So this photo has absolutely nothing to do with anything below, but I was looking through some photos from last summer earlier and came across this one taken at Coney Island and it made me so happy. It was taken the week I spent with Emily in NYC, and she took me to Coney one day so I could check it out. I loved it. I didn't snap one photo this weekend that would make sense for this post, so random Coney Island photo it is!
I wanted to take some photos today of this belly. It's gotten so big, so fast, but the weather outside is positively gloomy, which makes for not-so-pretty pictures, even of just a belly. However I'm sitting here typing this and listening to so much rain coming down, thunder, lightning, all of it, and I'm ecstatic. This is my favorite kind of weather by far.
So how about a good, old-fashioned update?
Life is good, and believe it or not (I cannot!) Henry will be turning THREE this fall. Now, I know that "this fall" is a ways off, but someone this morning asked me how old he was, and usually I just say "2 and 1/2" but this time I said "3 in the fall." And then I cried inside for a second. It's a weird thing, being a parent. It's a constant yearning to stop time and freeze things but the more you focus on that the faster it all seems to go by. So for me the best thing has to just focus on the now, the stage we're in, and although this morning I had this moment of disbelief that our little guy could ever be turning three so soon, I have been doing a better job of not getting too sad about it all going by. Remind me of this when I have a newborn, and without fail I will be writing about how sad it is that that little tiny newborn stage is over with in the blink of an eye.
I don't write about Hank a super lot on this blog. I feel very lucky to have a strong marriage and to be married to my best friend. And really, what are you supposed to say when things are really good? But lately I've felt even more in love with him, if that's even possible. I keep taking a step back and just thanking the universe that I've gotten to spend the past decade of my life with him and to be able to spend the rest of our lives doing the same. To know him is to love him, and the longer we are together the more and more I realize just how lucky we are to have found each other in this crazy world. And see? This is why I don't write about it too much. I think sometimes I just feel uncomfortable going on and on about something I like to keep close to my heart. But sometimes I do think it's good to shout it to the rooftops.
But something not so good? My Grandma, Nanny, has been getting more and more ill following a heart surgery she had recently, and this past weekend she was taken yet again to the emergency room. She has pneumonia in both lungs, and on Saturday hospice was set to meet with her and my parents but just like it's happened every time, she suddenly started getting stronger again. She's a tank, this woman! She also happens to be my last living grandparent, and the one relative I've always been the closest to. I have the very best memories of her. I grew up spending lots and lots of time with her and my Grandpa, and then after he passed away, she moved from NJ to live with us in AZ. She's lived with my Mom and Dad ever since (I was 15 at the time), and I'm sure you can imagine what a part of our daily life and world she is. I can't imagine life without her.
So yes, life is both good and bad at this current moment, as life usually is. A little of both. It's interesting to me to be caught in this place right now, to have one hand on the pulse of an end of a beautiful life, and another bringing someone into this world. Right in the middle. Charlie is due to arrive in a little over 6 weeks and as the weeks fly by I can only think of how times in my life I'll ever be here again. Never ever. So this is it, the one time my 2 and 1/2 year son will be this age as I am getting ready to have our second child, as Hank and I stay up all night talking about life and dreams and our goals, the time in our life when it feels like everything is beginning, even though we've been going for quite some time. Do you ever feel like that, like the phase you're in is a BIG thing, even though it feels so normal? I want to remember this for always.