Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Like a Safety Net
I've been thinking a lot about our day-to-day, and how all of these little moments roll into overarching feelings that define seasons and stages of our lives. When I wake up in the morning and I'm getting ready, it's weird because I know I won't remember this particular morning but I know I'll remember the feeling of morning, and be able to go back and pull little pieces and glimpses from the section of my mind where all the mornings in my little world belong. And I think of childhood in that way too. I can't remember everyday, or even many days, but I have an overwhelming feeling of happiness. Safety. Fun. Henry and Charlie might not remember me sitting with them every morning, sunlight streaming in through the living room windows, us on the couch, reading books...but they will remember that feeling, because it all rolls together, day after day after day. Same with our picnic lunches, walks to the mailbox, the quiet way Henry and I kind of sigh into each other on the couch before bed. And so that saying comes to mind, it's not what you do every once and awhile that is your life, it's what you do everyday. Or something. And it goes with the bad days too, you know. On the days when I lose my temper or feel frustrated, uninspired, use the television to fill our time, this is not everyday. The foundation we am building here, the feeling we have most days, magic and learning and excitement, all of that is there. The freedom to be whoever you may be. Acceptance. Positivity. All of this rolls and rolls and rolls day after day until one morning my boys wake up and they are no longer babies, but grown. And they'll take with them all of it, wrapped up neatly into little packages in their mind, all kind of tied up with little labels stuck neatly on top. If I'm lucky and keep doing my best, my greatest hope in the world is that the feelings we have now flourish into the defining themes of their childhood. Love. Trust. Fun. Acceptance. So I'll keep on keeping on, growing and loving day after day, and remain hopeful that they will always feel this great big love Hank and I have for them. And that on days they might feel anything but, my hope is that those feelings will rise up like a safety net, catching them wherever they may be, and remind them of where they come from and that no matter what, love has always been there.