Sunday, October 5, 2014

We're All Evolving, We're All Moving.

I've been thinking about growing up a lot, and talking about it too, with various girlfriends. But let's get real, isn't that such a theme of my blog? I feel like I'm always talking about time and its passing. I'm not sure if it's because I am just hyper aware, or if it's because I'm prone to feeling sad sometimes (more sad than most people maybe?) and time slipping through my fingers is what makes me the most sad. My love for documenting and in turn thinking about remembering a moment even as it's happening is evidence of this, but luckily as I've gotten older I've been able to really condition myself to focus on the now rather than feeling sad about the now already being gone as I'm living it.

But lately the topic of conversation has been coming into my own. Or our own, when talking with girlfriends. I'm 32, and I really feel like over the past couple of years I've realized who I am, or at least who I am beginning to become. But even more important, and even more monumental, is that I've begun to truly accept her. And not just talking about self-acceptance, not just pretending to be self-assured and confident...but living it. Feeling good about who I am and the choices I make- and doing so without apology. Maybe this is what the 30s are all about. It's neat- I can see myself figuring it out, the roadmap to right here when I look back through the pages of my journal and this blog; I can see it in failed or successful friendships, in the insecurities I exhibited, in the way life has moved on and changed me as it has ebbed and flowed.

And it feels good to be here, to view myself clearly, and actually like who I see. I've talked a lot about seeing myself through Hank's or my kids' eyes, or at least trying to, and I feel like I'm able to do that now. What a gift these boys have given me; they've taught me to view myself through the lens of love and not of self-doubt or fear. I am forever grateful.

But the next step in this whole coming into my own? Allowing others to be exactly who they want to be, and do whatever it is that makes them happy.

I'm almost there. My first instinct when I see someone doing something different than I would, wearing something I wouldn't ever wear, making a choice so unlike my own, is to think YES! Go on with your bad self, mama! And that makes me happy.

My best self lifts others up. Sees the good in everyone. Forgives and moves on. Strives to be a light, and helps to to light others. Accepts differences and meets new things and ideas with curiosity rather than judgement.

It's hard though, right? I mean if we're being honest we're all judgmental creatures. Depending on who we surround ourselves with, better or worse parts of us can come out. We've all seen things we don't understand and have had the urge to gossip or have harbored unkind thoughts. It doesn't feel good though, I know this. And somewhere in all of that, is us feeling unsure about our own selves, so we try to point out the flaws or mistakes in others so our own don't feel as obvious or heavy.

It brings me back to this quote- "We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve." We're all evolving, we're all moving, we all have the right to continually change and grow and inch a little bit closer to that best self we envision. And by giving others the freedom to be exactly who they are, all flawed and mercurial and ever-changing, we give ourselves permission to be free too. It's a pretty beautiful thing.



  1. This was so good. I think it is beautiful to think that I can be more like that in my 30's (a decade I am so excited for). Our 20's can be so unsure and unfamiliar.

    I am so happy you are in a good place. I understand the sadness in fleeting moments. I feel them too. My oldest turns 8 next week and it made my heart hurt that there were only 10 more birthdays before he would go off into the world on his own. I had to remind myself to enjoy the ones I have instead of dreading the future and not appreciating the moments now, as I have them.

    1. Thank you, Michelle!

      And yes. My 20s were so wonderful but I can't even explain how much different my 30s feel. I'm excited for you. :) Thank you for your kind words- and thank you SO much for reading.

      Lots of love, and have a great start to your week! <3

    2. Thank you! I hope you have a wonderful week too!

  2. I am only 20, but lately I have been feeling the same way about moments. I have been thinking about time and life far more. I just think about my entire life and how quickly I know people say it goes, and really it just scares me. It makes me wonder how I will feel about all this when I am later in my 20s and 30s, and get married and have kids.

    xoxo Jess
    Foreign Room

  3. I had a conversation this weekend about this very thing and it feels really affirming (and serendipitous) to read your words! I've never felt SO unapologetically *me*, and it's incredibly freeing and empowering. I think knowing myself, and really learning to show myself love & compassion, has made me more compassionate and encouraging towards others.

    It's been a really beautiful time of discovery, and I love that you shared this... it's like the universe is saying, "You're on the right path... keep going." :)

    xoxo, my friend.

  4. Awesome post Danielle! I'm in my mid 20's & have a small toddler and find myself already getting nostalgic for moments just passed and it really shifts my focus from the now. That is what I'm working on, just being present and learning to relax in the moment rather than getting caught up in all the details of it. I loved reading about your graceful attitude to ageing, I've never really been hung up on my age or getting older but excited to really get to that comfortable place that you seem to have just arrived at.

    I love reading these kinds of positive posts, especially at the start of a new week! Have a fantastic week!

    Lauren / And Together We

  5. I am in my early 30s and I can totally relate with you. I am much more comfortable with who I am today and have a better of idea of where I fit in. I now know what I like and want and where I want to be. I am driven by things that I personally want to achieve versus what society kind of pushed me to believe I wanted in my 20s. Great post!

  6. Thanks for sharing this. The first part really resonated with me. My baby boy is now 5 weeks and I find myself missing the moments as they're happening. When I was younger, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I never realized until now how much it affected me. She is a survivor...not just once but three times! And while this is amazing, I think as a result I live in constant realization that time is passing and I have an urge to slow it down and capture it, and an immense guilt about making sure everyone gets a chance to participate in our life. I'm also feeling the burden of this as I now have a sweet 5 month old boy that I completely adore and am so protective of. I am seeing how I am growing and changing even more than he is in this short amount of time, and I'm trying to figure out what it all means to me and how I feel about it all. I'm trying to do this all without feeling guilty, or ashamed, or frustrated, which is a load to bear during this already emotional time. Thank you for sharing and helping me feel not so alone in this transition. I have been following your blog for a few years now, but I feel like now that I have a little guy of my own, I really connect with your posts so much more - thank you. XO

  7. Preach it! I literally felt every word and every idea you expressed in this blog. Its insane how true that quote is. I expect perfection of others but take hold the 'I'll do it later', attitude or something similar

  8. Well, unfortunately the older I am, the less I know about my place in the world. Even if I know more and more about myself. People are evolving, but I still feel like a six-year old girl, just a little bit more experienced.

  9. Love this. This whole post could have come right out of my brain. I've noticed a change in myself over the last 3 years (I'm 31 now) and there is just something so amazing about getting comfortable with yourself and others--extending grace and acceptance.