Sunday, March 29, 2015

Like the Trees On the Canyon


There must have been something in the sunshine this morning, because I swear, when I saw him playing in that creek, he looked closer to ten than he does to five. In the blink of an eye I saw our little boy as a bigger boy, in the glint of the sun there, reflected in the water. I squinted for a second and even nudged Hank- look at him right there. Doesn't he look extra old today? His blue hat, long legs, shoes that would soon make a squishing sound when he climbed out of the water. The red canyon walls towered high up over our heads, the green trees at the very top reaching, stretching to grow and grow, and I thought of our child, and our other child, and how amazing it is to watch these little people become big.

From the moment Henry could talk it's been "I can do it," "I got this, Mommy," and "I don't need ANY help." And really, even before. He's always been a child who knew what he wanted and that HE wanted to be the one to do it. Our fiercely independent boy, our sweet, eager learner, a child who has always desired to be on his own.

I can remember the first day of preschool, I stood there with tears in my eyes, holding it together, trying not to cry. These types of milestones always make me extra weepy, and as I tried to keep a brave smile on my face I realized that Henry had already run off to join his new friends on the playground. He turned around once, flashed me that smile, and was gone in a blur, yelling "see you later, Mommy!"

And these little glimpses of Henry looking older have been happening more and more, until today down at the creek I realized that the glimpses weren't really glimpses anymore. This was our boy. Tall and grown and growing. Five in the fall, more than half my size. Baby no more.

So this morning my big-little boy and I sat on a rock and watched the creek rush by. He told me that when he grew up, he wanted to have 100 children of his own and live on a big farm with cows and chickens and goats, and be an astronaut whenever he could find the time. I asked if I could come help take care of all of his kids- I asked him if he would need anything at all. I expected him to say that he was good, that he could do it all on his own, but instead he leaned into me, grabbed my bigger hand in his little one, and said "oh yes, Mommy. I will always need you."

Like the trees on the canyon the boys will grow bigger and taller. The sun will shine and days will be good. The wind will blow and times will be hard. They will change and evolve into the boys, then the men, they are meant to be. But my hope is that they always remember that like that canyon below the roots of the tree, I am there for them- their base, their foundation, and no matter what, I am always, always there if they need me.

Being a mama, man. Emotional, beautiful stuff.

18 comments:

  1. Wow! Emotional, beautiful stuff indeed! My little girl is only 9 and a half months and I can't believe the way she already looks like a toddler. How is that possible? Watching her grow and change and do is absolutely the most amazing thing I've ever had the privelege of being a part of, but at the same time my heart hurts to know she won't always need me. I hope one day she'll turn to me and offer me the same sweet relief that Henry did you!

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    1. Isn't it crazy? We talk about having another baby and I hope the third time around it goes even slower...although I think it will probably be the opposite! ;)

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  2. I´m sure they will - beautiful photo :-)

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  3. Oh please don't remind me of that first day of preschool! I think I was actually depressed during the weeks leading up to the day. It was sth I was dreading but at the same time I was also so excited for Georgie because I knew how much he would love it. It was especially difficult when he didn't want to go back on the second day. He had to be torn from my body! Fast-forward six months and he actually cries when he DOESN'T have school! I'm sure more back and forth school emotions are to come!

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    1. Isn't that funny how that happens? Henry is the same too- he never wants to miss. But yay for us, for raising independent little men. I love it.

      Thanks for reading. :)

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  4. This was absolutely beautiful.

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  5. Those moments when you look at your children and you step outside of yourself of being 'their mother' and try to look at them as if you're meeting them for the very first time, it's an emotional feeling. You realise that your wee baby isn't a baby any more!
    I find it extraordinary when I look at my eldest daughter, she's 11 in two months but I still can't look at her as being anything older than 8. That might be because she's quite young for her age. Many of the girls in her class have been walking around in kitten heels with fancy jackets and handbags since they were 7.
    I'm glad I didn't allow Emma to be like that grow up too soon, and I won't allow Holly to either. Be children, you have forever to be an adult.

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    1. What a beautiful comment. Thank you so much for sharing, and for reading too! I so appreciate you taking the time to stop by.

      Lots of love! xo Dani

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  6. Beautiful metaphor. This hit close to home, being a mama to a fiercely determined baby boy!

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    1. Lo I'm so glad you could relate! Love to you today. Have a beautiful week!

      <3

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  7. So beautifully written, Danielle! Love this post so much! It brought tears to my eyes thinking how fast the time flies by! Mama-Son relationships are so sweet...makes me love having boys so much.

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  8. LOVE this post. So beautiful, and makes me wonder what my own children will someday be like!

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  9. Danielle-

    I seriously have tears in my eyes! Even being a mom already myself, you keep that spark of motherhood alive and its inspiring! Every time I read something like this from you I go home and hug my little girl a little tighter!
    Thank you!
    Aimee Burton

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  10. What a sweet post! My husband and I are nearly at a stage where we can have children if we wanted. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for it to start just so the ending won't come anytime soon.

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  11. This is beautiful, Dani - brought tears to my eyes. You're a really talented writer.

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  12. Danielle,

    I reiterate the sentiments above. My "baby" boy just turned 2. He has completely changed the way I view life and the world. I've always been sentimental, but man, being a Mom does a number on you. I've followed you for quite a while and love your writing -you so beautifully put into words what many of us are feeling. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your life with us.

    -Desiree

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