Thursday, March 28, 2013

On Feeling Feelings

typical morning
Oh pregnancy, you're funny. I'm already a super emotional person but somehow this pregnancy has turned me into the biggest sap. Crying over car commercials! Tearing up at a cute old couple crossing the street! Listening to Moon River over and over again feeling like my heart might burst!

It's pretty neat though, right? In my kinda-crazy brain I like to think it's my heart's way of making more room in it for another little person to take his or her place in there. Like all of this crying is making my heart's capacity grow and expand, and in 5 months when the tiniest baby arrives I'll be ready. My heart will be ready!

So many things have been tugging on my heart strings, but this album for some reason has had this magical power to make me feel all of these feelings. And the second song. Just listen to that song, and tell me it doesn't evoke something in you. And it's not like it's some meant-to-make-you-cry type of song. Maybe it's the vocals or the cello, but it's just so beautiful to me. On repeat, forever.

Before Henry was born I had all of these images in my mind of how things would be- how it would feel to do certain things- to dance around the kitchen with him, to sit and play the piano with him, to walk holding his hand. And now these things are happening. One day is this day and it's so overwhelming to me, and so overwhelming to my even more over-emotional self that I want to cry at the simple joy in all of it.

And then I remember thinking awhile ago what it would be like to be pregnant again, what it might feel like to say "my kids," to be a mama of two, spending my days surrounded by children. And suddenly, I am here. And almost halfway done with this oft-dreamed-of pregnancy.

Life is beautiful, isn't it? The constant circle, the ebb and flow, the one days becoming the todays, and all of the possibilities to do with it what we will. And one day I'll look back to now, pregnant with our second baby, feeling so happy and emotional and excited, all rolled into one, and it will be amazing to me that I was once there, because I'll be somewhere totally different. Because that's how it works.

Feeling all these feelings and tucking it all away, in the same place I keep the happiest of memories. I want to remember this.

xoxo

22 comments:

  1. Danielle, this is so sweet and touching. I am constantly amazed by how babies just create love all around them. It's the best. Thanks for these words. It was great way to start a day that really began at 3 am with a sick infant, followed by rancid milk in my coffee. I needed some sweetness.

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  2. Moon river, Henry Mancini.. love, LOVE this song !
    Thanx Dani for your post, i'm so in this state too strong hormones, pregnancy is so wonderful!

    xoxo

    Coralie

    Happy-D.blogspot.com

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  3. Life is beautiful and you are so happy and lucky!

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  4. That song IS lovely and tugs at you...I think it's the cello. ;)

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  5. What a beautiful post. It's always nice to read someone else's outpouring of gratitude, especially when it's wonderfully said.

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  6. This made me cry. Life really is beautiful!

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  7. tear*, i recently found out I was pregnant and I am trying to get a handle on my emotions, after a MC and a molar I am just so grateful to be allowed this journey again. Life can be truly amazing. Your words just made me tear up with hope and filled my heart with love. xxx

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  8. I hear you. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my second baby, and now I'm feeling that way even more as he is starting to say 'mama' and stand and I can't even believe it but HE IS ALMOST WALKING. Just wait until you witness your 'kids' (haha weird) belly laugh at each other and cuddle and play. It. Is. Insane.

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  9. I love this post because of all of the feelings it evokes. Especially because it's so wonderful to know that so many people, like myself, just have so many feelings floating around in them all of the time. You're right, I definitely do think it's a way to make more room in your heart for something else.

    Lately I've been tearing up over every post I see about motherhood, or every picture of a newborn baby, or a new family together. I suppose you could say I have a touch of baby fever and am bursting at the seams at the prospect of being a mother one day. This post was no exception.

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  10. Oh girl I hear this post! I couldn't even sing to Lemon for months after she was born because I would cry and not get through a whole song. Sometimes I have to step back and say, "I can't believe this is my life, how did I get so lucky?" Sometimes motherhood throws it all at you, all at once and you don't have time to sit and reflect. But, when you do, it all comes out. I am so excited for you that you are pregnant again and can't wait to read about how it is the second time around for you!

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  11. Loved this post :) Guess what?!?! I'm pregnant too!!! Life is beautiful. ♥Lindsay

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  12. Thank you for this post. I vividly remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with Gunner, and now he is 13 months old. How slowly the days seem to pass, but how fast the years seem to roll by!

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  13. Thank you so much for having the ability to put into words what I feel every day! I go around and around in my head with these thoughts but could never really grasp and explain to my husband or my friends the feeling of it. Don't ever stop writing!

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  14. I love this post. I just found out I'm pregnant today and its such a magical feeling. A month a go looking at my 1.5 year old I asked my husband how I could love another child as much because I love him sooo much. He said your heart gets bigger. I thought it was such a sweet thing to say because he's not usually sentimental.

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  15. Yes! Today I was watching my son's sharing an orange in the springtime sun. Laughing. Babbles.Hugs. I melt.

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  16. I feel you on the crying over everything thing. I think I'm even more emotional this pregnancy than with my first. I like that you said it's your hearts way of making room for the new little one - I'm going to just keep telling myself that now instead of omg I'm losing my mind. ;)

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  17. i'm smack in the middle of my first pregnancy, so I feel your... emotions :) Here is my favorite version of Moon River I thought I would share with you. Bring some tissues.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubeFZwCR2lM

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  18. Such a beautifully moving post! You make me so excited to be a mother. Amazing x

    -Jade
    gracious-silhouettes.blogspot.co.uk

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  19. Oh no. I'm going to get more emotional than this one day (maybe). That's going to be a hot mess.

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  20. murder by death is one of my very favorite bands. they are pretty much the only band for whom i will still buy their new album without question, because i know it is going to be amazing. i saw them in concert recently and they explained #6, about how it's about missing girls, some poor, one rich, and no one noticed until the rich girl went missing. i hadn't really gotten it all just from listening. it's so sad but such a great song. i highly recommend the song "the devil drives" if you haven't heard it!

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