Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Last night I was sitting up in bed. It was 3:30AM, and I was just finishing up feeding Charlie before I put him back down for another three-hour stretch of sleep. Hank was sleeping soundly beside us, Henry was asleep down the hall in his room, and our house was making its familiar nighttime settling sounds as the air conditioning kicked off and the overhead fan spun around and around. It was so quiet, except the tiny little noises coming from my nursing son, and in that moment sitting there, I don't know if I've ever been happier.
Besides the obvious benefits for baby and mother, breastfeeding for me is a true gift- it gives me, no- makes me, slow down and take time every single day to just be. And last night during that time I kept thinking about how lucky I am to be able to do all of this again. In life there are certain instances I think many of us look back on and wish we would have realized just how special they were. Maybe we would have slowed down, enjoyed more than we had, or even just taken a step back every now and then to truly appreciate the beauty of whatever stage or season we were in. And it's not like I didn't do this with Henry, because I did. But it's just that after those first couple of baby years were over and I finally caught my breath, I fully understood what all of those parents meant when they said "it all goes by so quickly."
But getting to do it again, getting to have this entire experience once more...it's so, so special to me. When parenting your second child, you already know how fast it goes. So when you get that second opportunity, I feel like you see everything in this new light. The first time around I was a ball of nerves- I was worried I would do something wrong, or I just plain didn't know what to do. But this time it's a lot different. I know that this newborn smell will be gone before I know it, and I know that the way Charlie likes to lay on my chest with his legs scrunched up like a frog will be over soon enough too. This time around I know to take a million photos with me actually in them, even if I don't feel like I'm back to looking like myself quite yet. And I know to take more time to sit and rock, and hold my tiny newborn, because even though I sat and rocked Henry as much as I could, now that that time is gone, in my mind it's of course never enough.
So this time around, don't mind me if I take a little time getting out of bed in the morning, getting more cuddles in with all three of my guys. I'll be pausing for an extra minute just to watch my sons, in awe of the brotherly bond that's forming more everyday, and I'll be spending any time I can with my newborn baby's head tucked into that little spot in my neck as we rock to sleep. Beyond grateful for this reminder to slow down and savor it even more, and incredibly grateful I get to do it all over again, but this time with my sweet Henry right along for the ride too.