Thursday, April 17, 2014

Balance.

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Balance. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion though, that unless I just accept that nothing will ever be balanced, I probably won't ever be happy! As someone who tends to be a bit of a perfectionist, it can be hard for me to not give everything 100%, or do things exactly how I envision them. It's something I think I'll always have to work through but I recently realized that just as life has changed with two children and different responsibilities, my expectations need to change. There are so many days I feel like a bad friend or a bad blogger, not having enough time to do other creative pursuits that are important to me, just kind of struggling to keep afloat in a sea of yes'...and this isn't okay. I don't want to walk around with a sense of guilt all the time- oh, I haven't posted today. Oh, I haven't called back so and so today. Oh, I haven't touched the boys' Project Life baby books in weeks, had that coffee date I keep talking about having, or answered any of the emails in my inbox in what feels like forever. And sure, some of these things may seem small or even insignificant in the bigger picture, but they're still part of my life. And to be honest, none of these things will ever change. Life will only continue to get busier, so what needs to change is my perspective. And thinking about it more, I realized that one thing I ALWAYS do is go to bed at night feeling like I was present as a mama and a good wife. Even on days I make mistakes or feel like I could have done better, I know that I am aware of how I can improve, and my family- my biggest priority- never ever gets shifted down the ladder or pushed aside. This feels good. And I realize that that's part of fixing those feelings of being so un-balanced, just recognizing that some things are higher up on my priority list, and that's just the way it is. I needed to shift my perspective and look at my day not as a huge puzzle to fit all of the pieces into, stressing over the fact that there is never, ever enough time, but as the puzzle already in tact with the main things I focus on everyday, and then making room for others things if I have time...and then accepting that if I don't, there's always tomorrow.

I'd love to know, though- do you feel balanced? Are you a parent, a student, someone who works full-time either for yourself or someone else? If you've managed to figure out a good balancing act, or if you're still working on it like me, let me know below, or send me a tweet!

xoxo

23 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh I couldn't agree with you more! As always you put it into words so perfectly. I too feel like I fail miserably daily in so many aspects but like you I do always put my family first and I've definitely come to feel that if that's all I do WELL at the end of my life then that would be a LIFE WELL LIVED. There's just so much pressure these days to be EVERYTHING to EVERYONE and it takes a conscious effort to tune it out. You're doing a wonderful job mama and sharing your love with all those around. xoxoxo

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  2. I'm definitely still working on balance. Somehow someway I never let things go unfinished, but I do at times feel rushed or pressured in completing things because there is so much going on. What keeps me sane though is having lots of to-do lists and checklists. I think being balanced is something we will always be working at throughout life because as we grow things are constantly changing!

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  4. I couldn't agree more with this post! As a new mom, I'm trying to find balance in relationships with my self, baby, husband, and family. It's so difficult, but daily mindful meditation helps! Also, may I ask where you got your baby book album? Is Project Life a brand? I'm trying to find one place to document all my baby's stats and milestones! Thanks! :)

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  5. This is so true! I think your right on about having to let go of perfect (even just perfectly balanced) to be happy. I think it's important to be forgiving and loving to yourself and not hold onto guilt about things missed

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  6. Agree, agree! I think we have to create our own sense of balance. What might not feel right for others, could be just perfect for you. It's tough, balancing it all. I've been trying to say "no" more. It's really hard to do. Saying no to playdates or parties or events every once in awhile when things feel too heavy. Sometimes, downtime is just what we need and even though it's hard to cancel, it's also sometimes very necessary. As a full time, stay at home mom to an almost two year old and a full time student, life is busy, so I can totally relate!

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  7. Ugh so so true! I am having the hardest time balancing working mom life and being the best mother/wife/friend/person I can be. It's literally the hardest thing! I'm constantly trying to wake up earlier and earlier day by day, hoping that I can fit everything I need to do into one day and it never seems to work out!
    I hope, if I can't find a perfect balance, I can at least be happy with that.
    But....I doubt it ;)

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  8. I read something by Susan Petersen in which she said "Balance is bullshit." I agree with her =) though I am sure it came from here: http://www.amazon.com/Balance-Bull-h-Luly-B-ebook/dp/B00BL09BZI

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  9. Finding balance has been something Ihave also been struggling with. After Ihad.my daughter Ithought Ihad to do it all and by trying to do everything Icompletly stressed myself out. I have only recently come to the realization that you can't balance everything all of the time. And that's ok :)
    Love, brittany at www.filteredforpurity.blogspot.com

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  10. Finding balance is a balancing act in itself and I think that the weight of each thing is different as we go through different stages. I am always trying to be more present and I think that is my biggest challenge is the balancing act of life. Would LOVE to hear about how you accomplish that in a future post!

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  11. Totally working on it. First time mom of a 6 month old & I'm still trying to balance my old life with my new one. At least you go to bed feeling like you were present as a mama & a good wife (I can't say I feel the same most nights). I think that's most important!!! :) I need to work on that.

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  12. Yeah, I'm definitely working on that, which is sad since the only thing I truly have on my plate is a full-time job! Other than that, I live on my own with my dog and I have a boyfriend that I usually only get to see on weekends. I constantly wonder why I struggle so hard with this balance!

    Christen
    feathers and ash

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  13. I really have a hard time balancing being a mom and being a single 26 year old woman. I want to make my entire life about my daughter but then sometimes I remember that I'm young and single and I need to have a life of my own too, even if just a little bit. My life surely isn't as busy as yours haha So I don't really have trouble balancing day to day things.

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  14. I'm still working on it and I'm still a student, not yet a mother or anything. I try to balance my school life, work life, and personal life. It's so hard to balance them becaus I feel I have to sacrifice one of them I'm order to accomplish for the best for other two lives. But without personal life, I feel like I'm a cold person who doesn't have a life.
    Right now, I sacrifice my work life. My school is still my number one priority but my personal life kinda gets in a way.

    FYI, I'm not that popular kid really. Or the smartest student in my school. So don't think it as that way;p

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  15. So true…
    There are times in our lives when 'balance' just isn't going to fit in.
    Then, perhaps it's more about trying to get the right priorities…
    But in a way, having too much on is a gift - difficult as it is to deal with.
    Our families, jobs, interests - how much less emotionally 'balanced' we would be without them -
    though I know how hard and draining it can be at times to simply cope with day to day demands.
    I think it's important not to be an island - your children, as soon as they are able, can help in small ways - even if that makes the jobs actually take longer.
    As Jamie says above, sometimes down time is important too.
    And being realistic about what really matters, and what doesn't, so doesn't really need doing just now..!
    Our children learn from watching us - I have to say, mine have grown into busy individuals who seem to squeeze a lot into their uni / work / social life balance!!
    It is hard, but things come in cycles - and sometimes it's just about doing the best you can, accepting that that's got to be 'good enough', keeping things in context, & not being too exhausted to enjoy the good bits!
    Good luck,
    Emma :-)

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  16. I feel the same way! It is so hard to feel balanced, I feel like whenever I excel in one area of my life the other areas are lacking. I can never quite seem to find an equal balance, its more like a seasaw. I can only keep working towards that balance and always try my hardest!

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  17. This is so familiar!! Although, I know it's going to get ten billion times harder in the coming weeks when I become a mummy. Thanks for stopping to point out the importance of balance - it's so hard but you are the most amazing mama and your family are so lucky to have you. The other things can wait. Go easy on yourself (easier said than done!). You are doing an amazing job and inspire so many :)

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  18. I don't think anyone is ever balanced - but thats the joy of it Experience the unexpected and just go with the flow (often easier said then done!) And make the most of what you have. :)

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  19. I spend a lot of time fretting and thinking about the same thing. I'm beginning to wonder if it's because, as women and mothers, we're somewhat in uncharted territory. We have traditional roles as caretakers and being a part of a family (whether or not we're parents) and then we also get lots of input about "Being our BEST SELF" and "Not EVER GIVING UP ON OUR DREAMS." Add in the always-noted barrage of posts and images that show other women's carefully curated lives, and it leaves us feeling really helter-skelter. Like so many other people said, thanks for sharing your behind-the-scenes. It really helps to understand that everyone is struggling, and if an awesome lady can be having the same thoughts as me, it's possible that I'm awesome, too.

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  20. I relate to this on SO many levels, and it's so reassuring to hear someone else is experiencing similar feelings, pressures, and resolutions. Thank you for posting this. Important stuff. Have a happy weekend with your lovely dudes!

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  21. I think there is so much pressure, particularly on social media...you can feel like you need to cover so many areas and its impossible to keep up with everything. I work four days a week and blog for at least two full days and nights a week and I still don't have enough time to run a house and socialise with the real world and I don't even have babies yet! I don't know how some people do it...but I think you have to realise that there is only so much you can do and that's your best. It's good to let go and just accept what is realistic for your life balance.
    Katie x
    www.missenchanting.co.uk

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  22. What a great post! I, too, am a perfectionist and am constantly placing unnecessary guilt on myself when something is left undone on my to do list. Thank you for reminding me what's really important.

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  23. I couldn't agree more. Sometimes I will feel all off balance, like I am doing too much, or committing to doing too much, then I realize, wait, I AM IN CHARGE. It is up to me to say no if I am already super busy. What an empowering feeling once we take charge of our own lives and happiness.

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