Wednesday, January 22, 2014
I was just thinking about marriage, and how, when you really think about it, it's pretty crazy that two people choose just one person to spend all of their life with. I mean it's not crazy to me on my own personal level, but the whole broader concept is slightly crazy. Right? So yesterday Hank raced home from work so I could squeeze in a run before the sun went down (I turned my alarm off in my sleep that morning), and that little gesture kind of filled up my entire run, just thinking about it and him and our marriage and marriage in general. To find that other person in this big world that just gets you and your weird ways, and you get them and their weird ways, to me that seems like the biggest lottery win ever. Hank and I talk about that often, discussing how wild it is to find your person, out of all the people in all of the world. And if your circumstances change, would your person still be that person? Would you find that person no matter what, or would you never know, and settle into a different life with a different somebody, never knowing the difference? I could go on.
So anyway I was on this run thinking about Hank and all of the little things he does that maybe he doesn't even notice he does, that mean more than anything to me. And I think in any good marriage that's how it goes- you become so in tune with one another that you just know what that person needs, and then you give it to them, and maybe in a way you don't really even know you're doing it. For instance right now I'm sitting in our bedroom typing this. This is my me time. And just as Hank goes into his office and writes music, that is his. We often spend time on our own during the week, doing our own thing, but it's this comfortable orbiting around each other, meeting in the kitchen to share a snack, meeting on the couch to watch an episode of Modern Family then going back to finish whatever we're working on. In this way I think we are both able to feel whole. Him, writing his music and tinkering with his electronics and organizing his vinyl toys. And me reading books and writing here and there and watching stupid television. But we are both in our home and I can feel him here and it's the most wonderful, comfortable thing in the world.
A lot of people talk about marrying your best friend and I heard it a lot before I got married- "No matter what you do, make sure you marry your best friend." Always the biggest piece of advice you hear from married people, right? And now we've been together for a decade and I get it. I understand what it means, in a very real way, more than I ever did before. I always knew he was the one for me and that I loved him beyond measure but after you've been together awhile and all the newness goes away and life gets hard, you are left with each other. And this is my person. Hank is the human being who I will go through every single thing in my life with. It's beyond anything I could comprehend when we actually got married, although if you would have asked me then I would have said I did understand, and I probably thought I did. It wasn't until I saw us getting older together, losing people we love together, becoming parents, leaning on each other, being partners through all of our twenties and growing closer rather than apart...it clicked.
So last night when Hank hurried home, rushing in the door and taking Charlie, finishing dinner with Henry and saying "go, go go!" with a smile on his face, I spent the next forty minutes on that run just feeling so goddamn thankful I could have cried. I am so grateful to have this person in my life who just gets me, and accepts me for me, just as I am. I'm grateful for all of the little things, all of the I love yous without ever saying it, all of the everyday things that are so tiny but so big at the same time.