Wednesday, July 24, 2013

One, Two, Three, Four

Family Photos in Sedona 10/28/12
photo credit: Emily Snitzer

I can't remember the exact day, or where I was when I really and truly knew that Hank was it for me. But there it was; a very distinct divide between "then" and "now," and although yes, of course there was everything before, life almost didn't seem to start until I met him. And then with Henry, I remember sitting in the green chair in his room, rocking him to sleep one night, and thinking how odd it was that life could have ever felt complete before him. It's funny, isn't it? How these puzzle pieces come clicking into our lives, sometimes unexpectedly, sometimes not, but when they fit and they're in place, it just feels right. The "ohh yes, this is what life is, this is how it's supposed to go."

For the past almost three years Hank and I have had the privilege of spending our minutes and hours and days with our Henry. When he came into this world on that November morning, we knew everything would change in an instant, and of course, it did. But we weren't really prepared for how beautiful life can be when you have this little light, this perfect person full of only love, that is suddenly a part of everything you do. It's amazing, really. And I think back over these past years in awe of the three of us- each of us learning and growing into these new roles: a mother, a father, and a newborn-turned-baby-turned-toddler-turned little boy. We've spent these last few year all together, and now in just three short weeks, there will be one more person to add to our brood. A fourth. And just like that, life goes on a-changing.

And of course along with the gushing and the excited anticipation and the overly-sentimental paragraphs, comes a lot of nervousness. A lot. We've been "just the three of us" for awhile now, and we have it down. On good days it's easy, and on bad days it's not really too bad at all. Henry and I have our routines and our schedules. We know how to get things done, and we do it efficiently (most of the time). When we go grocery shopping it's an easy task- out of the car, into the cart, into the store, and out again. But now my mind is swirling with the "how will I evers" and the "how will that works," and on many occasions I've run scenarios like these through in my mind; "okay, get a cart, bring it over to the car, put Charlie in the wrap, get Henry, put him in the cart, food shop- that can't be so hard, right?"  It's the little things like this make me slightly nervous- the everyday tasks that seem so simple now that I know will become more complicated. But at the very same time, in the very same thought, I think about how before Henry I felt that way, and how now it's just second nature. New becomes familiar, and soon it's hard to ever imagine anything different.

But above all, there's a sense of adventure that is superseding all of it- all of the sentimentality, the nervousness. Past the silly nerves or the apprehension at the unknown there's the simple joy in the fact that so soon, one will become two. My sons. And yes, it's scary as hell to feel like we're jumping head first from comfortable and pretty easy into a whole new world of possible chaos, but it's more exciting. Much more. More of everything really.

And so now we have three weeks left, just the three of us. Soon our fourth will join us, and soon I'll be right here in this space, writing about how I never could have imagined the world without him here. Because that's how life works. You think you have it all figured out, and then in an instant, everything changes. In my case, our son will be arriving and our family is about to grow bigger; one, two, three, four. This page in our book is turning, and all of it- the excitement, the nervousness, the fear, the joys- it's all such a beautiful, beautiful thing.


38 comments:

  1. Gosh, i think all the same thoughts about deciding to have a second! So nice to see your perspective. Good luck with your upcoming delivery and recovery.

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  2. If you feel comfortable doing so, would you consider writing about your recovery from the c section whilst looking after two little ones? Its something I.m incredibly nervous about going through myself and would love an insight into it. Thank you so much and all the best for the birth of Charlie!

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    1. Hi! I was just thinking about what I wanted to share after Charlie is born (definitely no birth story this time), and I think this is a great idea! Thanks for commenting and if you don't see a post about it within a couple of months post-birth please email me and we can chat about it that way!

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! :)

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  3. So sweet, Danielle. I'm so excited for you! I'm not a mama yet, but I'm always in awe of the mothers at the grocery store who flawlessly handle multiple kids (or even one!) and still manage to snag everything on their lists. I'm sure it's just something you learn and adjust to, and I bet you'll figure it out pretty quickly. Best of luck to you! Can't wait to "meet" little Charlie. :)

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    1. Bekah thank you so much! Your comments always make my day! :)

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  4. I think your concerns are very valid! I have two girls 16 months apart and I was so scared! But honestly it is not even as hard as when you have your 1st. We women are super heroes! The best advice I can give is to not expect to do it all! Just because you can do everything doesn't mean you should. Good luck!

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    1. Thank you so much for the encouragement Coretta! 16 months apart- you ARE a super woman! Go mama go :)

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  5. As an 'old pro' (remember, I have TWO teenagers now, eek) I still remember the fears of child no. 2 on his way... running through the same simple scenarios in my head, but as you've said new will become familiar and pretty soon the what if's won't even hold a thought in your head. Life will just... Be. And it will be beautiful, and you'll find yourself wondering how it is you have so much love to give both your babes and your husband. So Much Love Danielle, it truly is beautiful. I am so excited for you and your family! Enjoy the next few weeks of "Just You Three"... cherish the small moments because it's all about to change again... for the better!! Take Care sweetie!! :-)

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    1. Jen I still can't believe you have two teenagers! You are definitely an old pro. But not so old! ;) Thank you for the kind words and encouragement! I appreciate it so much. Tons of love! <3

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  6. I had the same fears before having my second son. Honestly the hard part wasnt manageming both of them it was the fear that I wouldnt love them the same. It takes time to work things out but its so doable! and the equal love is not instant for everyone, i would bet its not instant for most but it will come. :)

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    1. Hey Ashley! Oh gosh...I hadn't even thought of that yet! Thanks a LOT! ;) Haha I kid- but you do bring up a valid point. It will be neat to see what it's like. Thank you so much for commenting! <3

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  7. Beautiful post, that´s just how it is! :-)

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  8. Your blog always gives me the chills and goosebumps in that exciting, "reading this makes me so happy" sort of way. I love your blog and your beautiful family! I cannot wait until we get to see pictures of Charlie! I know you are full of "what ifs." I'm not a mom, so I can't really help you out too much :) But I know you are strong enough and that you have a wonderful family for support if times get hard and when you think "Ahhhh. This family of four is challenging."

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    1. Aww Blake that makes me happy! I'm so glad I can bring some happiness to you from this blog. You are so sweet. Thanks for the kind words!

      xo

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  9. I am sure you will be a great mother to two boys. You are an amazing mother to Henry and I am sure that Henry will LOVE being a big brother. I cannot wait to see his beautiful face here on the blog in a few weeks. soak in these last few moments as a family of three!!

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    1. Thank you so much Jessica! Lots of love to you! :)

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  10. Hey Dani, I can't help but ask: why no birth story this time? :( It's one of my favorite things to read around, and I'd love to check your saga with baby number #2. Pleeeeeeeeease! #sadface

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    1. Ahh! I'm sorry- I just felt like it was a little too personal to share or something, I don't know. Afterward I felt like it was something that was meant more for a baby book, kind of like my "Dear Henrys". I'm all about sharing my experiences though so maybe I will post something not so personal? I don't know! But no more #sadface! ;)

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    2. Well, I definitely look forward to reading a post about Charlie's birth - personal or not! hahah ;) Good luck during these few days before him. I'm sure you are having a blast already! x

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    3. Sorry it was Anonymous before, have no idea why I didn't post with my login. hahah! x

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  11. Four is a fabulous number! Have confidence...everything will fall into place as soon as your new little one joins your world. I went from zero to two at once, and was so incredibly nervous, even scared. Now I know it was meant to be--I couldn't be happier!

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    1. Thank you so much Susan! And I agree, four is a GREAT number! :)

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  12. Tooootally get where you're coming from!

    Dani, I do hope you come back in a few months with a follow-up post about what you expected vs reality on this topic!! I'd be very interested in reading about it!

    So excited for your fam!

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  13. You're having Charlie on my birthday! So you'll be fine. Ha!
    I have a 3 year old and just had my daughter 3 months ago. When she was two weeks old I attempted shopping for the first time. I put him in the cart and her carseat in the cart. As I was pushing them in it occurred to me...where the crap was I supposed to put the food? It's a lot of ups and downs. A lot of adjustment and guilt. You'll question everything and wonder why you ever thought 2 was a good idea. But then one day it all sort of comes together and just the three of you seems like a lifetime ago...& while that will make you sad you'll never want to go back.

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  14. You're having Charlie on my birthday! So you'll be fine. Ha!
    I have a 3 year old and just had my daughter 3 months ago. When she was two weeks old I attempted shopping for the first time. I put him in the cart and her carseat in the cart. As I was pushing them in it occurred to me...where the crap was I supposed to put the food? It's a lot of ups and downs. A lot of adjustment and guilt. You'll question everything and wonder why you ever thought 2 was a good idea. But then one day it all sort of comes together and just the three of you seems like a lifetime ago...& while that will make you sad you'll never want to go back.

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  15. I don't usually comment but I just wanted to tell you this was a lovely post. Wishing you the best of luck with your delivery!

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  16. So beautiful. And so exciting that Charlie is nearly here - time goes by so quickly! x

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  17. so sweet!! and even though I don't have kids yet and don't know that feeling, i am sure that with this new peanut coming into your life it will feel even more complete! :-)

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  18. Aww! I'm sure this is such a scary AND exciting time! You'll never know how it will feel until it actually happens. I'm sure it will be incredible to have that new little man in all of your lives!

    The Rambling Fangirl

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  19. Anonymous~ you will be fine after your second and even third c-sect. Been there done that. The human body is amazing in the way it heals and in the way, a mother's instincts provide you what you need to mother two and three! The new baby sleeps at least 18 hours a day so that gives you plenty of time to do all you need to do with the older child. I would encourage you to have both children down for a nap/rest time the same time every day. That quiet time will be your salvation. And bedtime the same....leaving time for your husband.

    Enjoyed your post....best wishes on #2

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  20. aww Im so excited for you guys! Im sure you wont be thinking this hard by time baby comes around! I remember getting gas for the first time, I was like how the hell do moms do this! seriously? Its always a task and a little tougher, but it also makes it a lot more sweeter too. good luck:)

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  21. I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again -- these "soul-baring" posts from you are my very favorite. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  22. I'm sure you'll be able to get back in the groove quicker than you think. :) My little boy is five months, and when we first brought him home, it was probably about a month or two before I really figured out what I was doing. I'm sure it'll be much quicker with the second, albeit a bit challenging with two, but you'll do great. :)

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  23. you always write so beautifully. when i get all stressed over what's going to happen in ym future, it gives me this crazy sense of comfort to hear how things have all worked out for you. and you never know, you could be writing this about a 3 or 4th baby one day too

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  24. So beautifully written and I can so relate to all of those thoughts that you are having...I have been having the same ones! Jeremiah and I always wonder what the heck we did with all of our time before Clémence and now that there is another one around the corner, I imagine it will be just the same. And how sweet to watch our little ones (who will look huge!!) assume their new roles as the older sibling. I know they will be so helpful during those daily routines ;) So excited for you Mama!!

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  25. I had the same worries. Babies need peace and rest while little boys are go go go,it was a challenge. Especially breastfeeding. Thats when my oldest would get jealous. I made a special big boy basket filled with cheap fun things new to him.Target dollar aisle style. I got it out when I nursed. He felt more included. You'll find your rhythm. Best to you.

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