Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Everything and Nothing All At Once

 this week in a nutshell- a growth-spurting baby who has been fighting naptime...thank god for the Ergo.

I've been sitting here for awhile, kind of staring at this blinking cursor, trying to decide what I wanted to share today. Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I feel like there's just so much to say- so many things about Charlie and Henry and Hank and being a Mom and being a wife and being a friend and feeling really happy most days and feeling like I just can't get it right others- that it's easier to just write nothing than try to even break it down. I started to write a post about Charlie and his smile, and about how insane it feels to get him to laugh; that has to be the best feeling in the world, right? And then I thought no, I want to write about being a friend, and how it's sometimes really hard for me to feel like I'm being the kind of friend I want to have. I wish I had more time for phone chats and writing long letters and hanging out into the wee hours of the night. And most of the time I feel like I'm doing okay, at least in a "I have a new baby but I can talk for 15 minutes between naps and feedings and playtime" kind of way, but then those other times I hate that I communicate with some of my closest friends solely through text messages and Instagram comments. It feels cheap. I think about my Mom and her friends, and how that's just not a part of their lives- and hasn't ever been, and I love that they chit chat for an hour or so on their landlines quite regularly. Yes, landlines. So I typed a bit about that, then erased it, because I didn't feel like writing one of those posts, you know? Next my thoughts jumped to Henry- this sudden-big kid I'm raising who is blowing my mind everyday with his smarts and his charm and these crazy glimpses of a much older boy. He's just so sweet, and between the rougher times and his little bursts of frustration I am starting to see this whole new person. No more baby, no more toddler, this kid is growing up so fast and it's equal parts sad and amazing. I've said it many times, but to me a huge part of being a parent is letting go and doing so a little more everyday, and as hard as it is, it's wonderful to give your kids that room to grow and watching them spread their wings. So I copied and pasted a whole page of writing about that and moved it into another post for another day or maybe just for me, because in the middle of typing all of it out I hopped onto Pinterest and got lost in a world of pretty photos. A lot of people complain about the site, talking about how it can make you feel inadequate or like you just aren't doing enough, but for me, Pinterest is a place that makes me happy and is always inspiring. Even if I don't feel like cleaning I can hop onto my Pretty Spaces board and immediately get motivated. Maybe weird, but it works for me. And lately I've been daydreaming, looking at photos of old campers. This is something that I never would have seen myself doing a couple of years ago, but lately I've been so drawn to the idea of packing our family into one and going on roadtrips all summer long. Nothing fancy, just the four of us and the road, good food and adventures. This is the stuff my daydreams have been made of lately!

And somehow even though I typed and erased, and typed and erased some more, this post still ended up turning into a post about Charlie's smile and that laugh, and being a good friend and Henry growing up and what makes me feel inspired. Blogging is funny like that. Posts about everything and nothing all at once- and how sometimes all you need to do is just sit down and write it all out even when you didn't mean to.



  1. That was just beautiful!

  2. I love this post. Sometimes, as you say, you sit down to write and you want to post about everything and nothing all at the same time. Your mind travels as you write, to all the good things happening and all the things you want to work on. It's posts like these that encourage us to appreciate the little things and make plans to improve the bits we can change. Inspiring ^_^

    1. What a lovely comment, Kate! Thank you so much. And I agree- when I taught HS I would always encourage my students to freewrite during journal time and I would often participate too. Sometimes it feels so good just to get it all out there! Thank you for reading. <3

  3. I love these kind of posts of yours. I feel like I connect the most with you in them. Maybe that sounds weird, I don't know. I have more of those days than I can say where I don't know what to write and I want to share everything but it just all weighs so heavy on me that I feel it is better to say nothing at all. I feel posts with randoms and all these crazy rambled thoughts of mine are not good enough for my readers. Who wants to read all the nonsense that I can't even describe well? I think the times when I am truly myself are when I think and remember, "This is your journal. This your life. Maybe no one else will care about that little moment that happened on a Tuesday and that made you smile but it means something to you and you don't want to ever forget it. So write it and let it be." Everything and nothing all at once is exactly what I always am. Thank you for always sharing your beautiful thoughts with us, Danielle. Excuse any strangeness - it is late and my brain is sleepy.

  4. i think this was the type of post i needed tonight, because i'm feeling the same way in my head. a little of everything, but nothing at the same time and it's just stressing me out/overwhelming me. and the parts about the boys made me smile. they're such cuties :)

  5. First of all, that little foot peeking out is adorable! I miss having a new baby, though they are a lot of work. Also, I read what you wrote about being a bad friend - and feeling like text messages are cheap. True. You should always pick up the phone to truly reconnect, but I think real friends also need to give you space at this point in life. You only have a baby once, and you need all the time to bond with him.

  6. I just wanted to say that I totally agree with you about Pinterest - I take a look at my 'likes' page and it just makes me smile. Sometimes things are what you make them.

  7. This post made me smile. That open, blank space in Blogger sometimes doesn't mesh with the cluttered, whirling thoughts in my head. I read a post over and over again just to end up deleting it and starting from scratch. You put all of these thoughts together so well. Oh, and Pinterest! You've actually inspired me to create a new board with your camper dreams. My husband and I have been talking about owning a boat lately so maybe it's time to start making that dream a little more visual. :)

  8. This post is just lovely, it's left me smiling :) Thank you for sharing and for just saying what you want to say!


  9. Dani, this may be one of my favorite posts everrrrrr. Love it.

  10. This post is so fantastic. I type and retype a lot myself. Wondering what to share and what not to. I too miss the 'old' days of talking on the phone and hanging out, before social media. I recently decided to take a hiatus from Facebook to remedy this. I'm focusing more on real time social interaction, rather than constantly texting or commenting on posts. I feel a lot better. Thanks for sharing this post. It's awesome to know that someone else out there types and retypes. :)

  11. Great post! This is how I feel some mornings when I'm blogging. I want to share something so I go to take a picture of it, but it needs to be dusted, so I start cleaning, then I start taking pictures of other things...There are so many distractions and rabbit holes to go down!
    Pinterest is inspiring for me too!

    Thanks for Sharing!

  12. this post is exactly how my mind can be. i loved it. :)
    have an amazing weekend with your beautiful family, danni!

  13. I feel exactly the same about pinterest. It never makes me feel inadequate, it always inspires me.

  14. Hey Danielle,
    I love your storys :-) I just read your blog "about" - I think it needs an update :-P
    Greetings from Germany!