Thursday, July 25, 2013

Thursday.

Family Photos, February 2013

It's weird, this month has been one of the strangest of my life but still. I feel thankful. It's like this weird kind of thankful- the kind where you think about bad shit and then realize that without the bad, you can't have the good. Or when you talk about death and loss, and then in the same breath find yourself discussing how alive you feel. A strange juxtaposition, both physically and emotionally. But amidst it all, the weird, bad, sad, strange, I have this elation bubbling up inside of me. Every single morning I have this opportunity to make the right choices, to be a loving wife, an engaged mother, a good friend. I have this time left. And sure, it's hard to get it all right, all at once. But still. There's that opportunity. And so I try my best, and this past week I have been so grateful for so many small things- the excitement on Henry's face the moment he wakes up (knowing he loves his life so much makes my whole world right), the way I just feel at home when I'm next to Hank, or Madeline's boundless affection, even when I'm in my own bubble and don't pay the most attention to her.

This space has been good for me. I haven't taken many photos lately (I keep having to use old photos at the top of posts)- and I miss that- but I'm starting to feel like I want to. And these little things, the little bits of gratitude that just stack up in my mind, they remind me that life is so, so good.

So many other things going on in my brain:

The other day I tweeted the quote "you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with," and it really got me thinking. It goes along with that whole idea of "you are the company you keep," and I think there is so much truth to that, both in the "real world," and the online world. I have made the mistake over and over again of allowing people into my world who do not bring out the best in me. Admittedly I can be someone who can get right into a gossip session (so horrible), but then after I feel disgusting and crappy and I hate it. There are certain relationships in my life where it seems that's the bulk of what there is to discuss, and that's sad. I don't want to be that. And it goes back to the 5 people quote. Who do you spend the most time communicating with online? Those people reflect you, in a way, I think. Who do you spend the most time with? For me, it's Henry, Hank, Madeline, my Mom and sister. And that's pretty awesome. I feel good I'm the sum of the five best people I know. And I need to keep that in mind in all areas of my life.

I've also been thinking about how much I've enjoyed writing so many more real things in this space lately, be it sad or happy, or whatever. It makes me feel good to just write for me, and then share it, with the sharing part as an afterthought, not something going on in my mind as I'm writing, which has always been the part of blogging I've struggled with.

I've been wondering lately about Charlie, now that we're down to just three weeks. What will he look like? What will he be like? It's so strange because when I think of our child, I think of Henry. I only know Henry. I know what he looks like, what he is like, and it's really hard to even wrap my mind around the fact that there's a whole new definition of "our kid" making his way into our world.

Random. If you've read this far, thanks. I think every blog deserves a nice little brain dump now and again. Try it sometime, I bet you'll like it. ;)

44 comments:

  1. I love the new/old honest writing -- it's refreshing, especially in a world of so many c/o posts and sponsored by "stories" out there (not that there's anything wrong with those posts, but they seem to be outweighing the authentic ones lately) -- enjoy your last three weeks as a family of three. It's a time you'll never get back, one you'll remember fondly when it's time to become a family of four. Each season of our lives is special and deserves special recognition. Good for you for acknowledging these "little" big moments.

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    1. Thank you so much Ruth! :) I so appreciate this comment and your kind words.

      xo

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  2. I've not commented on your blog in forever, but I love the "random" posts the best! <3

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    1. Aww thanks lady! So good to know you're still reading! <3

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  3. wonderfully written. i like to read "little brain dumps". these posts are so real.

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  4. Your grateful/optimistic outlook is gorgeous. Thursdays are my favorite day of the week, so this made it even better. Thanks for sharing!

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    1. I also happen to love Thursdays! It's "Friday Eve" after all! <3

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  5. Ahhh, sometimes life can get fuzzy can't it and having a space to let it all spill out really helps! I like your thoughts around the 5 people we spend time with, I can really relate to that and really feeling the ups and downs of life! Your little baby will be here soon and it will bring a whole new dimension to your family, something to relish and appreciate, for every loss we encounter we find something else new to delight in discovery- it's refreshing to read your open and honest post x

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    1. I so agree- I have been extra thankful for this space lately. Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

      xo

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  6. so beautifully written!

    www.modernsuburbanites.blogspot.com

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  7. i love brain dumps and i love this. you are probably one of the most open and honest blogs i follow and i am so incredibly happy i stumbled upon yours so many months (or years?! who knows) ago.

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    1. Ahh Lacey, thank you! So sweet. You definitely have been here for a long time, and I so appreciate it. It's neat to think of all you've been through with me via this blog. Coolest/neatest part of this blogging community.

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  8. You are a bright spot on the internet, Danielle. Always. <3

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    1. Katie's a smarty. And she's correct

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    2. OH YOU TWO! Thanks ladies. Always making my day. <3

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  9. Sometimes I love the randomness of your posts, I love your writing, I'm not a native English speaker, so it's nice for me to find bloggers who write so it's comfortable for me to read.

    Thank You for sharing your thoughts.
    Next month will be amazing for you. I have a feeling, haha.

    Maria

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    1. Thanks so much Maria! I'm glad you have that feeling- hoping for all positive things! <3

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  10. I love your blog so much Dani! I was actually thinking about this today.. the brain dump.. the "real" posts. I've posted some real thoughts but have spaced them out because I'm not sure what people want. Sometimes I don't think people actually read anything.. just in search of pretty pictures. I even sometimes do that.. depending on the blog.
    Thank you for sharing.. as always.
    You're pretty awesome lady!

    xo
    Ali

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    1. Ali,

      Thanks so much for reading (even though I've had a lack of pretty photos lately!). So appreciate that. And I agree about enjoying the "real posts" more. I enjoy writing them, and I really enjoy reading them on other peoples' blogs.

      Lots of love!
      <3
      D.

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  11. I find this post very thought provoking. Keep them coming when you need a good brain dump.

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  12. I always find that random posts are the best. They allow bloggers to open up and share parts of themselves they may not usually share with readers. I'm allowing myself to open up a little more on my own blog. I have a supportive group of bloggers behind me. I shouldn't hide who I am when I'm already hidden behind a computer screen. Thanks for being real, Danielle. :)

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    1. Hi Jessica!

      Thank you for always commenting and being so sweet! :) I totally agree about the random posts too- I really enjoy reading them on others' blogs. Thank YOU for being real! So much love, girl!

      xo

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  13. This is so beautiful. I adore your heart girl!

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    1. Aww Lindsay thank you! That makes my day!

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  14. I love every single bit of this post. So real and so honest, and even though it's you just expressing what's currently on your mind it really makes all the sense in the world. Keep on mama!

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    1. Thanks so much Jenna- that really means a lot! :)

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  15. Having just started blogging, I read many advice posts about the do's and don'ts. One of the don'ts was not to pour too much personal information and emotional dumping into blog posts. Having read this, that's definitely one piece of advice I won't be using.

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    1. Well that makes me happy! Glad to know I could help! :) Good luck with your new blog- so exciting!

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  16. You're wonderful. Life is so confusing sometimes, but good. I'm so excited for you guys that Charlie will be here so soon!

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    1. Oh gosh lady, you're so sweet! Thank you :)

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  17. my two boys are three years apart, and as opposite as they get. my older son is calm and mild mannered, and my younger is a wild thing! he definitely keeps me on my feet. i love how they have such dueling personalities. ;) it will be so exciting for you to see the differences in henry and charlie.

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    1. I love hearing that Deanna- it's so funny because even in my belly the two have been so, so different. I am wondering if that's going to be indicative of their personalities. It will be interesting to see, for sure. Thank you for always leaving such sweet, thoughtful comments. I really appreciate you! <3

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  18. Nothing worth having comes easy!

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  19. You are a wonderful writer and this is your time and space to be YOU !

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    1. Thank you for the encouragement Teresa! <3

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  20. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Very interesting and a good reminder to reconsider the relationships in life!

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    1. You're so welcome Nicole, and thank you for stopping by! :)

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  21. I really loved this post, thank you for being so honest. A couple of years ago I broke a 13 year friendship with someone who I considered at a time in my life to be my best friend. Gradually we grew apart, mostly because of life moments that change someone naturally. I later found out that the things that made me who I am were the things that bothered her about me- my flaws. I made a decision right there that I didn't need someone that didn't accept my flaws in my life. Thanks again for sharing.
    www.notesfromtheslife.com

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    1. You're welcome Sandra, and thanks for your kind comment. It's so hard to end a friendship, isn't it? It's really like ending a relationship, in so many ways (because I guess really, you are!). I hope you have healed from it and are feeling ok. Sending you a huge hug.

      xo

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  22. Danielle, I have been quite behind on your blog posts. I miss them so. I appreciate your honesty so much. And your ability to find joy in the bad times. Those bad times kind of point out good parts too though and the beauty that surrounds us and that is what makes life such a crazy amazing adventure.

    I am beyond excited for you and your little family and the soon to arrive, Charlie. The day is so close! Can't wait to see the little man when he gets here. August is big month for babies in the blog world!

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