Tuesday, April 16, 2013
It can be hard to put things into words when you feel like it's already been said...and said a million times over. What else is there to add? Why say anything at all? In times of tragedy or sadness, when everyone seems to have an opinion or something to share, it sometimes can feel so redundant or even wrong to want to share your own thoughts too...
I still can't figure out though, if there really are worse things happening in the world now, or if I am just more tuned in to what is going on. Still trying to figure out if maybe this is what growing up is- opening your eyes to the things you've been lucky enough to be sheltered from all along.
I'm not sure, but after days like yesterday I struggle with an angry part of myself that wants to hate the world, hate people, hate humanity. I think about the fact that days like yesterday are a normal part of life for people all over the globe. A normal thing to see on the news, to hear in the streets, to talk about with your friends. I think about how much I detest bringing up children in this world, and I wonder if maybe I'm being selfish by wanting to have more. But this is balanced out by the other side of my thoughts and feelings- the side that sees people helping, running towards a crisis, moving forward to fix, to do, to try and make things better. The side that does believe in good, that does believe that even though there is so much bad in the world, there is more good. And this is what matters.
Now that I'm a parent I think about "the world" a lot, both in a broad sense, and in this little world we've built inside our home. I cannot control anything, but what I can do is take every single day and teach my children that they can choose love, even amidst times when it seems so much easier to choose the opposite. And that lesson and choice starts with me.
I can't be sure where the world is headed, or what's next. It's scary, and I know the older I get and the more my eyes open to what's really out there, it will only get scarier. But like Rachel said in her post this morning: "Can we be kinder? Can we be more open? Can we be more considerate? Can we be a little more selfless? To everyone?" I think that is a starting point.
I don't know much, but I know that I can begin with my little world right here and right now, and even though it might not be a lot, it's a start.