Friday, September 13, 2013

Our New Normal (Right Now At Least).


Right now it's this:

I wake up around 7am, to some sort of yelling-trying-to-be-a-whisper on the other side of our bedroom door "Daddy, are Mommy and Charlie awake yet? Hi, Mommy? MOMMY? Mommy, are you in there?" And then Henry comes bounding in, and jumps into bed with Charlie and me. Hank gets up around 6:15am to shower, and then when Henry wakes up around 6:30 they hang out for awhile before I get my "wakeup call."

I usually feed Charlie right there in bed, then 15 minutes later or so the two of us come out to the living room and hang out with Hank and Henry before Hank leaves for work. Usually Henry is in the middle of breakfast, or if he wasn't in the mood to eat yet I will put Charlie in his little rocker, make breakfast for Henry and myself, and get together snacks/lunch for Hank to take to work. Then he's off, and it's just the boys and me.

It's a juggling act really, the rest of the day. We may go grocery shopping, take a walk, or meet up with friends, but whatever we do I have to send a silent wish into the universe to please, please let it all go somewhat smoothly. And maybe other veteran Moms of two are smiling at this thinking, "oh girl, you're so new," but seriously, it's a gamble whether or not it will go well.

For instance today I decided to go to Target with the two kiddos. It's funny to me, first of all, that whatever we decide to do kind of becomes our entire morning. If we all wake up between 6:30 and 7, it takes until at least 8 to get all three of us ready, then getting all of us into the car, then getting us into wherever we're going, and back again by 11 for lunch and Henry's nap at noon...you get the point. It's not like before where Henry and I would go to a million places to run a million errands- now I have to be choosy and very deliberate with our time. Maybe it won't be like this forever, but right now, in month one, it all takes lots of planning. But anyway. Target.

So we arrive right after they open, and I have a plan in mind, since I have to return a rather large lamp somehow too. I decide I'm going to park by the carts, bring one over to the car, put Charlie in the wrap, then get Henry in the cart, put the rather large lamp in the cart, then get us all inside. But then, because it's so early, all of the carts are still inside the store except for one lone red one, way out at the end of the lot. I have no choice though, so we park all the way in the middle of nowhere and make do. Cart. Kids. Lamp. Walking all the way across the parking lot into the store. But this is what I mean. This is our new normal, the planning, the thinking about everything before I do it. And then so much more too. Henry is the sweetest boy in the world but also very smart and very...spirited. So sometimes I'm in for a trying time if my dear wild man decides to be extra wild.

I laugh a little to myself though as I type this, because it is getting easier by the day. A lot easier. And I know that we're only four weeks into this new world, and in a few months all of this will seem so distant, and it will all become so everyday. But right now this is our new normal- planning and adapting and hoping for the best. And it's funny to me because even when I think it will be a disaster, I'm most often surprised by its smoothness. And of course when I anticipate the best, sometimes I have to steady myself as things get a little crazy. Life.

So. Here's to growing into this new role as a mama of two- lots of learning and falling and getting up again as I figure it all out...and I'm grateful to have you all along for the ride.


30 comments:

  1. I love to read your thoughts and worries - good everything seems to go smoothly. Can't wait for a really distastruous story though haha ;)

    Lots of love

    Maria

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha...I CAN'T! Although I know it will happen sooner than later! I will keep you posted. ;)

      xo

      Delete
  2. I remember those days. Even though it was just a couple of years ago, your words brought those memories right on back. I've found (even now with the third one almost a year) that it's easy to think yes, this time will pass and it will get better but we don't let ourselves admit to struggling a bit with the "right now". If you know what I mean. It's OK to have rough days, it's definitely not easy, but it's OK.
    Hope that it keeps on getting better!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for this. Such a right on comment that makes total sense.

      xo

      Delete
  3. Ah, been there, done that! :-) It will all fall in place, even though it doesn´t seem like that for a while. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sounds like a military operation, but you sound happy and are obviously getting the hang of two!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God, it kind of is! I should video tape the whole process of getting ready one morning. ;) ha! Have a great weekend, Robyn!

      xo

      Delete
  5. I read this with joy because I am going through the same thing. It took my awhile to venture out with 3 and when I did the first test run was to Target. Haha! Before I actually went I planned it all in my head first, what will I do with my oldest? How will I hold the baby? What if both my boys have a meltdown. God for bid someone has to go to the bathroom. I could go on and on... But I too am surprised by how well we get in and out of the house. Even though it takes us about an hour to actually pull out if the drive way :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes! We aren't alone! When we have a third eventually I can imagine it will be even scarier, all over again. You and I sound very much alike. :)

      Delete
  6. I had my third right before Christmas and I was certain that it would always be impossible- that I would hate shopping, grocery or otherwise. Nine months in and I'm sure my credit card wishes I still hated shopping.

    ReplyDelete
  7. it took me about six months before i finally felt like it was natural to go out with both of my boys. those first few months were like you said, all morning outings. you had to time EVERYTHING down to the minute. and i can remember getting frustrated over the tiniest thing, and then my hormones would go crazy and i would be sweating so profusely...even if it was 40 degrees outside!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH MY GOD YES- the sweat! That happened the other morning at the bagel shop. Anxiety and heat...ugh! So nice to know you are right there with me, Deanna!
      <3

      Delete
  8. I love this. I think most moms do this exact same thing. I called it parental pre-planning. It happens in my head, consistently. In fact, I just had a discussion about this with my mom a few weeks ago. I told her how exhausted I was, just from thinking. Because at every moment of every day, I am thinking. Planning. I was explaining to her how just to do something simple, such as Target, it takes planning. She just laughed as she heard me explaining myself and told me it would eventually fade. That the planning brain will slowly fade and intuition and instinct will just kick in. So, at least there's a bit of light at the end of the tunnel?! I have a 16 month old daughter and we're just now getting to the easy. Easier trips to stores and much easier getting out of the house (finally). You're doing a great job mama, and you're not alone! Stick with it, day by day, the easier will slowly fade in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jamie you are so sweet. Thank you for taking the time to share this with me- and I so agree. Always planning, always thinking. Can't wait until it becomes more natural to just DO.

      Have a great weekend! <3

      Delete
  9. oh boy, i must say it will get a lot harder before it gets easier. especially when little henry is 5 and charlie is hitting his stride at 2-ish. i'm the father of to lovely girls, 7 and 4, so it has become easier (a bit), but i remember thinking, "no biggie, just me and the girls today. let's go to Target for the morning and just take in the sites." and every time, about 10 minutes in, i almost scream loudly in the store, "why did i think this was even going to be ok?!" as my 5 year old was running away from me every chance she got and my 2 year old was screaming because i made her sit in the cart because i couldn't possibly handle both of them running away from me at once, and me pulling my hair out. sorry, just realized i was rambling. those moments are still pretty fresh and i remember them like they were happened yesterday. :) but there are so many reasons that i wish they were both still that young because the time has passed WAAAY too quickly. one is in 2nd grade now and has friends and homework and legit life problems, but not too old to pick on her little sister relentlessly. and the 4 year old starts school in less than a year and will be hot on the trails of her big sister. before i know it, i'll be chasing boys off my front porch and worrying endlessly when one of them borrows my car to go out for the night (not worry for my car, but worry for the safety of my little ones when i can't be right by their sides to protect them from the world). i need to go have a little cry right now. :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. I just had my second son August two weeks ago and my oldest son Smith is two---so I know EXACTLY what you are going through. It makes me feel better to see someone else struggling to figure out the new normal, while enjoying every moment. Thanks for being honest about the hardships. So many mom bloggers glamorize their daily life that it leaves you wondering, am I the only one who finds this hard as heck sometimes?!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Our younger two are the exact same age as your two and I can totally relate to this post!! My husband and I were laughing at ourselves yesterday as we went out for a short shopping trip: it takes us forever just to get out of the car!! I wrote a post about it this week: how we move through our day like we're performing choreography, weaving in and out of each other, grabbing things, passing things off, picking up babies, etc. It's beautiful, though, and so full of life and love. And sometimes you just have to laugh and say "I'll get to this later!".

    ReplyDelete
  12. Danielle, I'm reminded so much of three years ago when we welcomed our second son into our family. Yes, it is tough in the beginning. And hell, if I'm being honest, we still have "those" days three years later. But oh, the good days are so worth the few bad mixed in. Enjoy :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I remember this feeling exactly when my daughter was 0 to 5 months or so; and I didn't even have a second child to contend with! Especially with breastfeeding, everything is such a regimented affair in the beginning. I guess the good thing is, the second time around you know for sure that it's only a short season (verses just having people tell you it's a short season). Soon Charlie will be older / all around more functional and getting around will be second nature to you again. That said, I agree with the above post that it is 100% okay to have tough days and honor your feelings about them!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I had exactly the same feelings a year ago with my kids - and I still do somewhat! The disaster trips are somewhat less scary now, but sometimes I'm still wishing wine time was at lunch time!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm laughing because this IS normal - for everyone (I think!). It takes FOREVER to get anything done with two kids sometimes! Mine are Henry's age and 1 and let me tell you - I have to do a lot of thinking and planning to get those kids out of the door! Even today we had to pick a couple of things up at the store and I was re-thinking going... My son has been extra 'spirited' lately but all went all. It's a crap shoot most days! :) Best wishes.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I have to hand it to you- I am impressed. I am a newer mom to an 8 1/2 month old and I find it hard to get around with just one baby. If it were me, I would have wimped out and probably would have asked my husband to return the lamp on the weekend, sans kiddo. That is how I roll in anticipation of a Target-based meltdown. Thank you for sharing your reality, it is refreshing to know other mom's feel like that.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I loved reading this!! I am hoping to have a little one very very soon and just reading this made me happy :) it's a lot of juggling but it sounds like a perfect day to me :) Thank you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  18. We are STILL in this place, in month four!
    I don't say that to try and scare you, haha, just trying to let ya know that I definitely get it.
    The transition from one to two kids is no joke.

    Your Target story sounds just like me, the other day.
    We got there early and there were no carts out.
    My mom had come along with us for this trip (thankfully!) and I commented to her that it seems like the store should leave at least a few carts out for the mamas with their hands full!

    Keep on keepin' on, Danielle.
    You're doing great! <3

    ReplyDelete
  19. Veteran moms may be thinking you're new, but I'm a mom of a toddler expecting our 2nd and thinking "if I can make it to Target 4 weeks in I'm throwing myself a party!". All change takes time to adjust, has some bumps along the way, and raising a new human is certainly no small change. I hope to feel that and cut myself some slack just as I hope you do too :-).

    ReplyDelete
  20. i just had my 3rd baby a few weeks ago, and i laughed as i read this just now because yesterday we went to target, and i found myself parking far away to be next to a cart that i could pile my two toddlers in while wrapping the baby and having room to carry the things we were returning as well! i am right with you. and why in the world does it take hours for us to get out of the house?!? for me, while the first year is so wonderful and new and amazing (how amazing are newborns, right?) it is the hardest for me with planning and bad sleep and my muddled brain and all the unexpected events. but at one year my mind clears a bit, and the baby becomes more independent. knowing that helps me savor these crazy times better.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I hear you!! I don't think it's because you are new to becoming a mom of 2, I think it's because it's new to all of you. You will soon be more confident in Henry having his expectations of how store trips are supposed to go and your babe will be less fragile. You will be more confident too.

    Also, this is NOT a competition. You are a mom and other moms get what you are saying. I know I've told myself "I can't beleive I ever thought having just a newborn was a challenge now that I have a toddler and a newborn"... I try to remind myself that while it's ok to high five yourself, we all understand each other's realities as parents and we are all veterans :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. It gets easier...but takes time. :) Good luck!

    ReplyDelete

 
Blogging tips