Friday, November 1, 2013

This One's For All The Girls In The Middle Of It.

Vermont, Summer 2011

If you're anything like me sometimes when things are really good, you think about how it can't stay this way. You might think about how sad it is that no matter how happy you are, it won't always be so. But there's another side to this, a good side, because this mindset allows you to know in the thick of things, when days might not be the best, they will get better. Because at the root of it all, nothing ever stays the same. Our whole story is always getting written, and we don't get to know the end. Or even where we are in it. So all we can do is keep going along, figuring things out piece by piece, having faith in something (maybe a god or a person or an idea or even just ourselves) and crossing our fingers that the choices we make end up being the right ones.

I think a lot about the past, because by nature I'm a storyteller and all of it- the stories, the things, the people, the places- they all roll into the very today I'm standing upon right now. And this fascinates me to no end. I think about little moments from way back when, decisions I made, and my mind can spin in all directions thinking about how whatever instance I think of, big or small, had a hand in me sitting here right now typing this, both babies asleep in their rooms, a husband at band practice, a basketball game on the television that I forgot to turn off when I walked in the door, and a dog snoring soundly beside me. It's wild.

And I think about being the middle of things, and how we often don't know it's the middle, you know? We get so wrapped up that we don't always think about the fact that it won't always be this way.  I think back to this one time, I had to be about 20, when a boyfriend I "loved" moved away. And hand to heart, I thought I would just die. And I think about before that, being 19 and in college and convincing myself I was fat. And how I would think about it all of the time, until it spilled into every area of my life- eating less, exercising more, trying to become smaller and smaller. And how I felt so sad, but no one really knew. This was before I realized that there is life outside of my own head, when I felt like that. That I could and would feel better. And so much more- I think most people could go down the list and think about all these things in their lives where you become so immersed in the NOW, in the sad or the mad or the bad, that nothing else seems to matter.

But guess what? The boy moved away. I survived. I dated more, I experienced different people and places, and when I was 22 I met the love of my life. And tonight I went to the gym, but I didn't go because I "needed" to burn 800 calories. I went because I wanted to feel good and have me time- I went to enjoy myself, not punish myself. It's so weird to think about things like this, that I don't ever think about, and realize how I'm on the other side of it now and how things that I felt were all-encompassing and so upsetting at the time aren't even a blip on the radar now.

We all have our things. The tough stuff. The totally shitty stuff that makes us feel really alone, even when we're not. We're all in the middle together, even though our stories may be drastically different. But I can say with certainty, it will get better. Maybe not today, or even tomorrow, but because life is life and it keeps on going, it will. And to be honest, it will probably get hard again too, but if you keep in mind that there's always good on the horizon, somewhere, somehow, it makes the middle just a little more bearable.


43 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for posting this! What a perfect timing!

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  2. "We're all in the middle together" is my new favorite. :) I'm just going to close my eyes and think this really hard next time I'm in the middle of anything yucky. Love this post!

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  3. you're so right. sometimes when i'm in a hard time i tend to push myself harder. and to what? to feeling more depressed and sad. but when i was 20, i got a lesson that changed my point of view. for whatever bad it is, we'll survive. thank you for sharing this :)

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  4. Oh man!!! I love reading your stuff. You are so right! Right now I'm in "the middle" of wishing we lived back home with friends and closer to our families and I got really bogged down in all my thoughts. Then you wrote this and I read it and you reminded me that this too shall pass. You're awesome. Thank you for being you!

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  5. I absolutely needed to read this post this morning. Thank you. ♥


    The Rambling Fangirl

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  6. Such an amazing post to read first thing in the morning. I'm having one of those times that I am right in the middle of it -- there are so many scary things going on around me with my family that two months ago I never thought would be happening, but here I am, living it -- even surviving it. It's amazing to me to be able to step back and recognize that despite everything that's going on around me, all the crazy things I am juggling, that I truly am okay - that I can handle this. It's allowed me to really put everything in perspective and be able to recognize that I am strong and can make it through. I have become more able to recognize my emotions and struggles, accept them, but not allow them to determine my life or how I feel about everything. It truly is a wonderful feeling and an amazing place to be at in your life.

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  7. I loved this, Danielle. You have all my respect.

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  8. Such an encouraging post. I always think about the stories that shape us, too. Our minds are so focused on the past and the present and we can't even begin to understand how there are future great things waiting for us. I think sometimes having that mindfulness of "the middle" is what life is all about. It really is wild how much our perceptions and experiences change.

    Thanks for this sweet thought this morning!

    Mollie x

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  9. I love this. (Even though I'm not a girl!)

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  10. These few paragraphs, sentences, lines of words. These symbols and letters put together in an order to make sense, virtual black on virtual white on my computer screen. Your words, your thoughts, written down beatifully… they just warm my heart! Not only because I can relate (but fyi boy can I relate..) but because I needed to be reminded of this today and yesterday and honestly all the days of the past few years and all the days of a few earlier years too.
    So here is to your sweet tangible thoughts right here in virtual space!
    Xoxo

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  11. I love this, and needed this so much. I feel very "in the middle" right now, in all parts of life and this made me think about how *thankfully* it won't be this way forever. Thank you.
    Amia

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  12. THIS is exactly why I love reading your blog! Sprinkled throughout all the adorable posts about your family and friends and fashion and fun, there are these little bits of wonderful, re-affirming truths. I've been feeling VERY "in the middle" as of late, so this post felt especially poignant. Thank you!

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  13. Thank you for this. I shake my head to think about all those similar thoughts I had in my twenties. I'm sure I'll look back is much of the same way when I'm 40 to how I'm feeling right now. What a perfect reminder to enjoy the moment, to be grateful for who we are in this exact minute.

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  14. This was such a beautifully written post, and I completely agree. Thanks for writing this:)

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  15. Long time reader, but have never commented. Thank you for this- it really helped me put things into perspective this morning.I'm definitely the girl that's in the middle of it right now and it helps to know I'm not alone and it won't be forever (even though it feels like it now). Thank you :)

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  16. Really, really honest post and I love it.
    Thank you so much for sharing.

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  17. I feel like this often. I always think about how things are so great now, and sabotage it in my mind thinking how it can't be THIS good forever. I'm really struggling with that, and trying to focus on nothing but good right now. I've noticed my moods, and the way I was treating my husband wasn't fair. I had nothing to be worried about. I have gone through a share of battles in life (as has anyone else) and I've always been afraid to get to that place again. But, like you said, I do believe in god and he has shown me miracles, and things DO get better. Great post Dani. I love reading your blog!

    xo
    jenna
    mama daze blog

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  18. All of the "OMGYES"'s to this post. Thank you.

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  19. I've learned so many of these lessons in my 20's that in my 30's I stress less and move forward quicker. I know I'll survive and now I have a partner who helps get me through these little episodes. It's a wonderful thing to know that happiness is just around the corner. :)

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  20. So true. Thanks for articulating this so well. Looking back and seeing growth is so fun

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  21. I needed this right now. I've had a weird few days and this reminder was really good to read.

    xoxo,
    Tara O.

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  22. I love this post. Thanks for sharing with us.

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  23. Oh, Danielle. Amazing post. How did you get inside my head to write everything I couldn't?

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  24. This post is exactly "the talk" I needed! ♥ Just turning 21 I feel like I'm in the middle, of the middle. It's always nice to read things like this that remind me that I really need to take a step back sometimes.

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  25. I keep coming back to this. Thank you <3

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  26. This is one of the best giveaways!
    Clarabelle Savikko
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  27. Can relate to this so much, it makes me feel less alone that there are others like me out there!
    beautiful post and beautiful picture, I will never tire of this blog! xx

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  28. This post gave me chills as I was just writing something similar in my journal last night about not knowing whether we're at the beginning, middle or end of a certain stage or feeling. I just finished college and this has been an extremely emotional and uncertain time for me. Hearing your story encourages me that what I'm feeling right now won't last forever. Really needed this, thank you.

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  29. Wonderful read. And, just what I needed. Thank you.

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  35. I was just sitting here crying wishing things in my boyfriend and I relationship (5 years) could be like it was in the beginning.I read the post that Danielle wrote and I start to cry more .I feel like the girl in the middle ..I feel like im in a crosroad and don't know what to do ???|I want to "Believe" ..I just feel that there were promises that are not being made in regards to an engagement ring and I was trying to be patient and still am but I ca't wait forever .I dont want to be strung along .I know he loves me and i do him but i tel myself if he loves me than why dont i have a ring yet .I understood certain circumstancing but now I need him to step up to the plate..We were both married before.I believe in love again after what i have been through and I Believe in Marriage.He talks about future and promise ring with me but I need that engagement ring from him to tell me so.If in first year and second year you want to ginve me promise ring ok but not 5 1/2 years .Its been a couple years since showing me and then promises of ringand i just recently told him if i dont get a ring by spring im going to have to make a choice ...Hes got a stubborn personality and I dont if he knows how much this is hurting me..I don't know if hes afraid of commitment..Hes a Great guy but I need him to show me not tell me promises .Then I will know he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives...I feel better venting my feelings and Im still want to |B E L I E VE that everything will be ok

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