Tuesday, May 19, 2015

I'd Like to Imagine...

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Sometimes I think about you, on the other side of that screen. I'm sitting here right now on this side- specifically in my bed, where I do half of my blogging (the other half at my desk when I'm feeling official)- and I'm typing this. My hair is up in a messy bun of too-clean hair, which I actually hate 10x more than too-dirty hair. If you're curious, I got my hair colored yesterday and unlike most women I've spoken to about it, I may be the lone lady who really doesn't like that fresh from the salon feel. Way too soft, way too clean. But anyway. Top knot, workout clothing, listening to my sister entertain three children in the playroom. You might be curious after reading that, why is your sister watching your children while you sit in bed? Well, we switch off watching the little ones during the week. I watch Lucy for a few hours in the morning, and she watches in the afternoon. I work from home so most of the time while she's watching the boys I'll be working on actual work stuff, but sometimes I'll take a break and write a post here. Not too often though, as I'm sure you've noticed, but whenever I get an idea or an urge to share in this space, I do.

So that's my side of the screen. Or part of it. On this side I have so many thoughts going through my mind. I went out with friends on Saturday night so today I'm feeling that third day after-drinking sadness. It's making me say things like "I will never drink again!" Or to my sister, "Why didn't I stick with just wine?" I'm also thinking about this video I came across, of our last East Coast trip. My sister is divorced now and there are parts of the film that include her and her ex-husband. It makes me think about marriage and how no one goes into it thinking they will get divorced. But people do get divorced. There are just no guarantees in life in anything you do, and that's equal parts exciting and scary, depending on the situation at hand. I could get lost in thinking about it so instead I'll just stop- I'm just so glad my sister is happy and doing okay. I also can't help but wonder about this next year. Hank and I decided to hold off on having another baby and do some of the traveling we've been dreaming about with "if not now, when?" echoing in our heads. But then the other night I spent too much time looking back at old photos and videos of Charlie as a tiny baby and that familiar ache returned in my chest. Another baby. Yes. And so I had a panicky moment thinking about the trips that are already booked and in place and unchangeable, and how we absolutely could not have another baby now, even if I wanted to (which I absolutely did in that very moment). I went to bed with incredibly dramatic tears in my eyes and woke up feeling silly and a-okay that we were waiting. What was the rush anyway? So we'll wait a year.

I'd like to imagine that you're there, on your side of the screen, and you're smiling. You're reading this and thinking how funny it is to read this weird lady's random thoughts and about her day and her family. I'd like to imagine you have a lot going on in your life too, over there, and you're taking just a moment to read these words I type here, from my bed. I hope you know how much I appreciate you. Some of you have stuck around for almost eight years here in this space. Whoa, right? So crazy, so cool.

Now I'm going to shut my laptop and go out to see how everyone is doing out there in the playroom. You'll shut your computer too, or lock your phone, or walk away from your desk, but just know that I'm thinking of you. I'm sending you these positive vibes and happy thoughts and I'd like to imagine that you can totally feel them coming your way, floating out there in cyber space and over to you, somehow. Lots of love, my friend.

xoxo

23 comments:

  1. Allison CrawfordMay 19, 2015 at 8:30 PM

    What a thoughtful post! You absolutely brought a smile to my face, thank you.

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    1. Allison, thank you so much for reading! I'm so happy it made you smile. :)

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  2. I was just telling my cousin that I had too much whiskey and should have stuck with wine :)

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    1. Oh man, I feel you! haha.

      Have a great week, Ariana! <3

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  3. My life feels a bit in disarray to be honest. Husband just got a crappy medical diagnosis, am currently 29 wks pregnant and my daughter has decide to not have a day nap anymore but to be a terror all afternoon which in not handling well. I think it's the hormones but I need a massive cry and sook! But there's worse things happening out in the world and have to focus on the positives we have but need that cry first!

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  4. Oh Danielle. You're such a sweet, sweet soul. I feel your vibes and hope you feel mine back (especially bc we are playing the waiting game too 😉). I'm so grateful we got to meet on one of your previous east coast trips. I hope you have a wonderful time! Xoxox

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  5. My marriage is at a point where we're talking separation/divorce. I don't know how you make that call when it's just not working, just not there anymore but nothing terrible has happened (no cheating, lying, anger). I think of my instagram feed with sweet photos of my husband and daughter and how much I treasure those moments for them. She's what we have left now, a baby we fought for through years of trying and a miscarriage. And now that we have her, we don't have each other anymore. Anyway, just read this about your sister and life and babies and stuff and felt like sharing my secret.

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  6. I think you should write a book one of these days because you really do write so beautifully.

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  7. Great post as usual. And I'm with you on the salon thing. My hair always feels way too sleek when I get it done. Can't stand it!

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  8. I LOVED this post! You are such a sweet gal, Danielle! Thanks for sharing your random thoughts - these honest, emotional, raw posts are the absolute best <3

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  9. Dear Dani, I absolutely understand you :) We have to play that fu.... waiting game, too. Reading your texts always cheers me up because most of the time I feel and think the same. Keep on writing :)

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  10. This was such a nice post to read! I am in my second year of teaching and living (basically) on my own in the Pilbara, Australia. So many things at school have been happening with my poor darlings, then staff drama and parent drama. My partner works away for four weeks at a time and spends one week at home. I try to take time out to read about you and your life, as I do with my favourite blogs. I'm glad I did! I really appreciate your thoughtfulness :) It's nice to hear about how everyone is going on around us - reminds me that there is a life outside of my small town bubble! x

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  11. Lots of love to you too Danielle!
    Your posts are always so thoughtful - lovely to read :-)

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  12. Really liked this post. I feel you on the baby plans. I am finishing my last year of grad school @ 32 and now would not be a good time but, trying to balance planning things and just letting things take their course as my "clock ticks".

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  13. I've been a long time reader, maybe not eight years, but many years and I have to say, I do always enjoy these personal entries. I can relate to many of your personal thoughts and its nice to know that I'm not alone. Enjoy all your plans, travels, babies, life... we are very blessed. Take care and look forward to continuing to read!

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  14. Dani, I really think we are kindred spirits. A little Anne Shirley there for ya :) Sending you so much love. <3

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  15. This was awesome -- I really enjoyed reading this! It's fun to hear a spur-the-moment, raw post. Hearing people's thoughts is interesting. You can always see small snippets of people's lives through Instagram and other social media, but I like knowing that there's more there. It's just fun to hear things in your mind that us readers wouldn't think you think about. I think I confused myself as I was typing this out, but hopefully you get it, haha!

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  16. How weird that such a simple, random post could affect all of us in the same way. I really enjoyed reading it, and your sweet positivity often gives me a boost, which I really needed today. I suppose that's why I am one of those people who has been following you for at least 7 years now. I very recently lost my first and only child at 20 weeks to a crummy pregnancy complication. Healthy, perfect baby boy...sh***y complication that actually affects about 1 out of 100 women, but only 3% of us will lose our babies to it. Secretly, I am happy you have put off having another baby at the moment because it is so difficult for me to hear about new pregnancies and babies right now. HOWEVER, I am excited that you and the Mr have decided to take that extra time to travel and enjoy each other! Cheers :)

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  17. What a lovely post to read, I love hearing about how you write your posts and how you organise your life. I can imagine that deciding when to add another member to your family would be a hard decision, and I hope you have wonderful travels and make waiting worthwhile. I hope to travel a lot before my husband and I have our first but I guess we'll see when those baby urges start ;)

    I tell my own sister all the time to read your blog as I feel like you are both so alike in so many ways. I do hope your sister is doing well, must be a hard situation for her and your family.

    Much love,
    Emma

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  18. I was also very affected by this. It's so easy, light and familiar. Just random thoughts that really made me stop and think. Thoughts like that stumble around in my head all the time, and I'm really impressed that you managed to capture yours, write them down and share them all with us. Thank you so much for doing that, I really appreciate it. Love the blog, btw!

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  19. I love how open and personal this post is. It reminds me of the days of online journaling (before we started calling it blogging - is there a difference?) and opening up to an audience of strangers through places like Livejournal. I went through a week, or more, of feeling stuck in a rut. I felt envious and aggravated over other people's situations. I let myself have that moment. Sometimes you have to allow things to sink in so you can move passed them and realize that, although things may not be how you want them to be, you're still very blessed to be in this moment.

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  20. I've been following your blog for about 5 years and I just wanted to say how much I enjoy stopping by occasionally and reading your posts. You are so open and honest about your thoughts and feelings it's just very refreshing. Thank you for writing and sharing it with us!

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  21. I truly enjoy your posts and keeping up with you and your adorable family. Yours is one of the first blogs I started 'following' and I always look forward to your posts. Just so you know, I'm sitting here on my living room couch in workout clothes, dirty hair piled on top of my head in a messy bun, great dane pup laying on the rug by my feet, laptop in my lap. With a coffee of course! Sunday mornings are where I catch up on my blogs. I'm slightly behind. hahahaha. But I WILL BE caught up before I get up. Thanks for always being so honest and open. You're one of the blogs that inspired me to start my own!!

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