Thursday, May 28, 2015
Here's What I've Learned, at 32.
I don't turn 33 until tomorrow, but I wanted to share this today. Really, this was maybe my most favorite year yet (which I'm aware I say every year). I feel like 32 has been full of so much personal growth and change that I get a little emotional just thinking about it. And okay yes, I know I say that every year too. But I think that's actually a really great thing, right? How does that saying go? If you're not moving forward, you're going backward? Or something.
So here's what I've learned, at 32:
In order to succeed, you need your team. It takes a long time to build one, believe me. In the past couple of years I had to move on from some people that didn't add love and light to my life, and if you find yourself in the same boat, that's okay- it's all part of the process. Wish them well, and move on. You want people who are going to cheer so loudly when you succeed- and also be there when you don't. These people should be past the Instagram highlight reel. These are the friends who know the deep, dark depths of you, the ones you never have to second guess yourself around, the people who know all the shitty parts of your weird self and love you all the same. Find these people. Or that person. Keep them close. Cultivate those relationships. And it's okay to have all the other types of friends too- internet friends, party friends, weekend friends, workout buddies. But one of the biggest things I've learned is that not everyone will be on your team, and trying to fit every person in your life into such a special, sacred place does not work. Stop doing it. Save your best energy for the people closest to you.
Also, none of this shit matters. Seriously, it doesn't. The only thing that matters is that you wake up in the morning and you feel like you're doing a good job at being a good human being. That you're being the best wife you can be, the best Mom, the best sister, daughter, friend, whatever, and doing every single thing in your life with kindness and love. That's it. Anything else- what someone thinks about you, all of the little things you worry about, random stuff that pops into your mind and doesn't go away- it doesn't matter. You want love? Be love. You want light? Be light. Be what you want to see, and you will see more of exactly that.
And it's okay to change. It's been a theme here over the past year, and for good reason. I went from a stay-at-home Mom who only wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom, to a work-from-home Mom who now can't imagine anything different. My interests shifted as I found myself developing a deep passion for the outdoors. I learned so many new things about myself- and I think that was my most favorite part of the entire past year and the adventures I went on- finding new, exciting parts of me I never knew were there. That is the most amazing thing about being human and experiencing new things- it's like we turn this corner inside ourselves and walk into this brand new place in a very old house- it's scary and awesome and reminds us that we are alive, and that there is a possibility of so much more.
The biggest thing that I gained during my 32nd year though, was a much deeper self-acceptance. It feels good to be ME, in all of my silly, nerdy, happy, too-sappy, sometimes flippant, adventurous, emotional, mercurial glory. And to feel so excited about other people being THEM. All the yous being yous and the mes being mes. It feels so goddamn good to look around and see the world in this way, you guys. I have to really dial it back sometimes because I could write pages about it- about knowing that I am enough. This has seeped into every part of my life as a great joy- I. Am. Enough.
And so 32, you were fantastic. I look back with my rose-colored glasses and even though I see the bad, hard, sometimes frustrating stuff, I am fully aware its all part of it. Throw it all in a bottle and shake, shake, shake, and the goodness will rise to the top. And that's what I'm focusing on. I don't mind getting older. I love birthdays. Looking around the table as I blow out my candles- Hank, Henry, Charlie- they are what matter, and I am forever grateful that they are mine. The possibilities of the future are endless, and it's really exciting to think about what's on the horizon. So thank you sweet readers, for being on this ride with me- I truly, truly appreciate you. Here's to 33!