My hyper-awareness that those seconds were ticking by was so pronounced back then that I tried to make sure to take it all in, as much as I could. I desperately tried to hold on. I focused on every bit of it. I memorized what it felt like to hold you at a week old, I took a mental picture of the way it looked when you fell asleep with your head right in that space between my neck and chest. I imprinted your newborn smell and every tiny sound in my memory. So now when there are these instants when I can see you growing up in the very moment we're in, I am so grateful that I always reminded myself to go slow.

You change by the moment, and I teeter on this line of feeling so blue that you are growing up too fast, to feeling so happy that you are indeed growing up so fast. I can't wait to see who you become, and the little hints of the boy you're growing into has both your Dad and me so excited. But at the same time I miss the little newborn you were. The now will always win though, because with every day comes another milestone, a fresh discovery and the opportunity to make new memories. You're funny, sweet, so loving, incredibly independent and your adventurous spirit is already so apparent. I feel lucky to be your Mom.

As we approach your first birthday I know that time will always feel this fast, if not faster. I think I will always try and hold on to it somehow, but also I think that part of this journey I'm on is learning to let go, too.

Happy almost 10-months, Henry! We love you.

Love always,
Mama

24 comments:

  1. this was so beautiful. having a son only a week older than henry, i can relate to all of this. and then i look at my four year old, and think he was 10 months old only yesterday. time is passing by much too fast.

    i look forward to the future, because i can't wait to see who my boys will become. but my heart aches when i think about how i will never get these moments back.

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  2. Danielle, this post is just as beautiful as all of the others! You always manage to make me tear up. Your wonderful way with words draws the picture so perfectly. I can't wait to experience being a mother. You make it sound so great. <3

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  3. you are such a wonderful mama. <3

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  4. Danielle, this was beautiful. I was already having a rough night with my Daughter missing her Daddy (he's deployed right now), but this made me cry & smile because we are so blessed with such a great child who's understanding & so loving & outgoing.

    It's such an amazing thing, having a child and watching them grow & learn & understand. Even for us (Kyleigh is adopted, but truly ours at heart) she has grown immensely in the past almost 10 months and its always an amazing journey with children.


    -Bridgette

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  5. What a sweet little post. Henry is a lucky little boy to have a mama like you. I'm a thinker too. I think it makes life more interesting. XO, Rae

    http://aneclecticheap.blogspot.com/

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  6. oh sweet friend. I feel this everyday with my boys, every single day. Just relish in the thought that every age has it's beauty and you will find light in your children in a new way each and every year. I can guarantee you it just gets better. I love you my friend.
    xoxo

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  7. Can very much relate! Love how you are able to put to words so eloquently what so many of us mom's feel!

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  9. Time flies and I only have a 6 month old! I never understood that phrase until having a baby...
    Smoking Crayolas Blogspot

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  10. Such a sweet post, I can relate as time goes sooooo quickly!

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  11. He is blessed to have you two as a parents Danielle.
    this is so wonderful it almost made me cry

    xoxoxo
    Melanie

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  12. This is beautiful. You really have inspired me once I have children of my own to do this, they will be such lovely keepsakes when he is older :)

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  13. I have two little boys. One seven, one five. My husband and I sacrificed SO much (cell phone, cable, regular shopping trips, etc). so that I could stay home with our boys and do these things--slow down, enjoy the moments of fleeting newborn/infant/toddler-ness, breathe in all of what they are during those times.

    Last week I sent my "baby" to Kindergarten, and while it's hard to believe it did go as fast as it did, I look back and wouldn't trade a moment of the last 5 years for a cell phone or cable or fancy new clothes because I have all of those precious memories (and they do too) of me being there with them.

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  14. Well that just made me tear right up! Very lovely, Danielle. I think these kinds of letters are not only so sweet, but one day Henry will be able to look back on them & see just how much he was loved from the very first moment he existed. :)

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  15. Danielle..this is so beautiful! And also sad! Time indeed goes by too quickly..little Henry is lucky to have a mama that is so loving and caring!

    Katie :)

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  16. What a beautiful post. I can so relate with my own child who is now almost 7. Thanks for the reminder to take that time to just be in the moment with her and relish this time I have with her.

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  17. Ahh this is so beautiful Danielle. I love your heart and you express it so beautifully.

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  18. My son will be a year old in two weeks.... I can totally relate.

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  19. Danielle, this was beautiful. You are such a wonderful writer. You always succeed in making me tear up at work. Henry is a lucky little boy.

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  20. everything you do is just so mystical and beautiful. loved this.

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