Before I even get into writing this post I have to warn you that I have been feeling very Oprah-y lately. You know, just trying to live my best life authentically, etc. etc. and while looking back over my 31st year I could probably go on for awhile about the highs and the lows. I'll spare you though and just say that really, for a year that was all about life and joy, it was also a year filled with a lot of loss. How strange life is. Without rewriting something I've talked about so many times here I'll simplify and say what we all know- that we just don't have a lot of time here. And I think any instance when we lose someone we love that idea is brought to the forefront...but when you lose multiple friends or family members in a short amount of time those lessons are seriously compounded, and in my case at least, I'm left with this very strong urge to just stop the bullshit and enjoy life. None of it matters. Really.
I've been working on so many things over the past year but I think most of all I've been focusing on being kind to myself. And oh, is that is such a huge, broad thing. It encompasses so much and when you get it right, it affects so much. Being kind to yourself isn't just about loving thoughts, or making "me time." It's way, way beyond that. It's about knowing your worth, and knowing what your time is worth. For me this means so much, including recognizing the things that make me feel like my best self, and then doing those things. Sounds simple, although it usually isn't.
I remember asking myself questions when I turned 30- do I like who I am? Am I my best self most of the time? No? How can I get there, then? And when I turned 31 I revisited these questions, things I wrote out in my paper journal.
Nothing's ever a finished product, and after reading back through those pages this is beyond clear. I can ask myself those questions again and although I know I am not fully there, I am closer. And that feels good, that progress.
Most of all though when I look back at my 31st year I am in awe of this life. I get to be Hank's wife and Henry and Charlie's mama and to me, that's everything. Love. That's all we need and I have an abundance of it and if I could I would SHOUT to the rooftops THANK YOU a million times to whoever is listening.
31 was so good to me, and it's pretty neat to see that a big chunk of that was spent learning how to be better to myself. I can only cross my fingers that 32 is just as sweet.