Tuesday, June 26, 2012

On Being the Mama of a Boy

downtown June 26th

It's an interesting thing, to think you know what you want, to assume you know exactly what you need, and to then be surprised with something totally different.

Before Henry was even a sparkle in my eye I always thought I wanted a little girl. I'm a girl's girl for sure, and the idea of having a son never crossed my mind, even as a child playing house. But life does as it pleases, and here I am, the proud mama of a little boy, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

While pregnant I just knew I was having a girl. I felt it. And most of my friends thought the same. I was so sure about this that I even had a box full of girl's clothing I started collecting once I became pregnant. Inside the box were vintage dresses, little mary jane shoes, and the prettiest bloomers and hats and sweaters.

So I'm sure you can guess that on our big gender ultrasound day I went into the appointment feeling fairly certain there was indeed a girl in there. I remember arriving at the doctor's office, holding Hank's hand, my 20-week stomach full of butterflies. I remember walking back into the room, so nervous, so hopeful that everything would be okay as they went through the anatomy check. And I remember when the ultrasound technician asked, "Okay guys, do you want to know?" Time stood still for that little moment as we replied, "yes, definitely," all the while both Hank and I silently freaking out.  The technician clicked her mouse a few times, adjusted the probe, and exclaimed "You're having a...BOY!"

I laid there for a second in shock (did she just say boy?!), then started happy-crying as the waves of emotion I'd been holding back hit me all I once. I was happy. Scared. And so, so excited. Our family came into the room and everyone was cheering and shouting and high-fiving each other. I was lost in a sea of eight people's excitement, still stunned and still silently freaking out.

For days I thought about how strange it was to have a boy on the way. How would this even work? A boy? I hadn't planned on this, I had no idea what I'd even do with a boy. But yet there he was, and he was on his way, ready or not.

It's funny to me to look back at the panic I felt thinking about Henry being Henry. It lasted for a few days, and then all of sudden, it became my reality. Of course I was having a boy, of course. I couldn't have imagined anything different.

And now when I hear that sweet "Mamamamamaaaaa!" from across the house, and see my big-little boy come running towards me, full speed ahead, enveloping me into one of his famous bear hugs, I know that this is what my life was meant to be. Trucks and footballs and lots of noise, Star Wars and cut off shorts and Vans sneakers. All boy, all the time.

So for now my box of girls clothing is tucked away, up high on a closet shelf. I'm not sure if I'll ever get a chance to take it down- and really, I'd be totally content if that time never came, much to the surprise of my formerly pregnant self, who couldn't have ever imagined all of these positively "boy" moments that make up my day. In the middle of my tea partying, dressing up dreams, I never thought I'd be playing motorcycles on the ground with a little boy named Henry. And maybe one day he'll want to tea party and dress up too, but for now, motorcycling on the ground is the only place I want to be.

29 comments:

  1. i just love this.

    i felt the same way as you did when i was pregnant, except i *knew* our junior was a boy. i called him a he, i prayed for "him," i bought boy clothing...i swear i was more nervous the night before our gender ultrasound than i was the night before i delivered him. i remember feeling so panicked because i thought that for sure i would be disappointed if there was a girl in there, and would that make me a bad momma?! anyways, my boy was a boy and i know now that i would have loved a little girl just as fiercely as i love my little boy. but gender is such a funny thing to a new momma!!

    anyways, i agree with you. having a little boy is the very best.

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  2. The paragraphs about your ultrasound appointment are two of the most beautiful paragraphs I've read in so long!

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  3. PERFECT. You. Your words that express your heart so beautifully.
    I adore this.

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  4. I can totally relate since I'm mom to two boys. Boys are really special and definitely bring their own kind of fun. I wouldn't want it any other way!

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  5. Thank you so much for this post! Six months ago, my husband and I had a beautiful baby boy even though we thought we wanted a girl. Our little dude is exactly what we need and I would never want anything other than him. Little boys are such treasures and we were not let down in the slightest!

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  6. He is such a cutie pie! I love the photo :)

    ♥ Naomi {Starry Eyes + Coffee Cups}

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  7. i have two boys myself, so i really enjoyed this post. my entire life i never wanted to be a mother. and when my husband and i accidentally got pregnant with our oldest, we both hoped it would be a boy. (i'm not very girly and had two brothers myself. so i just couldn't imagine having a baby girl.) i'm sure if the technician had told me he was a she, i would have had that same shocked moment like you did. when i got pregnant with our second, i really hoped that it would be another little boy. i love seeing my two boys rough house together.

    when my oldest was around two and a half he started having tea parties with me and his toy animals. i initiated it, but he is almost five and still randomly wants to pull out the play food and have another tea party!

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  8. My little is a boy also. I felt exactly the same when going to our 20 week ultrasound, I thought for sure he was a she!
    I'm so glad that I have a boy and now I'm thinking I wouldn't have any idea what to do with a girl.
    I love this post I can relate so much!

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  9. So sweet!


    Christen :>
    www.anunordinaryhello.com

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  10. I love this post, we are patiently awaiting the arrival of our 2nd baby and we chose not to find out the gender again, it is sooo hard waiting this time! We have a gorgeous girl already and I am swinging as to Boy or Girl, I would be over the moon with either obviously but something inside says this is a little guy.... time will tell, in the meantime I am quietly collecting all things boyish and Blue just in case! Thanks again for this adorable post!

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  11. I LOVE this! With my eldest, I wanted a boy but just *knew* she was a girl, and I fell in love with the idea as soon as the technician confirmed it. Second time around, I wanted another girl, KNEW I was having a girl, and cried when they told me he was a boy. Not happy tears, even - more like 'Ohmygod..what am I going to do with a boy?' freaking out tears.

    My daughter asked for a little brother...she got one! I wouldn't have it any other way. To make things better, I have a curly, long haired little boy who wears pink tie-dye and loves motorcycles and making things crash. He rocks my socks.

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  12. what a sweet post! thanks for sharing your emotional journey with us:) so special!

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  13. Okay Dani, you made me cry again!!!
    I remember the posts before you had your sonogram and also thinking you were going to have a girl and then being pleasantly surprised when you did your gender post, I knew immediately that you were meant to have a boy (at least for your first baby) :-)
    I also thought I was going to have a girl, but when the tech showed us we were going to have a boy I cried. Tears of joy of course, because we hadn't yet picked out a girls name but I always knew I wanted to have a Judah as a son, now every single day I live to see his sweet smiling face and my heart leaps when I hear him yell "mama" :-)

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  14. This is so sweet. I love having my little girl but I hope one day I'm also blessed with a baby boy. Henry looks super cute!

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  15. We have two boys, and I also used to think that I really wanted a girl. I do think that boys take a lot more energy when they are young. But there is something easy and uncomplicated about boys that suits me just fine. And if I ever see something so adorable and girly that i just have to buy it; well, one of my lucky mom-to-a-girl friends will be getting a gift ;)

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  16. every time i read one of your posts I swear i feel i am reading about myself. even your birth story is similar to mine: 14 hour labour and eventually a c-section as georgie was in the posterior position. now reading this post I am hit again with similarities. i had to ask the doctor to repeat because I was POSITIVE that it was a girl. He said:it's a boy. and again I asked for confirmation. As a joke, he 'took a picture' of what was between georgie's legs so i could get used to it! Today, like you, i wouldn't have it any other way. x

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  17. I loved reading this.

    Like you, I'm convinced of what I'm having. Although, I'm convinced I'm having a boy. I haven't gone so far as to buy boy clothing yet, but I have definitely mentally planned out life with a little boy. So, I'm going to be totally shocked if, when we go for our anatomy scan in a couple of weeks, there's a little girl in there!

    Honestly, I see the pros and cons of each gender, and would, like many women, like one of each. But, if that's not in the cards for the Mister and me, I am confident from hearing other Moms (like you!) speak about motherhood that I will be content.

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  18. I love this story, for me it's was the other way around. My first ia a boy and when I was pregnant w/ the second I was sure it would be a boy as well. I couldn't picture myself as a mother of a girl. I always thought would have only boys running around. But now that's she's here I love it! I love buying dresses and punk tule skirts and stuff for her hair. I love it all, the boy-stuff and the girl-stuff. I'm a lucky girl

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  19. Aw, so sweet! I am so curious about that day for us!

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  20. this is exactly how my story is! i thought for sure i'd have girl. i have 2 sister and was raised by just my mom, and so a girl made the most sense to me. mostly because it was what i was used to. but now that i have a boy, i can't ever imagine having a girl! but if it happens one day, i'll be stoked just the same.

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  21. When I was pregnant with my son, before we knew he was in fact a he, we both wanted a boy.
    When my husband and I recently started talking about trying for another one in the next year, I immediately said "I want a girl this time" (as if we could control such things by talking about them). I thought about how much fun it would be if Gabe had a little sister, and how fun it would be to be able to pick out dresses, and one day be able to do her hair, and have tea parties. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize I'd love just as much having another little boy around. I'm still not sure if I'd know what to do with myself if I had a girl.
    Boys are so much fun, and I'd love to have another one. However, if it turns out we have a girl, that would be amazing too.

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  22. I don't usually comment, but I love this post! I can relate. I always pictured having a little girl first. When we told our families we were expecting, everyone kept telling us we were having a girl, it better be a girl, I already have 3 nephews and my mom needs a granddaughter/sisters need a niece. Well we found out a few weeks ago it's definitely a little boy! I was a little shocked at first, but definitely over the moon now and can't wait to meet the little guy :)

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  23. As a Ma of 3 {two girls & a boy in the middle}, I can say with certainty that the best part of parenting is that each child is unique-- & whether they are a boy or a girl is only one itty bit of what makes their personality!

    http://aclosetintellectual.blogspot.com/

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  24. This post is definitely one of the reason why I love your blog. It's so great to read about your life, you sharing your feelings and thoughts with us. I specially love the way you talk about your Henry. It's makes me wish I'll become a mom too one day. (Think i already said that once, but I can feel your love all the way here in Holland).

    Thanks for sharing this and I'm sure Henry has the best mommy he could ever wish for!

    Love, Sari

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  25. I was just like you- sure that I would be having a girl, with several girl names picked out by my 20-week ultrasound. I was surprised - and overjoyed to hear it would be a boy (happy tears all around). Now I know and appreciate how sweet a mama's bond is with her little boy. I second Sari's comment above- touching, honest, personal posts like this are a huge part of why I adore your blog so much.

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  26. aw this is sooo so sweet. :)
    Henry is just adorable.

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  27. This is super adorable! It is so cool how you were thrown for a loop but are so in love with your son that now you don't know how you thought he'd be a girl. aw.
    +Victoria+
    http://justicepirate.com

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