Tuesday, August 26, 2014

This Full Plate.


This is a new season of our life, and a busy one at that. I'm not someone who ever wants to wear busyness like a badge- I've seen that and I don't want it. But this kind of busy is a good one, it's full of our family and new work and lots of change, extra bedrooms in our home now occupied by people we love. Our mornings are full of Hank and the boys and my sister and Lucy and soon Abe, all of us moving through that first hour getting things done, chugging along in our little orbits. This little bit of time we're experiencing together will be one of those parts of life I'll look back on with such fondness, I'm sure of it. And with all of that comes new work for me too, keeping me busy, busy, busy.

I've been thinking so much about how precious all of these parts of our life are. We only get this many summers with our children this age, one really at this age, and so when I think about that then I feel fiercely protective over these seconds and minutes and hours. This afternoon itself is so precious. I never feel like I need to do big, grand things, but I am well aware that this is the one August 26th I'll ever get with my boys at almost four and one. So even if we're hunkered down on the couch, a movie on because the monsoon outside our window is darkening the sky by the minute I'll cherish that simple little bit, because that's all I will ever get of this day, these people, right here just the way it is.

As Henry grows bigger and into this new older person, I'm learning that the part of me that gets so sad over change is actually beginning to see that although yes, there is sadness, there is much more excitement there. All the good to come, the new adventures, the next. So maybe this is me growing more myself; maybe I'm learning to let life continue on its way, and I'm beginning to be able to enjoy the ride a bit more.

I started writing a post last week after I realized this blog would be turning six years old this fall. It's interesting that this site has become one of the biggest teachers in my life...it feels weird to even type that out. But this post I've been adding things to here and there feels never ending. All the things I've learned, the mistakes I've made, it's fascinating to me in a slightly distant, self-centered way. My early days of what feels like humblebragging when I read my words now, getting angry over rude, anonymous commenters, actually seeking out negative things about myself online and then talking about them here...cringe worthy to read back and see where my focus was. Laughable now, but in those words I can still feel those first stinging lessons and see myself learning how to navigate criticism. But that's growing up documenting your life on a website. Some people grow up at 18, some at 25, but for me I feel like maybe it was around 28 I started to really get it. That seems late, and maybe it has something to do with becoming a parent, but it's clear to me as I look back at everything that that was it for me. And oh, so many of those posts- they make me laugh, smile, feel slightly embarrassed, but at the end of the day I'm so goddamn proud of every one of them and slightly in awe that I've been doing this for so long. Diaryland then Livejournal before this, and all together we have well over a decade of it. Very, very neat when I take a big step back. And even cooler to be able to look and see myself changing and growing, and have it all in one place.

So here I am, at 32. A mom of two boys, more of a work from home mama than a stay at home mama these days. Add on taking care of my niece while my sister is teaching and it's a full plate. But sometimes in life that's just what we have- there have been times where my plate wasn't full, and I was searching to find what belonged. And there have been other times where I've found it overflowing, but with all the wrong things. It's a good feeling to be able to look and say "yes, this is just right," and enjoy that full plate, full of the best things- love and family and growth and change, and a special kind of busyness that makes everything sparkle with fulfillment.

22 comments:

  1. You are such an inspiration! I absolutely love following along with your stories and pictures on your blog and instagram.

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    1. Thank you so much for leaving such a sweet comment! <3

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  2. Ah, yes. I just wrote a short post about being busy, trying to balance work and family, and the whole time I was thinking to myself, "I am busy, and I don't really want to be." A lot of people find pride in being busy, and I guess that's okay. But I'm very afraid to be busy with the wrong things and let the good things slide on by.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, Bekah! I am the same as you- trying to find that balance right now.

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  3. I loved this, so inspiring and relatable! I hope your continue to enjoy your ride! xx

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  4. I think I needed to read this post today. I'm 40 weeks pregnant and ready to have this baby. But since this happens on his time and not mine, I need to remember that this is the ONLY August 26th I'll be home by myself, with my baby boy tucked away safe in my belly. And while there are aches and pains, I remember how beautiful this pregnancy has been and try to enjoy every last day of it. Thanks for posting!

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    1. Oh my goodness, what an exciting time for you! Hugs mama!

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    2. Thank you so much! :D We're so excited and seeing your posts with your two boys makes me even more anxious to meet this little man!

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  5. I love reading your words and insights. Your blog is one of my favorite spots on the internet. <3

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    1. Oh Nadia thank you so much, that means a lot. I hope you're having a great day! xo

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  6. Every single thing about this post is amazing! You are such an amazing and inspiring person. Thank you for sharing your life on the internets. People like me and all the comments above sure appreciate it!

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  7. I so feel this. Life is ever evolving and I only now feel like I am getting it and I am turning 29 next week. It is crazy how so many trivial things that seem earth shattering a few years ago are growing experiences now.

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  8. I LOVE this...it's inspiring. I'm striving to one day soon enjoy that full plate that's just right. Thanks for your words!

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  9. I can relate to this as well as the other readers. As my daughter is now 3 I'm so excited for all the fun adventures we get to go on and the friendship that will form between us but I'm still so sad that she isn't this tiny little bean in a diaper anyway who used to just sit there quietly and smile at me. Now that she's a toddler we are always so busy with family activities that we dreamed about while she was too young!

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  10. OT: What dress did you wear to your son Charlie's first birthday? I thought perhaps the Shibori from Anthropologie, but your dress seems WAY more awesome than that one. Thank you in advance

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  11. Love the idea of my 'plate' being just full enough with all the right things!

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  12. I love this post. You put into words to perfectly some of the same things running thru my mind lately.

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