Monday, August 5, 2013
A Little World.
Every single morning when I wake up I already feel lucky in a way, lucky to have the day ahead of me, the hours stretched out, all the way until bedtime that night. Possibility. Choices. All my life I've been a little weird maybe, kind of hyper-aware of just how impermanent everything is, so I think about the fact that all we have is today's today, really. I mean, we have our yesterdays, but all of it rolls into today, you know? So today I wake up, today I decide to have a good day. Another one. And a long time ago, even if I wanted to have a good day, I couldn't. It's not always mind over matter, sometimes it really is easier said than done. But nowadays, nowadays I have that choice and I am able to make it. So I do, and I focus on all of this good. The loud, loud belly laughter from Henry, Hank's busy-ness in the morning that makes me smile, packing him snacks and lunch and getting him out the door, the just me-and-Henry time, deciding what we will do for the day. I savor the car rides we take. Lately The Beach Boys has been our soundtrack of choice, "play 'Daddy Takes the T-bird Away' again, Mommy." We grocery shop, we go on walks, we spend time at the park. Little bits of sunshine squeezed in before nap and after, all of our day fitting into those two blocks, leading right up until Daddy gets home, and it's a celebration every time. Counting down until his car pulls in, waiting at the window, then popping out, yelling surprise, waiting for him to put down the mail and his bag and his coat to sweep everyone up into a giant hug. These are the things I think about as I go to sleep each night, my head on my pillow, blankets to my chin. Counting the good things like sheep over a fence, one, two, three. Letting today become yesterday, rolling into tomorrow, and I feel lucky. So, so lucky to have all of these things that are so little in the big world, but so big in our little world. And so lucky to have a little world all our own.